Gold nugget economics: I’m gold, you’re poop

Gold nugget economicsGold nugget economics is a theory of mine. It is equally valid during times of recession and times of economic recovery. In my experience as I’ve seen it in the field it is remarkably universal.

This theory states that whatever “I” produce is always considered to be of the highest possible value – the gold. Conversely, whatever “you” produce is always considered to be of the lowest possible value – the poop.

I’ll provide a couple examples of this theory in action.

When you are the consumer, you are often forced to accept very severe and rigid terms if you want a service or product. The accounts you maintain as a customer will not hesitate to slap your ass with things like instant shut off the second you are past due, penalties, interest, nasty notices, etc. As a business person, though, if you have accounts that are seriously past due and try to add a 1.5 percent late charge per month, the customer will angrily storm into your office, throw a major conniption, then yell in your face that he’ll never be your customer again.

Yes, the laws of the universe dictate that stuff like this can only flow one way. As far as phenomenon go, it is probably one of the most dramatic one-way forces you’ll ever encounter.

Say you’ve been a customer at a bank for eight years. They give you a whopping two percent annual return on the money you keep with them. But if you make a mistake and overdraw your checking by $7, they won’t even call. Bingo bango and you’ve got $74 in NSF fees because they were thoughtful enough to run your mistake through twice. If that $7 was a loan you just paid 700 percent interest. Talk about gold nuggets!

Here’s another example. As a manufacturer, you charge top dollar for the stuff you make or the services you provide. As a front-line employee for that company, I get to hear it from the customers. “I opened the box and couldn’t believe I had paid X amount of dollars for the crap I got.” Yep, another gold nugget has been served. Then you also have the demon clients who want to quibble over every little charge. “You charged me $10 for shipping but the label on the box shows you only paid $8 to the shipping company.” For some strange reason my boss doesn’t enjoy his gold nuggets being questioned. The fun part for me, though, is to then watch my boss turn around and become the demon client for someone else. That’s when it’s his turn to tell someone else that they are the poop. He charges top dollar over here but then becomes the biggest penny pincher you’ve ever seen when the tables are turned. Yes, asshole, you’re the only one who deserves enough money to have food, clothing and shelter and provide for your younglings. No one else needs stuff like that. Only you.

Yes, the gold nugget theory of economics is a never-ending cycle of fun.

9 responses

  1. […] It’s no big surprise that the hot months are the exact opposite. The boss charges top dollar for everything he makes, but in every other thing he pinches pennies so hard I’m surprised they still retain shape. I call this golden nugget economics. […]


  2. […] of this blog.) The word “poop” wasn’t actually used until my 4th post. (“Gold nugget economics. I’m gold, you’re poop.“) I think this is also the first post where I hinted that I’m not exactly thrilled with […]


  3. […] And yet… The blog started on 09/24/2009 and by 09/28/2009, just five days later, the poop barrier had successfully been broken with the post Gold Nugget Economics: I’m gold, you’re poop. […]


  4. […] awesome people who run the place I used to work. I call this whole sort of phenomenon “gold nugget economics.” That’s why I proudly display my family’s coat of arms of […]


  5. […] and the stuff of legend. It all started one day when I posted an economic theory of mine. I call it Gold Nugget economics. Quite simply, it is the theory that I am gold and you are poop. This forms the basis of all […]


  6. […] meme was never intentional. Long before I ever blogged I bitched about something I called “Gold Nugget Economics.” This is my economic philosophy that states everything from “me” is a solid gold […]


  7. […] makes one coffee so much more expensive than another? Besides Gold Nugget Economics (GNE), I mean? GNE theory states that whatever I produce is a solid gold nugget. Whatever you […]


  8. Reblogged this on Shouts from the Abyss and commented:

    Here it is, my fourth blog post ever. It’s famous for being the first appearance of the “poop” here in the Abyss. As we all know, from those humble beginnings, a word that went on to become King of the Hill in my tag cloud. I still believe in Gold Nugget Economic theory, in fact, now more than ever. I hope you will, too.


  9. […] for a fraction of the content represents a quantum leap in gouging. Yes, it’s our old friend Gold Nugget Economics back to haunt us, and just in time for Halloween, too. (It’s a complicated financial theory […]


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