Tag Archives: thankful

The Great Vain Snobbery: Area Effects

snobberyOur scientists have identified three distinct phases of Christmas: Before, During and After.

We all know about The Before. This is the land of advent calendars, interminable waiting, day-based countdowns and dropping hints. Not much else of interest here.

The During, of course, is sublime. This is what it’s all about. Ripping open presents and experiencing that fleeting moment of glee. This phase usually lasts less than 20 minutes.

So, what’s left? Just The After. This is where boredom sets in. Shiny objects have a luster half-life akin to that of beryllium-8 aka 81.9 seconds. This is also the domain of “only 364 days until next Christmas” and “you’re already late on buying Valentine’s Day candy.”

There is, however, one saving grace of The After. I’m talking about, of course, snubbery, snobbery and bragissimo. Let’s compare our gifts!
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First Thanksgiving: Smoke Gets In Your What What?

The wrong kind of Bellows although, in a pinch, he could probably still get the job done.

The wrong kind of Bellows although, in a pinch, he could probably still get the job done.

Remember learning about history in K-12? I don’t remember much but when it comes to the first Thanksgiving a few images do come to mind. The following paragraph is pieced together relying solely on my recollections.

The Pilgrims and the Native Americans came together for a feast. The Pilgrims wore funny brown hats topped with a column adorned with a belt buckle. There was maize. There was jellied cranberry sauce featuring distinctive rings from an aluminum can. There was even pumpkin pie. There was a horn of plenty that provided a veritable cornucopia of magical fresh fruits and vegetables. And, of course, last but not least, there was turkey aplenty that looked a lot like simple outline drawings of my hand.

Have you ever experienced that moment when you realized history class left a lot of things out? It was decidedly not the place to go if you wanted the big picture. Or an unvarnished viewpoint free of bias that didn’t accentuate a certain narrative. No doubt there were time constraints or contractual obligations?

My exhaustive (you’ll get this pun after the jump) research turned up something else that was given to the Pilgrims. It wasn’t on the dinner table, perhaps, but I’m sure it was still something to be very thankful for.
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Guru Comic: Giving Thanks?

guru-thankful

Thanking a teacher

descentI was driving home from work on Wednesday night and listening to some NPR show about teachers that you were thankful made some difference in your life. I can’t remember the name of the show or who was on, but some successful person had looked up one of his grade school teachers and the teacher was talking about how that had moved him.

The show got me thinking about teachers I have known.

There was Mrs. Simmons from the 1st grade. It surprises me I can still remember her name. She was a rather stern woman who looked a lot like Aunt Bee from Mayberry RFD.

I also remember my 2nd grade teacher. She was a beautiful woman and I had the hots for her. Seriously. It was true love. Not a crush. Yes, I started early. I’m a little bit sad I no longer remember her name.
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A Very Grady Christmas

I'm thankful people invent things like this. Now we can enjoy a hot cup of coffee and punch someone out at the same time. We have truly achieved multitasking!

Thanksgiving to me is, methinks, a bit like kryptonite to Superman. Give thanks? For this? Yeah, right! How about I punch you in the throat? Thanksgiving must be the ultimate Throat Punch Thursday. Why else would it always been on the same day of the week?

Once I was hanging out with some of the guys at work (a long time ago) and one of them was examining the calendar. All of the sudden he exclaimed, “Hey! Look! Thanksgiving is on a Thursday this year.” Indeed? Now here’s your punch. WHAM!
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