This baby goes from joy to despair in six seconds

Some people think that you can choose your parents*. This morning, for some reason, I woke up thinking about this idea.

What would it really mean to make a choice like that?

And, if you could choose your parents, what else would you be choosing? How much information would you be given when making such a choice?

What might the process of this choosing look like?

Putting it into context (in other words, “me”) this is one possible imagining…

There I was floating in time and space. I didn’t know if it was heaven or hell. Maybe it was neither.

I was aware of my sense of self. I knew I was an incorporeal form.

Drifting, I ended up at a structure that looked like a car dealership. I made my way inside.

Before me there were choices…

Hi! I’m The Niggle. I solve crimes by eating your brains slowly over an agonizing period of time. Artist rendition.

I am The Niggle
And I’m here to say
I bore in your skull
Every hour of the day

You wanna live your life?
You wanna get away?
I’m gonna stalk you down
I’m gonna make you pay

I’m a patient guy
I got plenty o’ time
No matter how long it takes
I’m gonna own your mind

Introducing my good buddy The Niggle. He’s an ornery rambunctious sort. Invisible and sneaky, at any given moment in time there are literally thousands of him latched on tight, gnawing at our skulls, always desperately trying to get in. Fun stuff, huh?

The Niggle is the price we pay for this modern life. He hangs on dearly when we look around and ask, “What gives? Is this all there is?”

He’s the…

Nothing Behind You, Nothing In Sight
(Harlan Howard/Ron Peterson)

From Monday till Friday I sell my time
They just want my body; they don’t want my mind
Then I watch that old paycheck just slip through my hands
Can’t even afford cold beer with my friends

CHORUS:
Ain’t that a hell of a way to live out your life?
Knowing all your tomorrows will be just alike?
When the worries have stolen the dreams from your mind
And there’s nothing behind you and nothing in sight

From daylight till midnight, her work goes on
Raising our children and making our home
She needs a new dress, but the money’s all gone
And what she needs most is some time all her own

(chorus)

And there’s nothing behind you & nothing in sight

I’m not going to lie. Last night was rough.

After spending the whole day at work on the internet, I finally arrived home and was ready to get right back on the internet. That is where the shit hit the fan and my world was suddenly turned inside out.

I walked into my home and the gerbil came up to me and casually said, “The internet has been down for a while.”

It was like getting kicked in the gut. I dropped my shit and sprinted to the office. Yep, the lights on the modem looked all funny and weird. “Lights not look normal,” I gasped.

Just like the world’s biggest idiot, however, I still turned the computer on. Maybe it would somehow work. I mean, it had to. I needed it. Oh the arrogant hubris of a mind in despair.

Of course, just the act of turning on…

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I come not to praise U.S. Cellular, but to bury it. The evil that companies do lives after them…

“That’s really great service,” I said. “Now let me assure you of something. At the earliest possible moment when my contract is up, which isn’t too far away now, I will be terminating my service with your company and you’ll never see another penny from me as long as I live. Is that enough quality for you?”

Source: Shouts from the Abyss – We disconnect with you

At last the circle is complete. Now I am the Master.

Maybe it wasn’t the “earliest possible moment” but at long last, the long dark nightmare of the Abyss is over. I am no longer a U.S. Cellular customer!

I called U.S. Cellular recently to cancel my account. Oh God, this was…

Being the boss is a hard job, but someone has to do it. Sure, it looks like fun, which is why secretly we’re all jealous. We all want to be the boss. But if you aren’t extremely careful you might do something nice, like build up your employees, or accidentally treat a lower-down with dignity and humanity.

Being the boss means you have to be ever diligent.

Sure, a lot of countries still allow employers to legally kill their employees, and you can certainly take that route, if you wish. But be honest. There isn’t much sport in giving an employee a love tap with a Luger to the skull. Real destruction takes a little more finesse and effort. Most employees have the potential to be worthy prey. Why waste that potential on a mere head shot?

There is no real right or wrong way to destroy an employee. What…

Somewhere in the world is a road that winds its way through an incredible forest. We were passing through and my wife knew of a place where there was a single parking spot by a trail that led into that forest. One moment we were in a beautiful sunny day and the next we were in an ancient world of earthy smells where sunlight couldn’t reach the forest floor, cool air tingled our skin, sounds were strangely muted and we were surrounded by a thousand shades of green.

“I think we’re in The Hobbit trilogy,” I muttered wisely.

I’m not saying these are good photographs. They do nothing to communicate the totality of what it was like to be in that truly unique environment. But they’re all I’ve got so I’m still going to share.

The trail leading in.