You Must Present
I like this image. No disrespect to Pankaj Ghemawat or the Eight Percent is intended.
These days, if you decide to come after Twitter, you had best bring your A-game. You gotta have cred. Because, when the shit hits the fan, you have a grand total of .42 seconds to capture the attention of that potential follower or lose ’em forever.
You get one chance. One!!
Strike while the iron is hot. Seize the day. Squeeze lemonade out of their lemons. Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.
That’s where I come in. My latest business idea will give you insta-playa status. Make the jump for our special presentation or choose the path that leads to dying alone.
Lassie Laphound
This is day three of The Dog Days of Summer, a Blogdramedy writing challenge. If you came here looking for quality content you are decidedly barking up the wrong tree. -Ed.
Lassie Laphound
by
Tom B. Taker
The face in the mirror was hers and yet… it wasn’t. Occasionally, in lucid moments, even she boggled at what she’d become. Fortunately for her those moments were increasingly rare.
She was suffering from the unintended consequences of too much life. Too much work done, her former beauty now permanently marred by narcissistic overindulgence. Too much partying. Too much alcohol. Too much mainlining catnip.
84 minutes in a kennel. A $2,500 collar.
Too much life.
A once promising future reduced to this.
It was time. Her fans were waiting.
She stepped out and the cheers and jeers of the gathered throng nipped at her bones.
“Lassie! Go home!” they yelled.
Blogdramedy’s The Dog Days of Summer writing challenge commands victims participants to author ten stories, ten days in a row, consisting of exactly 110 words each. All stores are themed based on dogs that she has pre-selected. For more information about the challenge and to view the work of other participants, please click the link. But only if you want stories that have real teeth.
BlogFestivus – Day Three: So You Think You Can Prance
Prancer
by Tom B. Taker
Success comes too early for some. At first Prancer’s was a Cinderella story and the sky was the limit. Like a star that shines too brightly then hurls itself into the heavens to spectacularly burst into flame, it was only pretty for the briefest moments of time before it landed with a thud like a charred chunk of lumpy space rock. And we couldn’t bring ourselves to look away.
The youngest reindeer ever selected for the prestige of Santa’s Team One, Prancer was a rising star on a meteoric course with destiny. She wore it well, too, at least for a while. We loved her. But something snapped and it wasn’t an antler. The sudden celebrity was too much and Prancer was irrevocably changed. Soon she had her first sit down Paris restaurant experience. “I want the barbecue. And then I want the chicken. And then I want the ribs.”
Continue reading →
Honey Boo Boo Impersonation Contest
The spawner of Honey Boo Boo.
Finally, this is your chance to win.
An opportunity like this comes along only every so often. Gobble it up while you still can.
It’s the Honey Boo Boo Impersonation Contest.
The idea is simple. Pick one of the following phrases, record your impersonation, and share it with us. Our select Panel of Judging will pick a lucky winner who will be showered with indeterminate prizes that may or may not exist.
I know it sounds too good to be true. But wait, there’s more. Oh my God, there’s always more. Hey, cameraman! Get a shot of that, will ya?
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Twitter 101: Reply vs Mention
Is that a reply or a mention? Either way, I hope I don't step in it!
I really enjoy the Twitter. It’s the special place reserved for most of my … ahem … wit. (If I do say so myself.) If you don’t follow me on Twitter I dare say you are missing a lot of what I have to offer.
I think it’s an art form. The 140-character limit is perfect for bite-sized chunks of humor that wouldn’t justify a full blog post. I think the micro-blogging idea was rather brilliant.
True, there is a lot of bullshit on Twitter. Like location tweets. “I’m at Starbucks.” Well now, goodie for you. I guess we know you are a venti-sized ass. “I’m at the stadium watching XYZ sporting event.” And you’re tweeting about it while you’re still there? I call that a lose-lose. “I’m at Ye Olde Fancy Restaurant.” What? You didn’t include what you’re eating? Loser. “I’m at Walgreens.” Holy shit! Must be time for suppositories?
Twitter. The new way for those who think they are the super-trendy to be seen. At least virtually. Continue reading →
Shouts from the Abyss 
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