It’s a banner year for Unfair Taxation of the Stupid (UFS or LOTTO for short).

I don’t have the economic data to back up the “banner” claim but who cares. I feel it in my gut. We just had a big jackpot which means were were subjected to all of the usual big-lotto-prize bullshit:

• Local news covering the “story” that people are buying more than the usual amount of lotto tickets.
• Chit chat from the UPS driver about $2 tickets and that no one from our state ever wins. (He was right.)
• Lots and lots of news articles on the internet about how winning can be bad. (Fuck you.)
• Blog posts up the ying-yang about how the ill-gotten booty would be spent.
• Nigeria and Facebook users teaming up to rock the scams like there’s no tomorrow.
• Excitement about who won and – do tell! – what are their plans?

I also see a lot of stories about all of the “good” that comes from government-sponsored gambling in the form of lotteries. “$X amount went to upgrade caskets for drowned puppies.” Well, la-dee-da! When I read that all I can see is: “Citizens in the great state of Iowa wasted $10x dollars by throwing their money in the nearest toilet.” That’s $10x not spend at local stores. That’s $10x not saved for retirement. That’s $10x not spent on their past due bills. That’s $10x not given to charity. That’s probably $10x money gone forever that most of the people who spent could ill afford to lose.

Wow. That is good.

They were talking about the lotto in the office. The boss made the mistake of asking me what I’d do if I won. “You’d never see me again,” I quipped. Sometimes I’m so damn proud of myself. Of course, I then immediately played it off like I was joking. It’s only a joke. Yeah. Right.

I thought about it for a moment and I said this. “I just read a story that says winning the lotto doesn’t necessary make people happier. I call bullshiats.”

This is what I’d do…
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