Tag Archives: tim

How To Train Your #Apple 2.0

It's hard to believe I worked on this graphic all my myself.

It’s hard to believe I worked on this graphic all by myself.

Tim Cook struts out on stage. Music plays. He holds up a device which has 99.9% of the same DNA as a device you already own.

You update that device to the las test and greatest operating system which is essentially the same except it provides more ways for money to flee your wallet and join up with the mothership wad of cash at Apple.

That update makes your device no longer worky.

What does Apple call a person who updates their software on the same day a new version is released? An unpaid beta tester.

Now I ride in like the Lone Ranger 2.0 to save the day. Here’s how to survive an iOS update.

First, take a deep breath. The principle of patience must come into play. Life is short but if you update too quickly it’ll be even shorter.

wonka-apple

So you wait. At least one day.

For the one reader who has stuck with me until now, what then?

Go to Twitter and figure out the hashtag for the update. For example, this week it was #IOS81. Click on that hashtag. Read up.

What’s the general consensus? What’s the mood? If you see a lot of statements like, “Thanks a lot, Apple, now my iPad is a brick,” waiting might feel just a little easier.

Repeated this procedure when they release the incremental in the next two hours. Did they just throw fuel on the fire?

Avoid zero day released and the first incremental or two. By the point three it just might be time to start taking it seriously. Are batteries lasting longer again? Does wifi actually work?

During the wait time you’ll feel very along. You’ll feel abandoned. There will be no official word from Apple. They won’t be on the forums. They won’t send you an email. They won’t reach out with a tweet. So you’ll sit and wait. I recommend during this period of time that you invest in a bottle of Templeton Prohibition Era Recipe Rye.

After several months of waiting it’ll be congratulations. Your long term strategy has paid off. You’ll be the proud owner of a working device. Just in time to watch the next Tim Cook floor show, too.

BlogFestivus: Tortuga

This story is the fifth and final installment themed “Tiny Tim” in a five-part series of 200-word stories for BlogFestivus, A Christmas Carol. Check out the links (at the bottom of this post) to all the participating “ghost” writers for this year’s challenge. We’re spanking the candy cane now. -BD

happy-fill-in-the-blank blogfestivusTortuga
by Tom B. Taker

At the end of the room loomed a high-backed chair facing a large round window. The smell of mistletoe hung in the air. An end table was nearby upon which sat a glass of eggnog and a bouquet of red and white tulips.

Ominous symphonic music began to fill the air as the chair imperceptibly swiveled. It took a long time, but the occupant, finally, was revealed. He lounged, his wee feet extending just beyond the seat, his arms extended and resting on the arms of the chair. Atop a tiny head a festive pork pie hat had been donned.

chamber“Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen,” he cackled.

“You!” shouted Scrooge.

“Yes, me. My production facility is state of the art. Candy canes are running at full capacity. Fruitcakes are ramping up and will soon be the perfect method for delivering your product. You’re out, Scrooge. Out!”

“Wait,” Scrooge stammered. “Dammit, Tim, wait!”

“Give me one good reason why.”

“I’m your father.”

“Noooooooooo!”

Scrooge, sensing a momentary advantage, tiptoed carefully. “My company has developed the black armor. I can still be of value to you.”

Tim smiled.

“Then, together, we shall rule the galaxy as father and son!”

Click on the links below for more takes on A Christmas Carol from our other BlogFestivus bloggers:

Linda penning at linda vernon humor
Steve from Stevil
Maria-Christina blogging at MCWhispers
Dylan of Treatment of Visions
Sarah from Parent Your Business
Dawn blogging at Lingering Visions
K8edid from k8edid
Dave bringing it at 1pointperspective
Eileen from Not The Sword But The Pen
Lindsey at RewindRevise
Kandy of Kandy Talk
Sandra writing at In Love With Words
Natalie from So I Went Undercover
Jen at Blog It or Lose It
Amelie from In the Barberry
Cee Cee blogging at Cee Cee’s Blog
Ashley from LittleWonder2
BD writing Blogdramedy