Oh Holy Blight!
It’s Christmas time. You know what that means. Bring on the “holiday themed” candies that have absolutely nothing to do with Christmas!
I don’t know if Hershey’s Kisses were the first, but it feels like it. So I blame them.
With Kisses it was okay, almost acceptable, and maybe just a little bit cute.
According to Wikipedia, 1962 was the first year that Kisses were available in different colored foiled wrappers (red, green, silver) for the Christmas season. After that the sky was the limit: Easter (1968), Valentine’s Day (1986), Fall Harvest (1991), Independence Day, Breast Cancer (pink), camouflage, and more.
My god, when is enough enough?
Other candy makers, of course, couldn’t be content to let Hershey’s Kisses have all the fun. Tonight at the store I saw holiday-themed Butterfinger candies. Zoiks.
I saw Jelly Belly candy canes.
But, the topper of all, I think, has to be the “holiday gift packs” of Tic Tacs. These are friggin’ breath mints! I saw these at the store tonight, too. For a breath mint they sure took my breath away. Maybe that’s what breath mints do.
This thought immediately shot like a bullet through my skull. “Finally! Someone has found the ideal product that will, at long last, fill that aching void in the American soul. Thank God we now have holiday-themed Tic Tacs!”
I need to go to the mall. Stat!
“Hi Timmy! Have you been a good boy?”
“And what do you want for Christmas this year?”
“World peace, daddy to quit drinking, my parents back together, and oh yeah, some holiday-themed Tic Tacs.”
“Ho ho ho, Timmy! What a sweet boy. You shall have your Tic Tacs!”