Guru Selfie

Guru Selfie

Shouts. Rants. Negative musings. This site is about such things and more, whenever the urge strikes me to be pithy in such a way.

Abyss. Bottomless pit. The intellectual and moral depths that I call home. Home sweet home.

You are welcome here, friend. If you ever have any thoughts on something you see on my blog, please pound that comment function and let me hear it. I love comments.

Mission Statement

No boring bullshit about my day. In fact, I’ll try not to talk about myself at all.

No pictures of my kids.

No pictures of my pets.  (I like cats. Not dogs. That’s just the way it is. Get over it.)

No recipes with step-by-step photos. I may bend this rule from time to time if hard liquor plays an integral role in the recipe.

I’ll try to post everyday. Some days I may even post more than once. But I may also occasionally miss a day or two. I’ll try to do my best (loser) and then whine about it.

What I post about will be as wildly varied as the thoughts that zing through my brain. It is my ongoing commitment to you, however, to do whatever it takes to always keep the word “poop” as my number one tag. That’s very important and I’m just not willing to compromise my bloggeristic standards in that area.

AboutWho Am I?

Name: Tom B. Taker (no, not my real name.)

Genus: Unknown. (Repeatedly self-described as something other than human.)

Age: This is as close as you get and damn you for asking.

Family Crest: Illustration available here.

Twitter: Click here for my tweets.

Pandora: Click here for my profile.

Flickr: Cick here for my stream.

My Heroes: Marvin the Paranoid Android and the Ty-D-Bol Man.

I have decided to remain completely anonymous. Nobody in my “real life” (except for Mrs. Abyss) even knows this thing exists. That gives me a lot of freedom to say whatever I want to say. That isn’t something I do a lot of in my normal existence. Here I get to let it all hang out!

I won’t reveal who I am or post cutesy pictures of myself, but I will, however, list a few words that describe me:

musician, writer, actor, poet, lover, philosopher, ethicist, scholar, humanist, historian, scientist, sociologist, screenwriter, song writer, journalist, gamer, genius, programmer, mathematician, scuba diver, adventurer, politician, ambassador, soldier, peace keeper, photographer, comedian, statistician, perfectionist, atheist, critical thinker, skeptic, cook, moralist, inventor, anonymologist, feminist

This list to be updated if and when I think of more.

36 responses

  1. I’m afraid that I do use my real name, although I share it with thousands of others, some of whom have contacted me. Sometimes I regret that I didn’t make up a name so I could be perfectly frank instead of Cathy, but my blog started as an overflow from the articles I write for newspapers and magazines. I’m very impressed that you blog something interesting and entertaining every day. I used to blog more but I’m working more and more on other projects. I’ll keep coming back here for more!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Mr. Abyss, you are the kind of blogger I love. I love demotivational shit ;p Your posts are so funny, I laughed until I nearly peed in my pants. True story. Okay, maybe I exaggerate.

    Anyhoo, thanks for your comment on my blog. Funny is hard work, so mostly I’m just self-obsessed.

    I’ll keep coming back here.


    Liked by 1 person

  3. To answer your question. Yes, I’ve got a maid. Two live-in ones, in fact. No, I’m not an airhead heiress, I just happen to live in a third world country… it’s normal for any middle class citizen to have maids and drivers. Surreal, but true. If I ever move, that’s one thing I’ll miss. It’s nice never having to do one’s own laundry… or the dishes. ;p

    BTW, I’m loving the haikus – is that the plural for haiku? – how very Rosie O’Donnell of you. I have to admit I enjoy yours way more. ;p

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I recently found out that the plural of haiku is haiku. My guess was going to be haikui. 🙂

    Thanks for the comments. I dig those! For a blogger like me that is almost as good as a paycheck. 🙂

    And what does Rosie have to do with my haiku? :p

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thanks so much for the encouragement on my blog, with the nablopomo thing – Sometimes I too wish I had decided to blog under a pseudonym – there must be a lot of freedom in that. 🙂


    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m with Cathy – I kind of wish that I had used a pseudonym to write my blog. I find that there are things I would love to write about, but I don’t necessarily want to be ‘attached’ to them..

    Anyway, I am getting a giggle out of your blog posts so far! I’m also seeing a recurring dice theme… are you a current/ former gamer??? Not many people know of the d12… lol. Just a thought.. =)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Daria! Thanks for the comment.

      Yes, anonymity is quite liberating. You might say it really loosens the tongue. Even anonymously I’ve still risked my job simply by speaking my unedited opinions.

      On the other hand, I can’t advertise this blog anywhere else in life where it would be advantageous to me in search of readers. By keeping this anonymous, I’ve cut out what would have been a great way to network organically and get more traffic.

      On the other other hand, every reader I do pick up is that much more fulfilling because I did the hard way, relying solely on my own skillz with the written word.


      I’m not much of a gamer. Hexagons and dice are in my past, though. Games like Panzer Blitz with lots of little pieces on hexagon maps. And I had some interest in D&D but I never really played, but that is where I picked up an affinity for dice. The first computer programs I ever wrote were die rolling simulations.

      I see you have your own blog. It’s great to have you on board and I’ll be checking out your stuff, too!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Just going to throw it out there, I like cats too. And we should be virtual friends. So we can continue to live out our secret lives in the real world without judgment from the internet.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Cats rule, dogs drool! (Is that how it goes?) And who can’t use more friends? Woot! Thanks for visiting and commenting on my meager offerings. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Homeward Bound! ^_^

        And I could say the same to you. In fact, I will. Thank you for visiting my pages of rambling insomnia :]

        Liked by 1 person

  8. […] id « Shouts from the Abyss. “The only thing worse than having a job … is looking for one.”–Kids in the Hall […]


  9. You’re funny crazy! Love it. Well….. everything but the cats over dog thing. But, I think I’ll hang out just a bit anyways. Thanks for rockin’ my morning.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Nadia. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I look forward to reading your blog, too. Thanks for saying hi! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  10. dude. not to clog up your comment section, but you are dark and mysterious. i like it. wish i had a little more of that mentality.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. You used Basket Case as a way of welcoming people to you blog?
    Well, I think you’re my new best friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s a wonderful filter, don’t ya think? That way I can consort with just the right kind of people.

      New best friend? Woots. A role that I relish! 🙂

      Thanks for the comment! And I recognize your blog. I’ve read you before. Good stuff! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Ok, you’ve got me. Added you to my blogroll. Demotivational shit is my fav…and because I live it every day. It really is amusing stuff when you clear away the fury, urge to kill, pure white hatred and those other pesky emotions! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There was no need for you to debase yourself in that manner, after all, associating with me is an unclean act, but the reciprocity is deeply appreciated! As I’ve opined before, in addition to cash, whining about my job is the only other perk I get from working in the shithole.

      You are very welcome here, kindred spirit! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    2. P.S. I don’t want to over-pimp myself on your blog, but if you liked “How to destroy your employees” you should check also out my latest installment, “Shout out from the Omega Dog.”

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I was just thinking that I need to be more postitive and stop ranting about crap so much and then I stumbled on your blog. Thank you for showing me the light. After reading a handful of your posts I feel refreshed and ready to bitch about my life anew. I will continue to come back for a daily devotional.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so glad I could help! 🙂 Remember, negativity could save your life someday, so don’t sell it short!

      Thanks for the comment!

      Liked by 1 person

  14. I like it. I will be back to laugh some more very soon. I wish I had a secret blog my friends and family didn’t know about so I could say what I want more than I do already!

    Liked by 1 person

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  19. […] you, Tom, for reinforcing my decision to quit my job a few years back. After two weeks of rain and another […]


  20. […] expected nothing less from the man behind Shouts from The Abyss.  Because he’s cool like that.  Special thanks to TJ and Kate for also playing, though they […]


  21. I saw your comment on the WP blog about reblogging and saving them as drafts. I assume this would be for later purposes in the event that you wanted to schedule them for a particular day. That’s what I was doing. Did you ever find a way to do what you were looking to with reblogs?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No, but I admit I stopped looking. This is one of those cases where software knows best and we’re not given an option. I’m sure they had their reasons. I just don’t agree with them. Good luck!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, I hear you. I don’t agree with them either and I saw that everyone totally misunderstood your question.

        Anyways, enjoy your day and happy writing!

        Liked by 1 person

  22. Can’t argue with any of those intriguing descriptors – they all appeal to me. Love the pith AND the vinegar.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks! I am very pleased to make your acquaintance! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  23. […] expected nothing less from the man behind Shouts from The Abyss.  Because he’s cool like that.  Special thanks to TJ and Kate for also playing, though they […]


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