Daily Archives: January 28th, 2010


Oh Microsoft, you know me so well.

From Xbox.com:

You Are the Controller.

Introducing Project Natal, a revolutionary new way to play: no controller required. See a ball? Kick it, hit it, trap it or catch it. If you know how to move your hands, shake your hips or speak you and your friends can jump into the fun — the only experience needed is life experience.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot! Abort … abort … abort!

Listen up Nintendo, Microsoft and any other video game manufacturers who are high from sniffing your own new electronics smell. The whole point of playing a video game is that I want to sit on my lazy ass. I don’t want to air guitar. I don’t want to pretend to exercise. I don’t want to move my wrist. I don’t want to stand up. I don’t even want to have to fucking lean forward!

Is that clear enough? I currently don’t have a video game system and I’ve never had the remotest interest in the WII. I’ve never even seen one. It suddenly occurred to me that is the huge selling point of the iPhone –  no digit on my tiny little hands has to travel more than a few inches to make stuff  happen. That is the shiznit! Suddenly it is all so clear.

All I want is some orgiastic feast of blood and gore with the minimal possible movement, preferably accompanied by a death metal soundtrack. Is that too much to ask?

Here are a couple videos to illustrate what I’m layin’ down.