There is unrest in the forest…
Meanwhile, as an ant on the trail that just got … spored, I guess it’s all a matter of perspective? Damn those spoiled, ungrateful maples. -Ed
The Trees
by Rush
There is unrest in the forest
There is trouble with the trees
For the Maples want more sunlight
And the Oaks ignore their pleas
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How To Survive After A Disaster
Gurney can be so meanie but those eyes are so dreamy.
I am not in the mood for writing. Not at all. So I’m not gonna. Today I’m just going to go wordless because Wednesday is making me its bitch. No words for you!
Gurney Halleck: Not in the mood? Mood’s a thing for cattle and loveplay, not writing!
Tom B. Taker: I’m sorry Gurney.
Gurney Halleck: Not sorry enough!!!
Okay, okay! Dammit. I will wordlessly through the power of magic share one of my most top secret survival tips of all time. For you, the loyal reader, this is when all the bullshit you’ve put up with finally pays off.
Any idiot can survive a disaster: natural, manmade, Godmade, or otherwise. All it takes is shit-ass luck. So you survived. What do you want? A medal. Fuck that. Now comes the hard part.
Surviving your fellow human beings.
Good luck. You’re gonna need it.
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If You Could Pee What I Fear
I think I shall try my hand and headline writing. Please indulge me for a moment.
Green councilman feels blue, quoted ‘yellow is way to take city out of red to black’
Colorful, ain’t I? This is part of my ongoing coverage to stream news of note.
Out of the Netherlands comes a story about an elected official with a novel way to conserve water: Pee in the shower. Councilor Bert Wassink is a member of the left-wing green party GroenLinks.
Wassink is on a quest to be Number One!
“When you combine showering and peeing and thus saves a lot of water and euros … why not?”
–Bert Wassink
According to Ad.nl, the average person uses 39 litres daily in showering and 36 litres “flushing.” Wassink stressed that saving clean water is good for the environment and also has a financial benefit.
When pressed, Wassink confirmed he engages in the practice, saying, “Yes, I dare quietly admit.”
Weird grammar courtesy of Google Translate.
Où êtes-vous, Roquefort?
There’s blue cheese and then there’s Roquefort. I developed a penchant for the latter during three years of French class. Oui, oui!
Blue cheese is a general classification of cow’s milk, sheep’s milk, or goat’s milk cheeses that have had cultures of the mold Penicillium added so that the final product is spotted or veined throughout with blue, blue-gray or blue-green mold, and carries a distinct smell, either from that or various specially cultivated bacteria. Some blue cheeses are injected with spores before the curds form and others have spores mixed in with the curds after they form. Blue cheeses are typically aged in a temperature-controlled environment such as a cave. Blue cheese can be eaten by itself or can be crumbled or melted into or over foods. (Source: Wikipedia.)
Roquefort is a variety of blue cheese, but to be called “Roquefort,” by law, it must be “aged in the natural Combalou caves of Roquefort-sur-Soulzon.” According to legend, it was in those very caves when a young man, tempted by a beautiful girl, abandoned his lunch including ewes’ milk cheese in a cave. When he returned to the cave a few months later, he was startled to discover that the mold (Penicillium roqueforti) had transformed his forgotten lunch into Roquefort. Viola!
Only the French could have such a romantic backstory about the invention of a cheese.
The other day I was thinking about First Meal. I’ve been spending a lot of my time planning what I will eat after my 39-days of Abyss Island are over. I’ve taken to calling it First Meal and it has assumed legendary importance in my life. The odds on favorite is currently homemade fried chicken. Oh yes.
I was thinking about this when I remarked to my wife, “You know what I want to eat for First Meal?” She just rolled her eyes. “What the hell ever happened to Roquefort, anyway? I used to look for the official seal, then poof. One day it was just gone man.”
Well, I think found out what happened. And, believe it or not, the trail leads right back to George W. Bush. Holy moldy! Son of a bitch!
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Survivor: Abyss Island – Day 15 Immunity Challenge
The challenging challenge course.
Abyss Island: S1E6 – Nice Cans
Life on the island of late has been pretty good. The spice kit reward has been a tasty boon to my existence and my persistence with the fishing gear finally paid off – I caught a tiny lobster tail!
With my win in this week’s reward challenge I also picked up the second clue to the location of the hidden immunity idol. The clue said something about “stinkin'” and a place where I do my “best thinkin’.” Methinks I should prioritize my search patterns to the bathroom.
On the actual show persnickety survivors start looking for the idol even before they have clues. And somehow, against all odds, there have been times when they’ve been able to find the damn thing even before clues have been released. I smell a rat. (Oh, wait. That was season one.) The producers wouldn’t influence the action, would they?
I can assure you that at least on Abyss Island the producers show no favoritism. It’s sink or swim. Find it your own damn self.
Unlike my televised counterparts, I take a more lackadaisical approach. Even so, I decided to carefully check the bathrooms. I noticed a few things that have been there for years as if seeing them for the very first time. I’d bring them to my wife and say, “This must be the idol!” and she’d heartily laugh at me.
“You’ll know it when you see it,” is the only cryptic response I got. Damn.
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J.J. Abrams is your father!!!
There are so many great moments in the history of Star Wars:
Darth Vadar cuts Obi-Wan Kenobi in half with his lightsaber.
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Darth Vader reveals that he is Luke Skywalker’s baby daddy.
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
George Lucas gets an idea for a new character to provide comic relief.
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Disney Corporation gobbles up Lucasfilm Corporation.
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
The White House rejects a petition to build the Death Star.
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
J.J. Abrams announced as director of Star Wars 7.
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
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How To Destroy Your Employees – Case Study
It was a boss who made employees dress this way. Source: Wikipedia, Ticker Tape.
Being a bad boss isn’t easy. It takes effort and skill. At first blush it may seem that being a bad boss is the easy way out and the path of least resistance. But, like most things in life, being a truly extraordinary bad boss takes a lot of commitment and hard work. There’s no such thing as a free lunch!
Sure, a lot of countries still allow employers to legally kill their employees, and you can certainly take that route, if you wish. But be honest. There isn’t much sport in giving an employee a love tap with a Luger to the skull. Real destruction takes a little more finesse and effort. Most employees have the potential to be worthy prey. Why waste that potential on a mere head shot?
–Excerpt, How To Destroy Your Employees, by Tom B. Taker, 2010
Today we examine a textbook example of bad bossiness. There’s a lot of bad bosses still on the fence. With any luck, by the time we’re done, they’ll have the tools to be the worst that they can be!
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Shouts from the Abyss 
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