Tag Archives: valentine’s day

Abyss Love Songs hashtag What What

boba-fettI’ve learned that Twitter is the perfect place to hide my most intimate thoughts with little risk of them ever being discovered. Fiendishly clever, eh? For some time I’ve been using Twitter to send out long distance dedications using the hashtag #AbyssLoveSongs. No one ever suspected a thing.

Let’s tune in and take a listen to the chilled, ambient grooves of Young Guru in Love, shall we?

I Got Wipes #AbyssLoveSongs

I Want To Eat Your Bran #AbyssLoveSongs

Don’t Bring A Strife To A Fun Fight #AbyssLoveSongs

All I Wanna Do Is A Shroom Shroom #AbyssLoveSongs

Another One Rides The Truss #AbyssLoveSongs

Be My Shover #AbyssLoveSongs

Saturday Night’s Alright For Biting #AbyssLoveSongs

Dangers In The Night #AbyssLoveSongs

Born To Be Mild #AbyssLoveSongs

Snub Will Keep Us Together #AbyssLoveSongs

You’ll Never Wok Alone #AbyssLoveSongs

I’m No Excited #AbyssLoveSongs

You’ve Got A Fiend #AbyssLoveSongs

What Part Of Ho Don’t You Understand #AbyssLoveSongs #AbyssChristmasSongs #holiday

Everybody Regret Now #AbyssLoveSongs

Come Flail Away #AbyssLoveSongs

Does Anybody Really Know What Slime It Is #AbyssLoveSongs

Where Did You Peep Last Night #AbyssLoveSongs

It’s My Bacardi I’ll Fry If I Want To #AbyssLoveSongs

In The Middle Of The Spite #AbyssLoveSongs

Sweet Child In Brine #AbyssLoveSongs

Welcome To The Fungal #AbyssLoveSongs

Bit Me Baby One More Time #AbyssLoveSongs

Hitch A Snide #AbyssLoveSongs

Can’t Guile Without You #AbyssLoveSongs

Return To Blender #AbyssLoveSongs

We Will Block You #AbyssLoveSongs

RT @Metalworks4: @shoutabyss #AbyssLoveSongs Whole Lotta Glove (as sung by a proctologist)

LARP Dressed Man #AbyssLoveSongs

You’re The One That I Taunt #AbyssLoveSongs

Afternoon Be Fright #AbyssLoveSongs

Don’t Go Staking My Heart #AbyssLoveSongs #vampiric

Ring Of Ire #AbyssLoveSongs

I Want To Hold Your Gland #AbyssLoveSongs

When I Kneed You #AbyssLoveSongs

Put Your Head On My Sleepy Hollow #AbyssLoveSongs

Holiday, thy be upon us!

Broken HeartHave a heart, will ya?

Spooky! I kid you not. As I sat down to write this post the song “Holiday” by Green Day began to play on my Pandora. Is that good timing or what?!? I guess I’ll take that as a sign. Things portend well for this post.

So yeah, for most of us, Valentine’s Day is the official end of the holiday gauntlet season and that is certainly something worth celebrating!


The holiday gauntlet is almost a full fifty percent of the year where every 42 minutes or so another holiday is right around the corner. A holiday that, if you screw up, your ass will be a sling with your loved one and put you in a hole where it will take at least three more holidays to dig yourself out.

August 27th – The official start of the holiday gauntlet. For me, that’s my wedding anniversary date.

October 31st – Halloween. A day where you’d much prefer to lock the door and pretend not to be home, but this only makes your mate angry. They seem to think its fun to spend money on garbage and give it away to punks for free.

Fourth Thursday in November – Thanksgiving. A day where you will work your ass off and otherwise won’t do much of anything you want. If you’re lucky you might get to watch a little football.

December 24th – Christmas Eve. The peak of the holiday gauntlet. Nuff said.

December 25th – Christmas. More peakage. Nuff said.

December 31st – New Year’s Eve. Not usually a biggie as far as carnage goes but you may be pressured to stay up past your bedtime.

February 14th – Valentine’s Day. And, cruelly, only about seven short weeks from Christmas. Hang on, almost done! Also, I’d really like my heart attack to fall on this day some year in the future.

March 5th – Wife’s birthday.

For me, that’s a gauntlet of 171 days. Almost half a year! (You’ll have to adjust your own bonus holidays to calculate your version of your own gauntlet.)

That’s a holiday every 21 days or every three weeks. It’s intense. It’s draining. And, unless you are very, very careful, you may not survive it.

Holidays are nefarious. They are there to tempt your loved ones into believing you don’t love them unless you perform some ritual, rite, and/or procure gifts, perfumes, flowers, edible treats, cardboard with messages contained within, and jewelry. He went to Jared!!! and Every kiss begins with Kay!!!

Blech. I’d rather ingest pharmaceuticals.

P.S. Honey, if you are reading this, don’t forget. I LOVE YOU!!! ❤

Have a heart – help me finish this song

Yes, I just got out of the shower. Apparently that is where I do all of my best work. (Usage of the word “best” in this sentence is completely arbitrary.) I’m calling this a Valentine’s Carol. Who’s still up for some caroling?

Christmas lights still up on my street
At the grocery store is a brand new treat
Better believe – it’s only six weeks away
I’m already late for Valentine’s Day!

Now I love my baby with all my heart
But it won’t matter if my wallet don’t part
Unless in the doghouse I want to stay
I better bring my game on Valentine’s Day!

Ho, ho, ho!

Avoiding the gift of chocolate exploitation

When you say “I love you” this Valentine’s Day with chocolate, why not make the effort to make sure it’s “slave-free?” Then it will be something that is truly good for the heart in more ways than one.

From Wikipedia’s Fair trade page:

“Fair Trade is an organized social movement and market-based approach that aims to help producers in developing countries and promote sustainability. The movement advocates the payment of a higher price to producers as well as social and environmental standards. It focuses in particular on exports from developing countries to developed countries, most notably handicrafts, coffee, cocoa, sugar, tea, bananas, honey, cotton, wine, fresh fruit, chocolate and flowers.”

There is another web site called Stop Chocolate Slavery that explains it like this:

“If you want some chocolate, but don’t want to exploit people, Fair Trade chocolate is probably your best bet. “Fair trade” was a term coined fairly recently, apparently in contradiction to so-called free trade.”

Here’s even more of the “bitter truth” from TreeHugger.com:

The truth behind chocolate is not-so-sweet. The Ivory Coast is the world’s largest cocoa producer, providing 43% of the world’s cocoa. And yet, in 2001 the U.S. State Department reported child slavery on many cocoa farms in the Ivory Coast. A 2002 report from the International Institute of Tropical Agriculture about cocoa farms in the Ivory Coast and other African countries estimated there were 284,000 children working on cocoa farms in hazardous conditions. U.S. chocolate manufacturers have claimed they are not responsible for the conditions on cocoa plantations since they don’t own them.

Looking at a list of fair trade chocolate companies, notably missing are companies like Hershey’s and M&M/Mars that control the lion’s share (about two-thirds) of chocolate production in the United States.

So before you give your sweets the sweets you might want to do a bit of quick research and find out if  your chocolate has been certified as “fair trade.” That makes a tasty gift even better!

Remarkably, finding an up-to-date list of what is and isn’t fair trade chocolate in the United States is rather challenging.

Looking for a place to shop that offers fair trade products? You can use web sites like TransFair USA and others to find retail locations.

Here is a site that claims to be a comprehensive list of organic chocolate suppliers. I even have a couple tins of Dagoba on my counter at home. Green Promise: Organic Chocolate Suppliers.