This year, rather than post the same “hey look at me!” crapola found on every other WordPress blog (no offense intended) I decided to do something different. I asked my wife to share her favorite blog posts from 2012 and offer commentary. Her detailed remarks, verbatim quotations, and links to her hand-selected posts are found under the video below.
Enjoy!
-Ed
Here are my favorite Top 12 Abyssian posts of 2012 from yours truly, Mrs. Taker. I skip most of his posts so this may not represent a fair break down of this last year’s events, but I got a life, ya know? I read the tags first. Anything with the words work, boss, hate, anger, whining, poop, politics, religion, negativity (you get my drift) and I skip right on by. Oh looky there, #poop tag for the win!
Janu-nary
I remember this fight….vividly. The first part of this post is brilliant as Tom actually captured EVERY word I said, though it may not have reflected my true anger. The last half of the post is just blah, blah, blah, more boring bullshit.
Febru-wary
I learned a hard lesson this day. Well, actually two. Never and I repeat NEVER shop at Wal-Mart again! And most importantly, never and I repeat NEVER EVER take Tom shopping again!!!
Let’s recap:
Pink Grafted Cactus – aka “Heisenberg” is mostly dead. It only took about six months to actually plant the cactus in the “cute pot and saucer.” I do not have a green thumb, which Tom knows, but he nagged me to death on a weekly basis to plant the damned cactus. I finally asked a friend to plant it for me. It actually grew an inch. Then, sadly, the pink grafted head shriveled and died. Now it sits, where it always does, with odd shoots growing out of the trunk.
Jar of Cactus – seriously.
Hooters Wing Breading – I threw that back on the shelf… ’nough said.
Kansas City Prime Steak Flavor potato chips – those I let him keep hoping that the “flavor” of fake beef juices would kick him off the vegetarian wagon. I was sick of the constant bitching about not being able to eat meat even though it was his decision to go vegetarian. Didn’t work though. Those chips smelled like a really bad, really cheap can of off-brand dog food. Didn’t stop Tom from quaffing the whole bag, though.
Starbucks new VIA instant coffee – one day he emails me and says,”my tummy doesn’t feel very good. I drank that coffee and I think there was something wrong with it.” Figured out he used one whole packet for one cup of coffee when the package read “two servings.”
Giant 64 ounce “Equate” Walmart brand ketchup – watery, tasteless, made in China.
March Madness
Tom has man crush… and I love him too! Do I hear a three way? What, what?
Ape-ril
Easy pick. I HATE phones in restaurants and I LOVE Tom’s use of verbiage here;
“Cram that food shit in your fucking face hole.”
May-be
This may only be funny to you if you watched all the episodes of “Out of the Wild.” This post really hits home with me… I think I married a 14 year old.
Hey June
My favorite post EVER! OK, I’ll admit I wrote it, but it’s so funny considering it’s all-true.
Ju-lie
Just take a listen. It’ll be the best 26 seconds of you life…trust me.
August-tus Gloop
Okay, so maybe this isn’t the best post of August… but I remember it so well. I came up with a lame lie to get out of said poker party and spent five glorious hours home alone. I’ll say it again in case you missed it… ALONE. Just me and I. That’s rare for me. Sorta like Tom being positive.
Sep-trembler
YES! 365 days a year and I get one of those days where Tom actually takes care of me for a change.
Octo-burr
Oh so proud of my guy. Even though I only read about 50% of Tom’s posts, I am very proud of him when he hits on for the win.
Novem-blur
Almost the only non-political post I could find for November.
Dis-member
It’s a pie chart. What’s not to love about pie?!
See you next year!
Shouts from the Abyss 
Very nice idea.
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Thank! I worked very hard on it. That video only took about 420 hours of effort. Too bad I couldn’t figure out how to use the software. Next time the Oscars roll around I’ll have a renewed appreciation for the Editing category.
Happy New Year!
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Same to you!
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Great post!
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Thanks! I thought the idea of Sarah McLachlan’s sappy song for background music was friggin’ hilarious. I really thought the video was going to entertain. Oh well. Maybe I should have stuck with my initial instincts and used “Bad Girlfriend” by Theory of a Deadman instead.
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Mrs. Abyss needs to do a guest column more often!
Happy new year to you!
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Thank you, I keep saying that same thing to Tom. For some reason he never hears me.
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I’m constantly down on my knees begging you for guest posts. The thought has occurred to me that you just might prefer keeping me down there.
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Yeah, she really classes up the joint, doesn’t she? Thanks!
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A good year from the Abyss.
Happy you’re healing well Mrs. A!
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Oma! Good to hear from you. Tom’s wanting me to write a guest post on my recent medical experience. Sadly, it would be full of hatred, anger, bitterness and negativity towards the whole ordeal. I’m just not sure I can bring myself to do that to all of (or the one of) you that reads this blog. I think you get enough of that with the man himself 😉
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The whole thing has been FUBAR on Steroids. When I write the musical that’s what I plan to call it. FUBAR on Steroids on Ice. Has a nice ring to it.
I will say this: On surgery day everyone involved was exceedingly thoughtful, professional, and genuinely seemed to care. I was downright impressed. That was the very last time I felt that way. After that your medical case was put in something known as The Hurt Locker and it wasn’t pretty.
Grrrrr!
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A very good year. Our best yet, I’m afraid. Oh well, there’s always 2013.
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Lucky you, Mrs. Tom Taker! You married a 14-year-old, which is much more mature than your average husband. This was hilarious, even the fractured month names. You must guest blog more often! You make a great tag team. Or is it relay team?
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Thanks! As always she’s very pleased about the opportunity to pick on me. She’s very clever. She’s my muse.
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