The Business Omen: Bodes of Portends

My organization asked me to select a vendor, conduct negotiations, and secure their services. To that end I put on a suit and tie. I also washed myself. (With soap this time.) This was important.

Naturally I selected a slick company that was “unparalleled” and the “world’s best” at what they did. I was connected with a sales person. We did a little dance.

I filed reports with the CEO about what I learned. He got back to me. He was going with my recommendation.

Oh, shit.


A world-class application. (Artist rendering.)

Company credit card in hand, I inked the contract. I was then directed to the company’s website to open our shiny new account.

ERROR. (See right.)

Every journey begins with a single step. Each step is an interval where you can be screwed. Enjoy the journey.

“Thanks for choosing ACME Velociraptors Inc. LTD Corp.,” said the salesperson who was now my close personal friend. “I’ll give you a call on Monday to go over implementation.” He even bade me, “Have a nice weekend.”

It’s now Monday. I’m literally stunned that he didn’t call. Am I supposed to wait three days before I call him? I don’t want to look desperate. Oh, forget it. I already emailed him a couple hours ago. He hasn’t called back.

Where did I go wrong? I thought he liked me.

This is one bump in the road too many. Suddenly I don’t feel so good. This is a bad omen, man. This does not portend well. Beware the bodes of business.

Is he born of a jackal or is that me? I’m new to this shit.

5 responses

  1. He’s an idiot. It’s up to the salesperson to grovel at YOUR feet, not the other way around. He’s the one who wants you to pay him for something and then tell everybody how great his product is. Can’t trust those damn velociraptors.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. By the way, wanted to tell you that your comment invitation about “pith and vinegar” is about the best ever.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I’ve always got my eyes peeled for bad omens. I don’t usually have to wait long. There have been a few more warning signs. Amazing how he was totally reliable before we signed the contract and now he’s completely different. If I wasn’t so positive I’d suspect this was a setup. He told me the velociraptor wouldn’t bite me. He lied.


  2. What a crappy salesperson. I have been a commissioned salesperson at many times in my life, and I can’t imagine leaving a customer hanging like that. I might delay an hour or two to show that I wasn’t desperate (a lie, of course), but I wouldn’t do that.

    Liked by 1 person

Bringeth forth thy pith and vinegar

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