Something Diabolical
The center does not hold. Things fall apart.
No time for blogging recently, so just this wonderful video I found recently. Hopefully you’ll find it to be “Something Diabolical.”
Handling illegal interview questions
You can impress me!
I received an email today about how to handle illegal interview questions. According to the email (always a very reliable source) the questions below are are “illegal.”
Of course, what is “illegal” in a job interviewing type of situation? I think it goes without saying that one person’s “illegal” is another person’s “get yer ass out the door because you won’t be working here!”
Right on. People abusing other people. You know, now that I think about it, they ought to base an economic system on that.
According to the advice in this unsolicited email there are three ways you can go when responding to an illegal question during an employment interview:
- Answer honestly if you want.
- Tell the interviewer their question is illegal thus blowing any chance you had at the job.
- “Base your answer on the requirements of the job and your ability to perform it.” (Whatever that means!)
I feel their advice is incomplete. In an attempt to be helpful here are more options I came up with on my own:
- Keep a video camera in your baseball cap and sue their asses. (Dressing like a pimp is optional.)
- Lie through your teeth. They just broke the law – one good turn deserves another.
- Say, “I love you.”
- Casually mention, “You know, sex is still in play.”
- Distract with your “Basic Instinct” move. (This also requires wearing a short skirt.)
Also, be forewarned that your interviewer may employ a technique known as “probing” during the interview. The best advice I can offer is relax as much as possible and lean into it. With most interviewers this is usually a very brief process, but some might be able to make it last 45 minutes or more.
So here are the original questions from that email answered by yours truly with my own special flair. Enjoy!
Q: Does your family mind the travel required for this position?
A: Let us dispense with the petty mind games, shall we? We’re all adults here. We all know that I’ll be forced to eat your ass on a regular basis. Let us not pretend that I’d refuse to sell my children to the devil for this “opportunity.” Travel is the least of my concerns.
Q: Are you religious? Will your religion prevent you from working extra hours or on weekends when we have a big project?
A: It probably won’t be a problem, unless I am displeased in any way, shape or form. Then I may draw a pentagram around your desk, sprinkle some goat blood, and burn some (mostly) harmless incense while chanting your name.
Q: You have a very unusual last name. What is its origin?
A: Doin’ your mom.
Q: Are you planning a family in the near future?
A: That depends on you. If I may, I’d like to answer that question with a question of my own. Are you available Saturday night? I rarely wear underwear and when I do it’s usually something unusual. I also always forgo protection because, let’s be honest, that just makes it so much more fun.
Q: How many more years do you see yourself in the work force (before retiring)?
A: Difficult to see is the future. Always clouded with emotion. How long does it usually take to get access to the company checking account around here? – or try this alternate answer – Oh please oh please oh please! I want to do nothing but work for you and clean your boot heels with my eager tongue until the day I die. Pick me! Pick me!
I hope these answers come in handy at some point during your career. It’s amazing, I know, but I’m offering them completely free of charge! Just another of the many perks of reading this blog.
Birthday card for the boss
Please just set me on fire
Today one of my mandatory job duties was to scribble something – by hand, mind you! – in a decorated piece of folded cardboard. The intended target: My boss!
Oh the humanity!
I believe most in our society call this item a “greeting card” or “birthday card” or something of the sort.
In some primitive cultures it is traditional to celebrate the annual circuit of their home planetoid around the central celestial body in the solar system by inscribing on a decorated and folded piece of cardboard. The event commemorates the number of circuits completed since the original date the life form was born. Some believe the annual circuit date to have special significance.
So I was compelled – against my will – to come up with text that would be socially acceptable for the situation. This is what I came up with:
Thank you for living one more year so the paychecks continue!
For the record, the second place runner-up was: I’m sorry for your loss. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
I figured if I was to ever be questioned about the second one (which I’m saving for a rainy day) I could always just claim there was a mix-up since I was signing a sympathy card at the same time. I was at work, so that’s highly probable.
Does the Pope writ in the woods?
Best mobility device evar! Now with secret Snuggie compartment and cup holder.
Mind if I pontifficate for minute?
On March 20, 2010, the Vatican released a letter from Joseph Alois Ratzinger that apologized for abuse on the part of “priests, brothers and nuns.”
You might know Ratzinger better by his more popular name: Pope Benedict XVI.
The letter was prompted by a report released by the Irish Child Abuse Commission 2009 that documented testimony of nearly 2,000 witnesses in over 200 Catholic-run schools from the 1930s until the 1990s.
Benedict, who became the Pope in 2005, probably never imagined that he’d be writing a letter apologizing for sexual abuse committed by members of the Catholic Church. Now some are calling on him to resign.
It turns out this wasn’t just another unpleasant duty that falls on the shoulders of the Pope. It turns out that he may have been personally involved in some of the events surrounding the sex abuse scandal.
As reported by the BBC, the Pope has been accused of “failing to act on complaints from two archbishops in the US about a priest who allegedly abused 200 deaf boys.”
Back when Benedict was still known as Cardinal Ratzinger he “allegedly failed to respond to letters about the case.” Something known as a “church trial” was halted after the priest wrote to Ratzinger complaining of “poor health.”
For more than 20 years before he was made pontiff, Joseph Ratzinger led the Congregation for the Doctrine of Faith – the Vatican office with responsibility, among other issues, for response to child abuse cases.
The Pope is also against condoms in Africa, furthering a ridiculous church doctrine that could help reduce the spread of AIDS. The church preaches abstinence and fidelity yet somehow that isn’t enough:
This is the reality: a married woman living in Southern Africa is at higher risk of becoming infected with HIV than an unmarried woman. Extolling abstinence and fidelity, as the Catholic Church does, will not protect her; in all likelihood she is already monogamous. It is her husband who is likely to have HIV. Yet refusing a husband’s sexual overtures risks ostracism, violence, and destitution for herself and her children.
Source: Catholic Church condom prohibition comes face to face with reality of AIDS in Africa.
I don’t know enough to know if the Pope should resign, but I do know this: Some people in positions of trust have gotten away with sexual abuse for far too long. I would guess that only a fraction of them have ever been exposed and even less of them have ever been held accountable. This is one of the greatest travesties of justice of all-time, in my humble opinion. Not only on the part of those who committed heinous acts but also on those who knew and did nothing to stop it or even worse helped cover it up so it could continue somewhere else.
How many abuses could have easily been prevented? Only God can answer that question. The guilt is shared by far too many.
Anyone suspected of sexual abuse of a minor should be treated the same regardless of their role in any church. Period. The fact that church membership helped protect this sort of behavior is unconscionable.
Steps need to be taken to make sure this never happens again. And this time, we can’t leave it up to the Catholic Church to take care of it on their own. They have more than demonstrated than any such efforts are utterly pointless. The entire organization needs to be put on some sort of probation with forced compliance.
Space Donut asks, “Can you think?”
Space Kitten nibbled on our starboard bow. Repairs are under way, Captain!
When I find myself in times of trouble
Space Donut comes to me…
I wasn’t planning to go political again so soon, but like some, I’m unable to control myself. I think I need the internet version of political Depends. 🙂
When the Space Donut shows up that means it is time for political debate but this time there is a twist. Are you able to think? Reason critically?
The challenge for this posting is to debate logically and not rely on illogical fluff. An example of fluff might be something like this:
“Liberals are incapable of being consistent.”
Unless you have some sort of data supporting statements like that expect to be challenged.
Another thing to watch out for is logical red herrings:
Ignatz: “Apples are red.”
Clancy: “Damn you for hating oranges!”
Here’s a humble little suggestion for Clancy: Don’t assume you know Ignatz’ position on oranges. And if you don’t believe apples are red, perhaps you could provide some factual information that is on point and backs up your counterpoint. (Tip: This is called “rebuttal.”) “Ever hear about granny smith apples?”
It would be also be nice if we can operate with zero tolerance on ad hominem.
Can it be done? I don’t know, but I am going to fly my X-Wing through the hole in that donut at FULL THROTTLE if this doesn’t work.
My fate is in your hands.
What can Browning do for you?
Seen on Capitol Hill, March 20, 2010
Browning Arms Company was founded in Utah in 1927. It offers a wide variety of firearms, including shotguns, rifles, pistols, and rimfire firearms. (Source: Wikipedia.)
When the tea party talks about “revolution” ad infinitum what do they mean by that?
On March 20, 2010, “tea party activists” gathered on Capitol Hill for a rally named “Code Red.” The purpose of the rally was to protest against “health care reform” and was promoted by actor John Voight, who said the rally was a way to fight back against the “corrupt ACORN liars.”
The “Code Red” event was organized by organizations like FreedomWorks and Americans For Prosperity.
The sign shown in the inset was on display at that rally. It references a “Browning” firearm and even includes a picture of a handgun (just in case the Browning reference wasn’t clear enough) and a picture of the Capitol building. It also depicts “fire line” yellow tape which is typically used in reference to hazardous areas. (Like a shooting range, I wonder?)
One question I have: Why don’t those in the vicinity take a little bit of proactive action and self-police signs with messages like that? Does that mean the sign has the tacit approval of the crowd and/or the event organizers? You’re not likely to tear down signs you agree with, are you?
These are strange times indeed when messages like that are displayed in our nation’s capitol. I can only sit here and wonder: What can Browning do for you?
My printer is shooting blanks
I think the computer is trying to tell us something.
The top margin contained one line:
3/22/2010 – Print Full Page – MyRecipies
The bottom margin contains one line:
find.myrecipes.com/…/recipefinder.dyn?… – 2/2
In between those two margins? Nothing but wide open space, baby!
Wouldn’t it be nice if your operating system detected such situations and popped up a preview window? “You are about to waste a tree. Do you really want to print this page?”
“I’m a computer user held against my will in bondage and Macrocost Winblows Se7en was not my idea.”
Shouts from the Abyss 
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