Not too long ago I took a wee trip to an old-growth forest where I frolicked in a shady glen with frisky elves. (See: Forest Grump.)
But that’s not the only place I went. Driven as a lemming I set off on a quest to find where America ended. (And I got the answer I was seeking in more ways than one.) But, alas, there weren’t any cliffs from which to jump onto craggy rocks. Only a beach. A remarkably flat and wet piece of transitionary property where if one tried to throw himself down people would only laugh and children would point and ask, “Mommy? I thought whales swam in the water?”
As always I had to settle. Dammit. I can’t blame the children, though. It’s not their fault I was born with a blowhole.
And yet it turns out that I given the gift of photogenic scenery for a travelogue pictorial post. And this is that very post. If the subject line didn’t provide enough iClues see the inset image for a preview of the journey that awaits.
When he arrived in the New World, Cortez burned his ships. As a result, his men were “motivated.” If you click the link to make the jump you’ll be doing exactly the same damn thing. Beyond here there be iDragons.
Still here? Interesting. And disappointing, at least for you. My intro probably oversold this slideshow. This portends well.
It was a little cloudy that day. And chilly. But I still managed to get a sunburn all over my face. I needed to look the part.
Ah. Cute. A young family at the beach. The traditional family unit. A mother. A father. Two electronic devices that commanded their exclusive attention. They also brought a couple of youngling humans as pets but these were of little interest to them. Here we see the mother interacting with her child.
And now the father.
What’s that in his hand? Oh, yeah. It’s Shithead Jr., III.
These two were mesmerized and captivated by their electronic lovers. They never stopped looking at these things and I never saw them look around. They must get good bars at the beach. What’s the annoying noise, though? Oh yeah! It’s that ocean thing. Meanwhile a youngling of perhaps four-years old played alone in the surf. Honey, have you seen the pet in a while?
Oh, there he is. Whew. Good thing he didn’t drown. There might have been annoying paperwork. Enough of that shit. Did you get my Farmville request?
About 40 feet away from the happy campers we found this mysterious obelisk. Perhaps erected by an ancient civilization.
Nope. They were sitting by a roaring fire and obviously decided they didn’t like the rules. Scratch one sign. Quest for fire successful. We found this compelling evidence at the foot of the obelisk. Mystery solved. Beach archeology is fun! Notice the matching rippage that fits together like neat little puzzle pieces.
“Hey, honey. How did you like the beach?”
“It was fun! I leveled up twice. My ass is a little sore, though. Hey, have you seen the kids in a while?”
And that’s how I do the beach. I always look for the best in people. I guess it’s true. You really do find what you are wanting to see. Peace. Out.