You Must Present
I like this image. No disrespect to Pankaj Ghemawat or the Eight Percent is intended.
These days, if you decide to come after Twitter, you had best bring your A-game. You gotta have cred. Because, when the shit hits the fan, you have a grand total of .42 seconds to capture the attention of that potential follower or lose ’em forever.
You get one chance. One!!
Strike while the iron is hot. Seize the day. Squeeze lemonade out of their lemons. Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.
That’s where I come in. My latest business idea will give you insta-playa status. Make the jump for our special presentation or choose the path that leads to dying alone.
TOM Regurgitated
Today we have elected to revisit one of our favorites from the series of posts known as TOM Talks. Actually, I think this is also the only post in the series, but I’m not really sure, since I haven’t been listening.
For members of Generation Z, please feel free to load the post on your favorite device. Perhaps even the iPad strapped to your lover’s back. There is no read to interrupt your important business, such as the act of coitus, while you enjoy this talk.
Click the link below to begin the presentation.
TOM Talks: Conversational Masturbation
Rip City
Something tells me this was fate! (Click to enlarge to read entire story.)
I was emailed a news clipping today. Honestly, don’t ask me why. I can’t explain why so many folks email me stuff about things like farts, poop and what not. Anyone know why?
Anyway, the author is a sixth grade student and seems the sort, I hope, that will one day grow up to read my humble little blog. Or, way more likely, I’ll be reading hers! She’s got the writing skills that I sorely lack.
Oh, the Places You’ll Blow
This is my file photo for all Dr. Seuss posts. That's a bear and garbage!
It is time to commence with my commencement address. Please don’t worry about my qualifications. I have a Ph.D. (honorary) from the school of hard knocks.
“Dear Class of 2010. I don’t like speaking in public so I’ll be brief. Here is a slide show. I think you’ll find it pretty much explains everything you’ll ever need to know about your bright future. By the way, my associate Doctor Seuss helped me put this together.”
“Oh, the Places You’ll Actually Go!”
In closing, my humble advice is that y’all go stick your heads in Easy Bake Ovens. I don’t need the damn competition from you nitwits in the job market.
As you embark on this new chapter in your lives, remember to always be true to yourselves. Now spread your wings and fly!
Any questions?
Shouts from the Abyss 
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