Vegetation portrayal.

The other day the world came and took a shit on our front door.

Wow. Have I mastered the art of the literary opening or what? -Ed.

Anywho, we came home and found a flyer had been stuck in the front door of our house. Just like I documented recently, our house is always Under Siege.

Yes, sadly, so far we haven’t been able to raise the money for guard towers with machine guns and snipers. Maybe I should list my modest home defense project on KickStarter? How much would you donate?

It was an 8-1/2″ x 11″ piece of standard printer paper. This flyer was done on the cheap.

For those keeping track, that’s two warning signs already and we haven’t even talked about the content of the flyer yet.

Already hating the guts of whoever was responsible, I finally took a look. It was a B&W ad for a landscaper dude. It was amateur hour all the way. Even I could have done a better job. And the most prominent part of the ad? A blown up and grainy closeup photograph of the dude’s face. Maybe he was part real estate agent, too?

Strike Three! Strike Four! Yer outta here, chump!

I googled the guy’s name and found that he had been cited by the state for landscaping without a license. Yup, yup.

That’s about the time my wife muttered something about needing yard work done, picked up the phone and gave the guy a ring.

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!
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