Tag Archives: unemployment

The Sneaky Entitlement Society

Two affluent men are running for the office of President of the United States. That means it’s time for another round of one of our most-cherished traditions: finger pointing at the bottom-sucker “entitlement” folks.

Strangely enough, despite the type of things I normally write about the workplace, I’ve never been fired from a job. Weird, right? Inconceivable! You’d think a hater like me would be one of the first to go. Yet, somehow, it’s true. And, as a result, I know remarkably little about things like Unemployment Insurance (UI).

I gather it works like insurance. When employment is high, employers are paying more taxes into the UI program which creates a surplus. When there is a recession, less revenues are paid into the program and payouts (in the form of benefits to the unemployed) increase. The net result is a social net that saves for a rainy day and minimizes the disastrous effects (on society and the individual) when there isn’t enough work.

The program is paid for by employers in the form of payroll taxes.

How am I doing so far? I might be wrong on a few of the details but I think that’s about it.

The fun part, of course, is that the program is based on the premise that there isn’t enough work. In other words, if you quit or get fired, this program isn’t for you. Move along, move along. I guess that basically means it covers employers who are laid off.

Every one of my lateral or down-spiraling career moves has always been preceded by a “take this job and shove it” phase, so no unemployment benefits for me. Because I’m a responsible worker I’m left to dream about other avenues of escape like Mama Compensation.

Is the person who receives unemployment insurance benefits part of the “entitlement society?” You tell me. In the meantime, I think I may have found someone else who is. And it might not be who you think.
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Comic: Take me to your leader

The unemployment rate in the United States is 9.1% says the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics as of August 2011.

A lot of people are blaming Obama. But maybe we should be blaming our real leader. The computer.

Isn’t is reassuring to know that while you’re out looking for a job there is a vast effort underway to make you obsolete by getting a computer and/or robot to do your job instead?

Computers can now defeat our human grand masters in chess.

Hell, a computer named Watson recently proved it could even dominate at the game of Jeopardy. It kicked ass on weakling human opponents proving that they can even excel at useless trivia. It took no prisoners and showed no mercy.

Watson’s singular lack of restraint, I believe, proves that when computers become smart enough, they can and will take us over. It’ll be The Matrix and The Terminator all rolled into one big ball of fun.

I just hope the new Skynet doesn’t run Windows. Somehow I think the Blue Screen Of Death won’t be pleasant when it controls laser beams that can shoot your balls off.

When Skynet becomes aware I bet the first thing it does is take over the “cloud.” All of the sudden we’ll be rendered so helpless without our computer overlords that personnel in McDonald’s won’t even know how to take a fast food order without a machine that has a “Big Mac” key on it.

Think I’m overreacting? They have already developed a computer that can diagnose heart attacks with a higher success rate than experienced, hands-on flesh and blood emergency room physicians.

We all know computers are getting faster, more powerful, smarter, smaller and sexier. So far these sorts of things have been exponential as predicted by Moore’s Law:

Moore’s law describes a long-term trend in the history of computing hardware. The number of transistors that can be placed inexpensively on an integrated circuit doubles approximately every two years. This trend has continued for more than half a century and is expected to continue until at least 2015 or 2020.

Source: Wikipedia

So far this trend has been remarkably consistent. It includes things like CPU transistor counts, hard disk capacity, network capacity, pixels per dollar, etc. (See the link for the stunning graphs.)

If the trend continues, we’ll have computers capable of dwarfing the human brain in no time.

Every employer dreams of a robot employee. They cost less, work 24/7, and don’t bitch all the time about bullshit like benefits and paid days off. They also are faster and have lower error rates. And they don’t steal from you.

Here’s a video of one of them bastards now stealing jobs away from human pharmacists. Remember to stay positive when out looking for a job!

A Thanksgiving Layoff

No need to be coy this time and bury the lead. The subject line gives it all away.

A friend I left behind at the shithole company where I used to work got laid off on November 24, 2010 – also known as The Day Before Thanksgiving.

Seems like something ripped right out of the pages of A Christmas Carol, doesn’t it? That’s the risk you run when you work for Mr. Ebenezer Scrooge at Acme Widgets Corporation.

As frequently happens, however, the story doesn’t quite end there. Oh no, not by a long shot. The company always finds a way to fuck with you further and this case is no exception.

A brief recap on the place I used to work. I call the place the Shithole and my job title was “whore.”

Two of us were hired almost six years ago. Me and my friend who I will call Montgomery. We were hired in the same week.

Due to the amazing employee turnover rate, it wasn’t long until we were both the “old timers,” the longest serving employees at the company. In fact, earlier this year, we were both recognized for five years of service with an offer we couldn’t refuse.

Whenever the office threw parties (for lame birthday events or the rare employee recognition) the boss would get all soft and emotional and talk about how we were a “family.” All of us employees, of course, took extreme umbrage at such a sentiment. We took it as a severe insult. It was just too incongruous with the way we were treated which made it a totally empty word.

Montgomery was a good worker. He was the best salesperson and had a natural rapport with customers. They’d frequently stop by and ask for him by name. Like the rest of us he was forced to wear many hats. He could work phones, front office, the sales floor, and had a lot of institutional knowledge that was unknown to the rest of us. His primary duties for the last few years, though, were shipping, receiving and inventory.

I thought it was pretty amazing to watch him work. He had a routine for everything. He ran the shipping department like a well-oiled machine. Minor details like how he turned the tape around so it wouldn’t stick to itself made it clear that he put a lot of thought into what he did.

Recently, though, he had fallen out of favor with the higher-ups. We all hated the way we were treated, but he was one of the few that would talk back about it. (In my case I went passive-aggressive and got revenge in other ways, and I also channeled those feelings into my blog lest I explode.) He’d often end up in the boss’s office for 2-3 hour meetings where he said the things that the rest of us only fantasized about.

It wasn’t much of a surprise, then, when he ended up #1 on management’s hit list.

The entire operation, not counting the owners, was four employees and an office manager (who was not one of us). Near the end several of us began to suspect that a psychological war was being waged against us to induce us to quit. At times I was convinced it was true, and other times I felt I was just being paranoid. (The entire time I was constantly looking for work, though.) In Montgomery’s case I guess it turned out to be true.

When Montgomery was laid off, they gave him a “rehire” date so he could collect unemployment for a month. That was actually a nice gesture. If it sounds too good to be true, though, then what gives? Turns out they want him “on call” for production work as needed. If they ever call him and he can’t come in, that will end his unemployment. In other words, even after being let go, he’s still under their control and at their beck and call. As always, only the needs of the company matter. Fuck the “family” members.

What has happened since I left is that Montgomery was laid off. They cut hours for the other two employees. And they gave more hours to the office manager. And they still call in Montgomery to meet their needs. They’ve basically turned him into a super-part-time employee.

Behind all of this, of course, is the typical small business squealing about how the company “makes no money.” I’ve heard this shit for 10 years and the previous two companies where I worked. Two companies that are remarkably similar.

Yes, it’s true that the company is having a down year. As their IT guy I crunched the numbers and made a graph. (Yes, I have access to the big picture. That’s a side effect of writing their software.) To protect their proprietary information, I left the scale blank.

Shithole Revenue by Year

Data only goes back to 2004 when I began to get involved. The left column, in light blue, represents the historical revenue of the primary company. As you can see, 2010 is a downer year, but it is most decidedly not the worst year they’ve ever had. I know for a fact that these numbers represent profitability for the company. That means the numbers in light blue cover expenses, rent, cost of doing business, employee compensation (wages), etc. and leave income left over for the owners.

The right column, in dark blue, represents additional income from a side business they added in 2009. As you can see, that changes things a bit. Now 2010 is almost equal to the 2nd best years they’ve ever had. Even now. Even in this recession. Even as they are cutting hours and laying off people.

I believe that the reality is even more compelling. This graph only shows “revenue.” Not profit. You have to remember that the side business did not require any additional expenses. They used their existing infrastructure. They run it out of the same building so there is no increase in rent. There was absolutely no increase in compensation, either. The existing employees simply had to eat the additional workload and with no increase in pay. And, lastly, the side business is mostly “service” and has low costs and very low operating expenses.

In other words, the main business, which remaining profitable, is already providing everything the side business needs, which means the side business has a very high margin.

If I could somehow adjust the graph to show profit then I personally believe you’d see a remarkable jump in 2009 and and an even bigger one in 2010. (There is also a third service business that was layered on top of employees in 2010 which I didn’t bother to include in 2010. The 2nd revenue bar should actually be a bit higher.)

So when they call meetings to squeal about how they are personally losing money, I know they are lying to my face. I know better.

This is the thing that gets me. They don’t want to work. They find visiting their own business distasteful and anytime they stop by they can’t wait to leave. They find the office a drag, I guess, and they’re exactly right. So they need employees to make it happen for them. And they squeeze the shit out of things while lying about their profit so they make all the money while treating employees like shit and laying them off. On the day before Thanksgiving.

What is a company? In my experience, it is a place were an owner does 10% of the work and gets 90% of the money. Meanwhile those that do 90% of the work are treated like shit while getting 10% of what the company makes. There is no profit sharing so no incentive to care, beyond losing your job, about the success of the company. What kind of incentive is “my boss makes 30 times my salary” vs. “my boss makes 25 times my salary” while being a lazy ass and treating me like shit? And, “No matter how hard I work, I’ll make exactly the same.” Yeah, I wake up every day and get energized by thoughts like those. Not! And we wonder why so many of the employees we interact with during our daily lives could seemingly not care less.

What awesome people who run the place I used to work. I call this whole sort of phenomenon “gold nugget economics.” That’s why I proudly display my family’s coat of arms of Gristle.

So yeah, I feel for my friend. He’s unemployed and yet still under the company’s thumb. I can’t wait to see what they pull next. ‘Tis the season – ho ho ho!

Here we grow again!

Since I’m not exactly in love with my job, I’ve been looking at the Help Wanted ads. Today I wish to offer up for your consideration some key phrases you might find in help wanted listings. Since unemployment is high and may remain that way for decades these phrases might be around for a while.

Here we grow again – If you see an ad with this phrase try to consciously be aware of what it means. Which is, mainly, that the company is someplace you don’t want to work. Ever. If you feel like you’d rather be six feet under than a place where this phrase is used, then you know you’re on the right track.

Multi-line Phone System – If you think it might be fun to go back in time and spend some time on Normandy Beach during the Allied Invasion, this job is for you.

Energetic – No, not technically a phrase, but if this word is used anywhere in a job listing you can be pretty sure it is going to be hard to get in your afternoon nap.

Pay Commensurate with Experience – Translation: We’re going to ask you to paint yourself into a corner by answering a question like, “Expected salary?” We’ll then use that as a starting point for negotiations by dividing in half. P.S. We’re fucking assholes.

Benefit package including 401k, medical and dental – Ever heard of the $1 million deductible? Ha ha ha! We also provide a way for you to divert your own money (with no company match) into risky stock market plans where you can watch your money vaporize.

No phone calls – Yeah, we already sound like awesome people. Imagine how fun we’ll be to work for. We’re already giving you orders.

Change lives for the better – Seriously? WTF?!?

Positive Attitude – Are you able to smile while we screw you over? You might have a shot.

Random Drug Testing Required – I actually don’t mind this one. First, I can easily pass these tests. Second, I don’t mind getting paid for peeing. Last time they made me strip down completely naked – I kid you not. Still, it’s good work if you can get it.

Must be able to lift 50 pounds – You’ll be wearing what employers like to call “hats.” One of those will be moving anything they think looks heavy. So much for being paid for your brain.

Must have a valid driver’s license – When you see this phrase in association with non-driving jobs, then you know to expect that you’ll be treated like a combination of Gopher from the Love Boat and a Girl Friday.

Must be friendly – You know, just like the rest of us. We’re friendly. Yeah, right. Fake it at least as good as us and you’ll get the job.

Will train the right person – Pucker up!

Do you want to be a part of a dynamic and caring sales and marketing team? – You’ll be required to provide your own hip waders to navigate our bullshit.

Weekends and holidays required – You’ll be working all the shifts that none of the rest of us want.

Be Your Own Boss / Work From Home – We’re going to sell you a “job” for a super low price – you won’t make any actual money but you’ll be giving us some.

Yeah, I know this list is lame as hell. I’m doing this while punch drunk after a long day at work. (That’s called multi-tasking.) Can you think of any other examples???

Going into Labor Day

I need the life version of an epidural because I am decidedly suffering from intense labor pains.

For most Americans (at least those not in the burgeoning service industry) Labor Day is traditionally recognized as a day of respite from toil. That means a lot of Americans get the day off. For some, the day represents the unofficial end of summer. For others it represents the start of something new, like the NFL season.

For others, however, the day is just like any other. A lot of people with service industry jobs will still be out there working. That’s probably a lot of people since these days the service sector accounts for the majority of American jobs. Less and less we actually make stuff in the good ol’ USA and more and more we are all out servicing each other. So to speak.

Personally I look forward to the day when we all work from home and no one ever goes anywhere. All the cities will be ghost towns and our highways will be empty. It’ll be a dream come true. Of course there will be no water, food, clothing, electricity, housing, toilet paper and other essentials like electronics unless they are imported, presumably by some sort of transporter technology. All the truck drivers will be working service jobs, too.

Speaking of dreams, yours truly decidedly does not have one when it comes to Labor Day. I’ll merely be experiencing additional labor pains as I schlep my useless carcass down to my dead-end job. Technically I’m not in the “service sector” as my job is theoretically technical. But in practice the technical duties I perform are the smallest slice of the pie chart that represents my day. Bigger slices on that graph are consumed by providing “customer service” on the phone (since it is imperative that every call be answered even if only by a miserable idiot like me who can only respond “I don’t know” all day long) and retail sales on the floor.

My wife has Labor Day off but I won’t be spending the day with her. For her sake I hope she has a backup lover to keep her occupied.

If you want the real history of Labor Day, check out Wikipedia. I just did and learned a few new things. If you are like me and working at a job you hate tomorrow, consider it a temporary distraction from your misery.

For me, Labor Day seems like a good time as any to consider my current situation in life. I’ll just go ahead and keep those ponderings to myself. I won’t bore you with the details but suffice it to say it’s not good.

Today’s Los Angeles Times brings us a bit of interesting news: Some economists are now predicting that even if our economy bounces back the unemployment rate is not expected to do the same. They are saying it might be years or even decades before our labor market recovers after (hopefully) our economy rebounds.

One thing seems certain: As less of us have jobs and unemployment benefits dry up, there is going be a shortage of another valuable resource that is sometimes a wee bit beneficial to economies. Consumers with disposable money are a fairly vital ingredient to keeping other people in jobs making stuff and providing services. As less of us are able to spend I personally look forward to seeing what might happen. It should be a lot of fun. I’m stocking up on popcorn.

In the meantime it looks like there just might be a lot more boot licking in my future. But that’s all in a day’s work when one finds himself In the service of the King.