Tag Archives: masturbation

Hyppo and Critter: Selfie Time


TOM Regurgitated

tom-conferenceToday we have elected to revisit one of our favorites from the series of posts known as TOM Talks. Actually, I think this is also the only post in the series, but I’m not really sure, since I haven’t been listening.

For members of Generation Z, please feel free to load the post on your favorite device. Perhaps even the iPad strapped to your lover’s back. There is no read to interrupt your important business, such as the act of coitus, while you enjoy this talk.

Click the link below to begin the presentation.

TOM Talks: Conversational Masturbation

Christine O’Donnell masturbation

Christine O'DonnellWhat? You still clicked on this post? You sicko!

I thought it over and I decided that I really want to be #1 on the internet for the phrase, “Christine O’Donnell masturbation.”

Thus, this post was born. This post that features the phrase “Christine O’Donnell masturbation.”

I’m sorry if this offends anyone. I mean, come on! Now matter how you slice it this is a topic that is bound to offend someone, no matter what.

By now, most of us Christine O’Donnell watchers are well aware of her walking out on in interview with Piers Morgan on CNN. I’d like to recap from the transcript of that interview and put a fine point on some key moments that may not have made it into the dreaded mainstream media. Hopefully these moments will be new and startling to you as they were to me.
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Seeking investors: Ground floor opportunity (via Shouts from the Abyss)

I’m short on time, energy, ideas and skill today. That means it’s time for a reblog and a video, boys and girls!

First up, the video. I’d like to send this out as a long distance dedication. Also, the topic is somewhat fitting since I’m reblogging my own post. That has gots to be naughty.

I highly recommend this video for those of you who have good taste. It’s also a timeless classic from a masterful writer and director. I give it two hard drives up. Way the fuck up!

Next, I’ve got a new business idea percolating in my brain. I hope to share the idea with you all soon. Until then, I’m still looking for investors for the last idea. Amazingly there is still a chance to get in on that action before it’s too late. Read on before you make the biggest mistake of your life.

Don’t forget to check out my mad Photoshop skills on the logo, which I did myself! 🙂

Seeking investors: Ground floor opportunity As a self-styled “inventor” I like coming up with fresh new ideas. I’ve been thinking a lot about so-called “social media” lately and wondering, “Is there a way I can milk that cash cow, too?” What I need is a way to put my own twist of negativity on sites like Facebook and MySpace. That’s about … Read More

via Shouts from the Abyss

Seeking investors: Ground floor opportunity

It be subtle, but that switch is in the 'off' position - heh!

As a self-styled “inventor” I like coming up with fresh new ideas.

I’ve been thinking a lot about so-called “social media” lately and wondering, “Is there a way I can milk that cash cow, too?”

What I need is a way to put my own twist of negativity on sites like Facebook and MySpace.

That’s about when I had the idea for my next big thing. I’m calling it “anti-social media.” (Alas, a Google search reveals I’m not the first to dream up this particular phrase. It’s damn hard to be completely original these days.)

My very own spin, however, is to take that phrase and loosely apply it to the social networking phenomenon. My concept is a web site called NothingShare.com. I’ve already made the logo for the site, too.

The premise for the service is simple. Just like social sites, people will sign up and create their online personas. The rub is that they’ll never be seen. Ever.

I like the elegant simplicity of that. There will be no friends. All invitation requests will automatically be handled (and rejected) by the service. An “accept” button will not exist.

Backgrounds? Only one will be offered, in black, of course.

There will be at least one online game. Perhaps something like iQuicksand. “You’ve just sunk three more inches. Your request for rope has been answered by 0 friends.” Yeah, that sounds like good clean fun to me!

The primary function of the service will be something I’m calling “profile masturbation.” Visit the site, log in, and tweak your profile to your heart’s content. Upload your “avatar” image. Quippishly enter your favorite quotes. List all of your favorite TV shows, types of music, iTunes playlists, and books you’ve read recently. Come up with pithy and clever snippets that prove how fucking witty you are. If you’re having fun, that’s great! You’re the only one on the planet who will ever have the chance to enjoy it.

What is needed now is investment capital. If you love the concept as much as me, it’s time to open your hearts (along with your wallets) and get me da money. It’s scrilla time. Operators are standing by. (Unfortunately, just like friend invites, their phones can’t accept incoming calls.)

Start-Up Costs Estimate Sheet – Total Needed: $2,507,595

Domain name: $10
Design: $25
Web Hosting: $60
Licensing fees for Taco Bell’s “Black Taco” to be company mascot: $7,500
CEO Bonus: $2.5 million

In exchange for your generous donations I’m offering private stock certificates in equal amounts. I’m calling these “Nothing Shares.” And they are literally priceless, if you know what I mean.

I can’t wait to show you my NothingShare.com profile (or not). This is gonna be epic!

Pardon me – do you have any Gay Prejean?

Rolls RoycePop Quiz: What is better than one Carrie Prejean?

Prejean, the former Miss California, prays that eight is enough. Yes, it is now being reported by RadarOnline.com that there are eight so-called “sex tapes.” Prejean has admitted to one sex tape that allegedly contains footage of her masturbating for a friend. Prejean says she was 17 years old when the tape was made, but the man who received the tape said she was 20. Presumably Prejean is trying to establish a time-line that doesn’t make her out to be a liar concerning statements she made on contest documents.

I imagine this has been a hard week for Prejean. She probably isn’t feeling too gay right about now. (Gay is a synonym for “happy.” It’s true! If you don’t believe me go look it up for yourself.)

I wrote about this before but I have some additional thoughts. And, to be quite honest, I needed an excuse to justify another blog post on this topic and use what I think is a hilarious headline. If this blog accomplishes nothing else – at least I amuse myself!

  • Prejean is a real person with real feelings. I appreciate that and I can only imagine what’s she’s been through. It can’t have been very pleasant. Yes, she’s famous now and appearing on TV shows a lot more than me, but at what price?
  • Prejean is entitled to her opinion. I actually stand behind her right to support “opposite marriage.”
  • Being against same-sex marriage doesn’t make her bad or automatically mean that she hates gay people.
  • I personally feel it is sick and wrong to mutilate a healthy (and beautiful) human body by augmenting the size of your breasts, but that is only my opinion. There is nothing wrong if Prejean decides that is right for her. It’s her decision.
  • I think anyone taking performance enhancing drugs should be kicked out of Major League Baseball for life. Period. And I don’t think augmented breasts belong in beauty contests – ever. Just my opinion. These “beauty pageants” are a bunch of bullshit to begin with, but if you’re going to have them, at least try to maintain some semblance of reality.
  • Prejean has a right to her sexuality. There’s nothing wrong with making a “sex tape” (whatever that means) as long as all parties involved are of legal age and voluntarily consent. Nude photos and sex tapes don’t make her a bad person.

Whew. I’m glad I got that all off my chest. That said, I can’t help but feel that Prejean lives in a “glass house.” She throws stones by saying what other people should be allowed to do (or not) based on her personal religious beliefs. Then she has a private life that would seem to be at least somewhat opposed to those same sorts of morals by her own standards. (Not mine.)

There is one very important lesson to be learned here. If you are a beautiful young woman and want to do something sexy and fun like make sex tapes for that certain special someone, be aware that if you ever become famous, the probability that those tapes will be sold and made available to the whole wide world is about one hundred percent.

In closing, here’s a YouTube video that uses some delicate subtlety to make a point about the Prejean situation. (She screws up the punchline at the very end but you know what she means.) Enjoy!