In the service of the King

My coat of arms

A hearty hale and well met, dear friends! I bid you all draw near, for I will tell my tale anon.

This is the story of a strapping young lad who found himself in the service of the King.

One day the King bade the lad to venture out beyond the castle walls and bring back some dinner. The King was hungry.

The lad grabbed his trusty pole and ventured out, eventually reaching the old forest.

Soon after entering the forest the lad became flush with great excitement for he had found fresh spore! A boar was near. He thanked the heavens, since boar was a favorite on the King’s table.

Using cunning and skill he quickly tracked the wild beast, and by fortunate providence, came up on it unawares. He proceeded cautiously since taking down the beast was actually quite dangerous and could only be accomplished at great risk to himself.

Oh joy, he cried, for the hunt was successful! The animal was slain! The lad drew hot blood against his cheeks and flung the animal on his back. He returned to the castle victorious!

Ever watchful of his spoils, the lad took the meat to the kitchen where he oversaw and assisted with a magnificent preparation of the animal. Only the best would satisfy the King and missteps could be fatal.

Eventually he brought out the feast and laid it upon the King’s table. The King arrived and he was pleased. Satisfied, the lad took his place at the King’s feet. Once the King’s enormous appetite was sated, which was a very long while indeed, the King found himself feeling beneficent. In a feat of legendary generosity the King reached up and probed his fleshy cheeks and drew forth the coveted prize:

It was a piece of gristle! Freshly chewed and still very moist.

The King reached down and deftly fed the lad the delicious treat directly from his filthy and chubby fingers. And all was well with the world.

24 responses

  1. Sounds like a story of our government and the American people. Great post.

    Like

    1. Yes, I was about to say the very thing! We are getting less and less of the meat. And I loved the guys in kilts, too. (When you click on pole.) The coat of arms is outstanding, as well. Hilarious!

      Like

      1. Thanks! I was hopefully more people would get some of my special humor stylings in this post but maybe I put too fine a point on it. At least you did! Gratz! 🙂

        Like

      2. Here, I come from the future to comment on this classic post to find that I have commented heretofore, although very briefly but cleverly so. This tale is worth reading twice and perhaps even thrice. I have a new message to add to your missive, sir. You would be spared trichinosis if you shunned the pork. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trichinosis Perhaps your master did you a service?

        Like

  2. Hmm, been to Burger King huh?

    Like

    1. Would it be weird if I said the guy was even creepier than the Burger King? 🙂

      Like

  3. […] I guess that explains why we put up with your bullshit. We have no other choice. Have you seen a wee bit of my heritage, the coat of arms for my family? […]

    Like

  4. […] In the meantime it looks like there just might be a lot more boot licking in my future. But that’s all in a day’s work when one finds himself In the service of the King. […]

    Like

  5. […] What awesome people who run the place I used to work. I call this whole sort of phenomenon “gold nugget economics.” That’s why I proudly display my family’s coat of arms of Gristle. […]

    Like

  6. […] my career (ha!) is destined to remain entwined with that of dogs. Seems only fitting, though, since my place on the employment food chain is actually lower than that of […]

    Like

  7. […] In the service of the King Originally posted on January 5, […]

    Like

    1. Loyalty has its rewards! There was still a bit of flavor in that pre-chewed nugget of meat.

      Like

  8. […] Kneed parking Posted: January 11, 2011 by shoutabyss in fail Tags: asshole, handicapped, karma, knee, parking, space 0 My old boss, the fake Christian, is a multifaceted person. There are many dimensions to his assholiness. He’s also one of the people who inspired my post about the Gristle family line. […]

    Like

  9. […] it was my “story book” posting about my time spent In the Service of the King that caught her eye? Yes, that must be it. That post tells the tale of a strapping young lad on a […]

    Like

  10. […] is the story of my boss. No, not the old one. The new […]

    Like

  11. […] were truly In The Service of the King and greedin’ was the reason for the season. Rate this: Share […]

    Like

  12. […] pay off by trickling down to the little people. (I wrote a little piece about this called In The Service of the King. If you stay steadfast, loyal and true, you just might get to suckle some flavor from that […]

    Like

  13. […] Are you a land mass that rates your own zip code? Take our quiz […]

    Like

  14. […] I hence present a tone poem entitled In the Service of the King. May you enjoy it, anon. Personally I think it is the finest piece of crap I’ve ever written […]

    Like

  15. Re: Catherine and pork.

    Very, very clever indeed. Perhaps my master, by giving me the pre-chewed gristle, already sucked out all of the trichinosis. But, of course, that also probably included all nutritional value and flavor.

    Since I wrote this I’ve gone vegetarian so maybe this fable needs to be updated. Perhaps now all I get is the pre-chewed and unswallowable parts of asparagus and the leftover parts of artichokes.

    Now that sounds like good eating!

    Like

  16. Hope you’ve made that coat of arms into a T-shirt. I’d wear it, but then I, also, was hatched.

    Like

    1. I should. The King only allows me to wear cloth armor.

      Green Linen Shirt, +3 armor

      I saw you posted recently. I’ll be over to say howdy.

      Like

Bringeth forth thy pith and vinegar

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: