Yesterday, during my exclusive coverage of the Yahoo baby flap, I neglected to cover a key point. So exclusive team coverage continues today. Besides, most of you didn’t even notice I posted. Perhaps if I cover the same topic two days in a row I’ll have a shot.
This week, Yahoo announced the selection of their new CEO. Marissa Mayer, a long-time Yahoo employee, takes over with a compensation package that will reportedly pay her more than $100 million over five years based on performance.
Marissa takes over as CEO of the troubled company and fills the position vacated recently by former Yahoo CEO Scott Thompson. In January 2012 Thompson became the CEO. By May 2012, Thompson was shown the door after questions were raised about discrepancies on the resume he provided. On the resume was a computer degree that Thompson did not actually have.
In other words, he lied. Or in modern parlance, he “padded his resume.” Or, for the cutsey among you, “resume malfunction.”
The reaction from Wall Street was interesting.
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Yahoo CEO has a baby, Wall Street has kittens
New Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer is pregnant. Cue the Star Wars Empire Strikes Back music.
“I am your mommy.”
For once the mainstream media gets it right with a finessed balance of coverage. I just culled these headlines, at random, from Google News. In the urn, this is the cream that rose to the top. I did not go digging or cherry pick these headlines.
- Who Has It Easier, a Pregnant CEO or a Pregnant Maid?
- Marissa Mayer hinted at what she’ll do at Yahoo — in 2010
- She’s Feeling Lucky
- Forbes writer to Mayer: You can’t have it all
- Pregnant Yahoo CEO ignites maternity debate
And last, but certainly not least:
The Pregnant CEO: Should You Hate Marissa Mayer?
It almost is enough to make one wonder, “Holy fucking shit? What the hell just happened here?”
Q. What’s more fun than a barrel of monkeys and the Hewlett-Packard board of directors combined?
A. I don’t know, but former Yahoo! CEO Scott Thompson gives it the old college try (heh!) and comes very close.
In case you don’t know how to use search engines and/or you’ve been living under a rock, here’s the story in a nutshell. The details may shock you. This exposé will pull back the curtain and expose the disturbing realities of human behavior. Like lifting that rock up and out of the soil, the potato bugs and grubs are about to scatter.
There once was a man who wanted a job. And on that man there was a resumé. And on that resumé there was a lie. And on that lie there was a flea. (Oops. I went one too far.)
Yes, this is the age-old story of the American dream, because, yes, that man got the job. He was a bootstrapper who set his sights on the prime time. He pulled the trigger and got er’ done. Do or do not. There is no try. Bring home the bacon and fry it in a pan.
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Hyppo and Critter: I’m the CEO, yahoo!!!
A couple of weeks ago Yahoo! got a new CEO. He can earn up to $26 million in 2012 in cash, stock and bonuses.
This is an FYI: I’m available to do the job for less. Ah, shit. I can probably take as little at $500k and fuck the stock options and bonuses. I bring a wide array of skills to the table and I work lean and mean.
And I can use words like: synergy, win-win, “I got this,” blazin’, meggy, modernization, crowdsourcing, “low-hanging fruit” and social media. Oh, also: array and “lean and mean.”
I also have lots of ideas. Here’s a freebie to give you a wee taste: Don’t spend $26 million a year on a new hire.
Yahoo!, I await. Have your people call my people and we’ll do lunch.
Yahoo! Movies: Spoiler – you suck
Post spoiler warning: Yahoo! sucks. Oops, wait. I think I just did that wrong. I just gave away the meat of this whole endeavor. Oh well.
You know I hate playing the role of spoiler. Truly I do. But this cat needs to be let out of the bag.
Last night, Yahoo! Movies “Showtimes and Tickets” feature made my wife cry.
Congratulations, Yahoo! You just made my world famous “eat my ass” list. Kudos.
My wife and I have been having sort of a rough go of it lately. Ongoing problems with the gerbil, stressful job situations (for both of us), bills, time constraints, family and so forth. Last weekend was a go-go-go whirlwind and we still haven’t really recovered.
So my wife thought it would be nice to take a night just for us. We’d get off work, have dinner, then go see a movie. She looked up our local movie theater (about one mile from our house) in the Yahoo! web site and found Robin Hood at 8pm. She was really looking forward to it.
We got home from work and were getting ready for dinner. Long story short and several Greek tragedies later (perhaps to be told another time) we finally embarked on the one mile journey to the movie house.
You can guess where this is going, right? Well, first a piece of good news. We got the best parking spot ever at the theater. That celebration turned out to be short-lived.
As we got out of the car I looked up at the big scoreboard of movie times and said, “Interesting. Nothing starts at 8:00 pm.”
We walked up to the ticket window. No one was there. Only a note that said, “Come inside to buy tickets.” This most decidedly did not portend well.
Inside at the counter a helpful worker bee approached. “We’re a little confused,” we said. “Do you have Robin Hood starting at 8:00 pm? We didn’t see it on the sign.”
The busy little bee checked his magical computer and said, “Why, yes, we do.”
What the hell? Really? Wow, I guess sometimes the shit really can work out! I turned to my wife and said, “See honey? It’s all okay. I told you it would all work out.”
Then the bee added, “Uh. Wait a minute. I was wrong.”
He went on to tell us that Yahoo! was often wrong with their movie times and the only way to be sure was to call or use their own web site.
This was the capper to one helluva week and one helluva day, and it completely dashed my wife’s hopes and squashed something she had really been looking forward to.
I tried coming up with a bunch of other ideas. Go to a different theater. Go out for a drink. Go get a treat. Throw rocks at the big board of movie times. With tears in her eyes she said, “Let’s just go home.”
Back at home we went to Yahoo! to confirm the scurrilous mayhem that had ensued. Again we were denied. All we got to see was this bullshit:
Sorry, we have no showtime information for this theater at this time. Call the theater for information: (555) 555-1212.
Indeed! Good day, Yahoo! I said good day! Thanks so much for ruining a night we really needed. Ya filthy bastards!
Breaking news: Yahoo ends support for Firefox 1.0
This just in – Yesterday the Yahoo! home page stopped supporting Firefox 1.0.
In case your memory is limited like mine, Firefox 1.0 was released on November 9, 2004. (I had to look this up.)
That is year 2-0-0-4. As in almost six years ago!
How do I even know about this? Good question. Yesterday I responded to a service call from a client. He was having problems with his Firefox browser or, as he liked to call it, “Yahoo Firefox.” Bookmarks were gone, all history was gone (except for the current day), the toolbar with favorite icons was gone, and the worst thing of all: The Yahoo! home page wasn’t displaying like it normally did and was saying something about security.
I went into his Firefox and checked the menu Help / About. I saw “Firefox 1.0” and “2004.”
I’m no technological giant but something didn’t quite sound right. I thought to myself, “I just might be on to something here!” 🙂
So I downloaded the most recent version and installed it. (Something this particular client is not capable of doing on his own.)
Viola! Bookmarks and icons magically returned. The Yahoo home page loaded again. All was right with the world once again.