Tag Archives: tiger

Tiger Tails

Tiger beat

I think it’s safe to say my photoshop skills peaked way back in the day.

Oh there’s a Tiger gettin’ tail it’s plain to see!
It costs a lot when he’s playin’ through the green
Well he just can’t wait like a shopper at a sale
Looks like The Tiger is gettin’ lots of tail

Look. I’ll be honest with you. I know exactly how Lindsey Vonn feels. I’ve also been medevaced via a snowmobile off a snow-covered mountain after a heart wrenching ski crash. I’m assuming that’s what it feels like to know Tiger Woods.

Today we pay tribute to our long-time bloggy friend, the sport of golf, and, of course, the concept of winning.
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Strife of Lie

Life of Pi, Strife of Lie

Strife of Lie
by Tom B. Taker

Never tell ’em up front how the story ends. I had a good movie-going experience. Oops. What? Yes, it’s true. In fact, I’d say it was literally the best movie going experience I’ve had in years. We’re off to quite the positive start, eh? Or are we?

The devices were turned off.

No one sat too close.

The theater was sparsely populated.

But it wasn’t perfect.

The young man who knocked on the door had dropped the name of Cliff Face. He was about to get booted from my porch, too. But that name! It gave me pause. For the moment the stranger had captivated my attention. Curiosity always got the better of me.

“Come in.”
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Short Story: Promises #BlogShorts

by Tom B. Taker

Once, I had held her hand, gazed in those brown eyes and made a promise for all time.

That was ages ago.

What I’ve broken can never be whole again.

This post is part of the BlogShorts challenge. June 2011 – 30 stories – 30 words – 30 days.

Music: Promises

The morality of losing your morals

I find my thoughts returning to it again and again.


This time it’s courtesy of Brett Favre. A man married to a breast cancer survivor. An NFL quarterback. A role model to kids.

Brett Favre. A man who transmitted pictures of his junk to at least one woman who turned down his unwanted advances.

Now another woman has come forward to say that she felt “harassed” by the superstar athlete, too.

I’m going to go way out on a limb here and guess that Mr. Happy Penis may not have been exactly faithful to his wife.

Reflecting on Favre’s situation today it struck me how deeply this sort of thing bothers me. I spent a good part of the last year skewering Tiger Woods for the exact same thing.

It leaves me asking one big question: What ever happened to morals? Did Brett Favre and Tiger Woods ever have any? Or has their public persona been just another role on the stage to hide all the rolls in the hay?

I’ve heard it said that if you toss a frog into boiling water he’ll jump right out. But if you put that same frog in cold water and gradually turn on the heat, it will never occur to him to leave, and he’ll stay in until he dies.

I wonder which is the case with folks like Favre and Woods? Was it is a long series of temptations and personal compromises until they found themselves in too deep? Or is that giving them way too much credit? Were they ever that decent to begin with?

Why make the ultimate promise to another person if you have no intention of keeping it? This isn’t an episode of a wacky TV sitcom. This is real life. These are real people. If you ain’t got the guts to keep your word you shouldn’t be satisfying your immediate selfish wants. Be better than that.

What is it about money and fame that makes some men toss their morality out the window like a hot potato? Or is it really about those things at all? Perhaps it merely comes down to power. There are some who have it and use it and believe that they are somehow special, that the rules don’t apply to them. What a load of crap. There is a word for those who have power and use it to hurt others. That word is “bully.”

Now I’m a pretty open-minded kind of guy. My motto is pretty much, “If it feels good, do it.” I don’t talk about sex much but in my opinion if all parties are acting out of informed consent and having a good time then I’m pretty much all for it. I believe you should get all the pleasure you can out of this short life. What really flips me out, though, is when there isn’t “consent” or there is an element of anything non-consensual.

If a spouse is lying to another then, by definition, there is no “consent.” In fact, if a spouse has outside sexual partners and their mate is not aware, and they continue to engage in sexual activity with that spouse, in my opinion that behavior should be a crime. Perhaps “attempted murder.” Okay, maybe that’s a little strong. Maybe I’d be willing to settle for “reckless endangerment.” The point is they are risking the health of the innocent spouse and for that they MUST be held accountable.

Favre and Woods are pieces of shit. In my opinion they have achieved their respective brass rings. And pooped on them. Was it their incredible will to succeed? God-given gifts? Who knows? I could care less. I say the hell with their ability to throw the skin of pig and/or hit a little ball with a stick.

If you want to stick your winky in every woman who thinks you are The Shit because of your money and fame, then fine. Go for it. Stay single and live the life you want. What you must not do, however, is pretend to be something else and lie to another human being while you secretly pursue the exact opposite. That just makes you scum.

And yet some people still pay money to watch these men practice their so-called “talents.” Not me. Count me out. I don’t care what these immoral cheaters do. I guess I’m just not that sporting.

Golf ha ha ha

Woot! I just sucked!

Before we begin, I have to ask: How do you think my headline writing skills are coming along? 🙂

I have no issues with golf, other than it’s boring and it’s a sport. (More on the latter coming soon.)

So today we have a news report regarding two douchebags (golfer Corey Pavin and reporter Jim Gray) arguing about a third douchebag (whoring phenom Tiger Woods). And, get this, their fight is about a fucking game. Not just any game but one where you hit a little ball with a stick and try to get that ball into a little hole.

Pay attention! We’re talking about important shit here, people!

Seriously I don’t know if any of them are douchebags. I don’t know these men personally. I’m taking a little artistic license here based solely on behavior. They all just might be wonderful human beings. (Somehow I doubt it.)

So which one is the liar? Without being there it’s hard to say. It’s one of those douche-said douche-said type of situations.

That’s pretty much all I have to say about this topic. Read the link to the story if you still crave additional details. As always I’m simply performing my function of providing a breath of fresh aire and giving important news items of the day much needed context.

TMZ reports $100 million in Woods divorce

It is being reported by TMZ that Elin Nordegren’s divorce settlement with Tiger Woods is worth approx. $100 million.

It’s not exactly the $750 million that had been previously rumored, but what the hey. The equivelant of winning Survivor 100 times isn’t too shabby. Nordegren will also reportedly receive additional funds in child support.

I know being married to him had to be icky and all, but seriously. $100 million? That’s a lot of money. Hell, I’d let him have his way with me for less than half that.

So, who will be the next lucky woman to take a ride on the Woods gravy train? Time will tell.

Nike shows love for Tiger Woods

Here we see Tiger desperately trying to keep Mr. Winky in his pants. Epic fail.

You have to give it up for Nike. I think they must be the biggest corporate supporter of Tiger Woods. Other companies may have took the high road of morality and common sense, but Nike’s lust for money seems equal to Tiger’s lust for slutty tail. “Just Do It” apparently has nothing to do with morals.

Nike even recently released a new commercial starting Tiger Woods. It is in black and white and features Tiger, apparently on the verge of tears, staring into the camera while a voice over of his dead father’s voice goes on about things like “I want to find out what your thinking was” and “Did you learn anything?” Wow. Earl Woods died in 2006 but Nike feels this is a way to promote their brand and support for Tiger?

Creepy. Just like Nike’s continued support of Tiger.

In my mind, the big question of the day is why does Nike continue to embrace the values of Tiger Woods? I can only think of two possible answers. First, they share those values. And secondly, Tiger Woods makes them money. For corporations like Nike, money trumps morality. It’s not called the “bottom line” for nothing.

I went to Nike.com and took a quick look around. A search of their site for “Tiger Woods” reveals 39 products. Ah. That represents a substantial investment in a brand and that investment must be supported at all costs. The products range from shirts (you too can look like Tiger while you hit a little ball with a stick) to pants and shorts to umbrellas to belts (good for choking women?) to baseball caps to hat clip and ball markers and yes, even shoes.

Nike released a statement about their newest Woods commercial:

We support Tiger and his family. As he returns to competitive golf, the ad addresses his time away from the game using the powerful words of his father.

Supporting Tiger we already know only too well. But his “family?” Jeez, Nike, you’ve got balls. Tiger’s cheating potentially risked the life of his wife who could have been exposed to deadly diseases picked up during his sexploits. For that alone I personally think Tiger should be charged with a crime. I bet Tiger’s wife feels quite happy to learn that Nike “supports” her, too.

Nike does not support my values. I will not just do it. I will not support Nike in any way, shape, or form. And that goes also for Tiger. Apparently he’s back out hitting a little ball with a stick. How unciting.