Honestly I Do

honest-sadI was out surfing the blogs recently when I caught a real gnarly set:

“If there is anything this blogging journey has taught me, it is to be honest. Not only honest in my life, but honest in my writing as well.” –“Slaying the dragon” from POLYSYLLABIC PROFUNDITIES

Dammit. I’ve been pondering those words ever since. Why did you have to go and make me think? I decided to start at the beginning. What does it mean to honest in your writing? That’s easy. Do not lie. But that feels too easy. There has got to be something else.

Does it have something to do with sincerity? If so, excellent. I know I can fake that.

Still, I thirsted for more. I googled it. “Be authentic” came up in the results. Am I authentic, I asked myself? I don’t see a shiny hologram tag sticking out of my belly button. Should I be worried I’m not as “genuine” as a shitty computer operating system?

My wife, bless her pithy self, summed things up succinctly when I broached this topic with her. “My god, Tom,” she said. “You don’t even use your real name.”

Touché, touché.

Yes, it’s true. I write this blog under a pseudonym. “Tom B. Taker” is not my real nom-de-plummage. Wait, well it is my real non de plume, I admit, but it’s not my real name. Crystal clear. Got it? It’s not like I’ve ever tried to get away with anything. It has always been documented right there on my id page.

Yes, I live the tortured and tormented life of the anonymous blogger. For me the road less traveled is a superhighway.

For bonus points, and some of you have already figured this out, there’s even a little secret meaning hidden in plain sight in my pseudonym. But don’t tell anyone I said that. I like to work on levels.

I have to remain anonymous lest I only post daily motivational quotes and, trust me on this, the internet already has plenty of that shit.


So what do I do under my fake name to bring honesty to my writing? First off, I don’t ever dare to actually call it “writing.” That would be an insult to the written word. What I do is take word things and loosely arrange them into sentences that may or may not have actual meaning. I make no allusions about it nor do I pretend it’s grandiose or that any actual talent is involved.

See? Honesty. Refreshing.

What I do do is make a sincere effort to convey my genuine feelings about what I see, think and feel about this world. Those feelings are from the heart.

I never plagiarize. If I quote someone or use an excerpt I try to name the source.

So far I’ve written approximately 4.2 trillion words on this blog and I try really hard to never exaggerate or take literary liberties to embellish my stories. Sometimes, however, in the name of my craft, certain accommodations have to be made. A character in a story may actually be an amalgamation of two or more people so the storytelling doesn’t bog down. These and other literary devices in no way compromise the honesty of voice in my reaching out to you. Even if my wife reads this crap and say, “That never happened!” over and over again.

In the end, I hope the intrepid reader, the one that hangs around long enough and puts in the require effort and prerequisite course work will come to know the real me. A gentle, sincere and honest philosopher who cares way too much and about the human condition and carries the great sadness of knowing too much about how the world really works.

When I have accomplished even the tiniest fraction of that then my work here will be done.

In other words, I’ll see you here tomorrow. Same bat time. Same bat channel. Same batshit.

8 responses

  1. Sorry to make you think!! But I really do love your blog….so I guess I will selfishly be happy I made the mice churn that wheel in your head a bit more!! 😉


    1. I look around this country I think, “I wish there was more thinking.” Why don’t they teach logic and critical thought instead of making chocolate chip cookies and lamps out of blocks of wood?

      When you churn my brain all you get is a cousin of butter.


      1. Lol….better than a lump of coal! Happy Valentine’s Day. I hope there is some sweet tree mail for you today!!


  2. I was really a novice when I started blogging many many moons ago (no, not that kind of moon). I was so much of a novice, I didn’t really know that most people tended to hide their true identities. After some time, I thought I should disguise myself and then thought — awww, screw it.


    1. Yeah, you’re out there. Any time I want to hang out I know how to find you. I’ll just hang out at Dog Beach with a Milk-Bone. Stalkers on a dog beach? Yikes. That has got to be the worst.


      1. I’ll know it’s you by the Hazmat suit. 🙂


  3. So your REAL name is B. Tot Maker? Holy doo doo! I KNEW I’d met you before!

    All Kid-ding aside, I knew you were a mush
    After all, you do call them “gerbils” (a pet store staple) instead of something that would usually only be seen as a “diet staple” in case of a zombie apocalypse.

    And your insights into the human condition are normally much more tactful than what I’m thinking inside my head when I see some of the same behaviors.

    Bravo on the restraint, there, Mr. B. Maker.


    1. It’s a Valentine’s Day miracle. I’ve just been called out for my “restraint.” Just another ordinary day here in the Twilight Zone.

      God bless us, everyone!

      And yes, in case of zombie apocalypse, please feel free to dine on gerbils. At long last they’ll finally have some benefit to society.


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