Searching the dark recesses
The internet is pretty good at having information but not always so good at the sharing of it.
“Did you see that video? Thing You Did With A Banana? It was so funny!”
Nope. Never heard of it. Now I feel more left out and more like an outlier than ever before. Well played, internet.
You know what’s not well played? The video itself.
There I was, in my own living room, feeling all dejected because when it came to Thing You Did With A Banana I didn’t even qualify for a participant ribbon. Not only had I never seen it. I’d never even heard of it. Since this is how I measure my worth as a human being I was feeling sad and dejected.
Luckily we recently souped up our home entertainment system with a device that has YouTube built in. I decided to undertake a quest. I was going on a mission to search and destroy.
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Mediocre Fred
Mediocre Fred has been mentioned from time to time on this blog, but he’s never had his own moment in the spotlight. Until now. After all, he’s very mediocre.
Without further ado, I am pleased to introduce… um, wait. What’s his name? Whew. Luckily I have voluminous notes. Oh yeah, Fred.
Fred isn’t exactly the hollowest point in the 20-round magazine. Or something like that. So who is he and why is he a close, personal friend of the blog?
Fred was raised with basic values like decency, honesty and hard work. But he wasn’t particularly gifted in any special areas. He graduated from high school, because that’s what you’re supposed to do, but he didn’t stand out academically or athletically, so no scholarships came his way. His parents were simple working folk and unable to pay his way to college.
He doesn’t lie and his word is his bond. These days that makes him a veritable freak of nature.
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Netflix in Fuckflux
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Who put the MF in Global?
I love things hidden in plain sight and double meanings. They give me a merry tickle. Well, most of the time.
I don’t know anything about investing, but if anyone had ever approached me with an “opportunity” to invest at a company named MF Global I’d probably respond by kicking them in the nards. Opportunity, indeed!
“Mother Fucker Global?” I’d most likely say. Whomp! Nards.
Now that’s a portfolio that holds my interest.
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Lyrical thieves can lyrically eat my ass!
It’s been far too long since my last “eat my ass” post. The time has come.
The target of my ire today: Lyrics web sites.
You ever search the internet for the lyrics to some song you’ve been listening to? Prepare to go on a wild ride of pop-up advertising, blinking things, moving things, popping windows and so forth. It almost makes “Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride” at Disneyland feel like a moment of zen-like tranquility.
Grrrrr!
All I want is the damn lyrics. Can have please? I do not want any of your damn filthy ring tones you damn dirty apes. I’m quite proud of the fact that my phone can’t even handle ring tones. Hell yeah, one of my small victories in life. No ring tones for me. Like I have time to hear “Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix-A-Lot every time someone reaches out and activates this infernal contraption against my will.
I enjoy looking up lyrics. Sometimes you just can’t understand those crazy kids and the way they enunciate when singing these days. But I can’t stand all the steaming crap found on the lyrics sites, and there are tons of these sites, all using similar crap. Apparently song lyrics is a very competitive niche.
So I use a little trick courtesy of Google.
- Search for the song title and add the word “lyrics.” This brings up a list of results that might even have what I want. Sometimes.
- Click the “cached” link provided by Google to look at an archived copy of the page and not the live page itself. I do this in an attempt to avoid all the advertising crap.
- Use my browser’s “view source” function on that cached page (since the crap can still happen).
- Close the original page as fast as possible.
- I’m now look through that source code for the content I want. All I have to do now is scroll down and find the lyrics. Victory!
I did that this morning and found a little something that looked like this where the lyrics were supposed to be:
He was 
a hard-
headed m
Those puss-filled bags of bastards! They went and scrambled the alphabetic characters within their raw file using HTML entities. That makes it not very readable by humans, eh?
At this point I was hating the lyrics web site pretty damn bad. I’ll be damned before I click anything on their site as long as I can still draw breath.
These lyrics web sites have got to be more overly-protective of their content than anyone I’ve ever seen. And here’s the kicker…
They don’t even own their fucking content. They are a bunch of copyright thieves, stealing lyrics they don’t own and hosting them on their sites to make a profit. And being dickheads about it.
Now you know. Just thought I’d share what I learned about these puss bags.
Shouts from the Abyss 
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