A recent smattering of my with and pit…
Short and sweet.
Yeah, I just wrote that one. Right now. Real time.
So I thought it would be a fun and cheap blog post idea to find some of the bar jokes I’ve written on the Twitter. Bad idea. It turned out to be a lot more work than I thought!
Someone should buy me a drink!
I write all my own jokes except the ones I steal. I wrote all of the following. Any resemblance to other bar jokes is damn shitty.
Two hadron colliders walk out of a bar and say, “Let’s meet up later.”
I walked into a #Portland bar and a #hipster projected #identity all over me.
Two empty calendars walk into a bar and say, “We’re just here to get some dates.”
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Just a few select tweets about some new movie called The Hunger Games. Some funny and some sad.
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My live tweet coverage of the Oscars:
Personally I think they could have mentioned the number “84” a few more times. Lost opportunity here.
Just a few minutes in and I already wanted to kill myself because I scored perfect zeros on success, beauty and fame. The Oscars were underway!
He didn’t bring his A game. And I couldn’t hear him during his song. The music was way too loud and his mic was way too low. Perhaps they should have rehearsed before going live.
I wonder how much Nasonex paid for the shot.
I’ve heard a lot about The Help, mainly that the movie changed too much from the book, but I didn’t know anything about a poop pie. Count me in!
I have nothing negative to say about her. She’s incredible.
Ah. Bring on the nipple slip controversy. Some TV stations are doing the blur thing. Idiots. I raised my Slippery Nipple and toasted her dress (or lack thereof) and cursed the existence of “wardrobe tape.”
Real human emotion. Oh shit. It’s affecting me. Next!
Hugo! No, you go. Please. Why don’t you both go? In your Yugo.
Diet Coke aimed for cheese and succeeded brilliantly. As in, “I just threw up in my Diet Coke.” Ellen, however, was the bomb. Her commercial actually made me miss regular TV.
All night long, only when the Oscars were on (and not during commercials) there was something wrong with the audio. Some sort of weird background or feedback effect. My wife described it as honking. Whatever it was, I think they did the best thing possible by not making any attempts to fix it. It was probably a subliminal track instructing us all to think that Martin Scorsese is somehow cute.
After that I became very disinterested and didn’t tweet again.
Sally Field’s “You like me!” Academy Award Acceptance Speech for “Places in the Heart.”
Tonight is the 84th annual Academy Award (Oscar) show. I’ve only seen one of the main movies up for an award, so I don’t know how interested I’ll be in watching, but the Oscar show brought to mind Sally Field’s acceptance speech when she said, “You like me.” I watched the broadcast when Sally Field made this acceptance speech, and I did see the movie, “Places in the Heart,” which brings me to the point of this post, which is not about the movies but about being acknowledged. Most of us want to be liked or approved of in some way. Strangely, many people also seem to be very stingy with praise, even when it’s warranted. Millions of words have been written about how easily we toss around compliments so much that the praise is…
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