My coat of arms

A hearty hale and well met, dear friends! I bid you all draw near, for I will tell my tale anon.

This is the story of a strapping young lad who found himself in the service of the King.

One day the King bade the lad to venture out beyond the castle walls and bring back some dinner. The King was hungry.

The lad grabbed his trusty pole and ventured out, eventually reaching the old forest.

Soon after entering the forest the lad became flush with great excitement for he had found fresh spore! A boar was near. He thanked the heavens, since boar was a favorite on the King’s table.

Using cunning and skill he quickly tracked the wild beast, and by fortunate providence, came up on it unawares. He proceeded cautiously since taking down the beast was actually quite dangerous and could only be accomplished at great risk to himself.

Oh joy, he cried, for the hunt was successful! The animal was slain! The lad drew hot blood against his cheeks and flung the animal on his back. He returned to the castle victorious!

Ever watchful of his spoils, the lad took the meat to the kitchen where he oversaw and assisted with a magnificent preparation of the animal. Only the best would satisfy the King and missteps could be fatal.

Eventually he brought out the feast and laid it upon the King’s table. The King arrived and he was pleased. Satisfied, the lad took his place at the King’s feet. Once the King’s enormous appetite was sated, which was a very long while indeed, the King found himself feeling beneficent. In a feat of legendary generosity the King reached up and probed his fleshy cheeks and drew forth the coveted prize:

It was a piece of gristle! Freshly chewed and still very moist.

The King reached down and deftly fed the lad the delicious treat directly from his filthy and chubby fingers. And all was well with the world.