My wife and I have perfected the art of screaming at the TV while Google runs a new series of ads promoting something called Google Play. The ads seem tailor made for millennials, those wacky creatures with birthdays in early 1980s to the early 2000s.
Google loves millennials. Also grandmothers using AOL on Windows 95 who only know how to open emailed photos of grandchildren and stalk the entire family on Facebook. But it’s mostly the millennials.
Millennials are the people in your neighborhood who get run over by cars while texting, fall down open manholes when walking down a sidewalk while texting, running over other people while driving and texting, listening to lectures in college and texting, working mundane jobs and texting, and, if the rumors are true, even use their internet-powered smartphones while sitting on the toilet.
Whatever Google poops out millennials soak up like a sponge. How about Google in your wristwatch like George Jetson? Yes, please! How about Google in a computer you strap to your face? I’ll look so cool! How about Google you wear in a ring on your finger? Yes, I do.
These are people living enhanced reality sorts of lives. Why just look at a boring street when you can wear goggles that superimpose text (in the font of your choice) and describe what’s in view so you won’t have to hurt your brain? And it’s free, not counting the 20% of display real estate devoted to blinking advertisements.
Speaking of which, the ad campaign for Google Play is promoting the ability to watch Hollywood blockbuster movies like “Yankee! Look at me! I am the Captain now!”
Of course, with Google involved, it doesn’t quite stop there. In Google’s opinion, while watching the movie, you should be multitasking. Perhaps using some Google Docs to manage your money. Manage tomorrow’s expenditures and consumption. Let’s devote about 20% of the display to that.
Google is known for search (an admittedly archaic service they continue to offer for nostalgic reasons) so of course they recommend that while enjoying movies. In the commercial the clever viewer realizes, “Holy shit! That’s Tom Hanks. Click pause. Let’s google that sum bitch. I bet this isn’t his first movie. What else has this guy been in?”
With proper utilization of the myriad of services offered by Google, it’s possible to give less and less screen to the movie itself. If done properly, the movie can be shrunk to the size of a single twinkling pixel, much like a real star in Google NightSky.
Of course, at that size, the only part of the movie that can actually be enjoyed is the audio, and that is easily overwritten by Google Radio.
A good movie prompts a feeling of suspension of disbelief. It takes you out of the moment. Google doesn’t like people who are present in the moment. That’s why they launched Google Omnipresent Stimuli. Movies should never get your full attention. They should just be a tiny slice of the stimuli spectrum. With advertising, of course.
“Yankee! Look at Google! They are the Captain now.”
For my first Christmas blog I wish to offer the following thought: How does a rat get in your toilet?
Seriously, inquiring minds want to know!
How in the world did I arrive on a topic like a rat in a toilet, especially on Christmas? It went a little something like this:
At my place of employment (usually referred to simply as the “shithole”) there is a sign in the bathroom that reads: EMPLOYEES MUST WASH HANDS.
My boss has studied psychology and is always using it on the unsuspecting minds of our customers. (My good buddy Counter Culture Clown just did a post on a similar theme.) The hand washing sign is yet another subtle Jedi mind trick. And, as we all know, Jedi mind tricks work best on the weak-minded.
Our business has nothing to do with food. We are not a restaurant. I’ve never seen a bathroom except in restaurant that had a sign that said, “employees must wash hands.” So what do we glean from this? It’s a subtle message in psychology from my boss to our customers. He wants them to make certain assumptions about him and his business based on that sign.
Unfortunately, like everything else he does, the sign is a lie. When the liquid hand soap runs low, something strange begins to happen. It gets thinner and thinner and thinner. Rather than refilling the dispenser with more soap because hand washing is oh-so-important he simply cuts it down and down with more and more water. It only takes a few days until you are washing your hands with nothing but lightly soap-scented water. What a joke.
So I was going to blog about that and went in search of an image that said, “employees must wash hands.” While conducting that search I came across the “how does a rat get in your toilet” image and a Christmas post was born!
Click the image above for a festive page filled with holiday goodness from Seattle & King County regarding how rats can get in your toilet.
Merry Christmas everyone!