First! (Political Style)
On YouTube it is common for someone quick enough to be “first” to comment. Thus the “first” internet meme was born.
Proving once again that humans never grow beyond the mental age of kindergarden students, so-called “politicians” in New Hampshire and Iowa are engaged in a pissing match to determine who will vote first in the presidential primary.
Or, as I like to describe it, a contest to see which state’s voters will be marginalized the most.
Get to it, kids!
When asked for comment, the Terminator said, “Fuck you, asshole.”
The Office Temp
This is just a quick little serendipitous post because I’m in the mood. I’d like to relate a conversation with the boss that happened yesterday.
Just a bit of background info before I share it, though. As I’ve written several times now, the place I work doesn’t care much about employees. They don’t like expending actual pennies on wasteful things like comfort. So they don’t like to run the heater in winter nor the A/C in summer.
The official policy in winter is that yes, you can run the heat, but if you run it enough to take off your coat, then it is too warm. I’m not shitting you. This is the official policy. Management wants employees to wear their coats all day – every day – during the cold months. (Not a fun or comfy way to work, by the way.)
It’s no big surprise that the hot months are the exact opposite. The boss charges top dollar for everything he makes, but in every other thing he pinches pennies so hard I’m surprised they still retain shape. I call this golden nugget economics.
Unofficially we’re allowed to turn on the A/C just enough to the point where sweat stops dripping in our eyes. A sticky note on the thermostat states: “No lower than 78!”
We knew the boss would be stopping by yesterday, so we had the A/C up at the authorized level. In other words, it was hotter than hell.
The boss stopped by, said hello, and remarked: “It sure feels nice and cool in here.”
That comment was, of course, completely and utterly ignored by us chickens.
Then, again, since it didn’t get the desired response the first time it was trotted out: “It sure feels nice and cool in here!”
Again, no response. It was almost pathetic to watch. Ha ha ha!
The boss was left with no recourse. He had to up his game to the next level. It was time for a direct query. “Is the A/C on?” he asked impatiently.
Oh sweet Jesus I wish I was making this shit up! But I swear to you, this is the exact conversation with absolutely no embellishment. You’re just going to have to trust me on this.
This is where I finally got a chance to step in and speak up. “Yes, the A/C is on. Yesterday, for example, when I got to work, it was literally 81 degrees in my office at 8am. We have no choice. Besides, we need to stop the computers from melting. There’s going to be liquid metal leaking out of these boxes if we don’t run the A/C.”
This confused my boss’ little brain. So I explained further.
“See, the innards in the computers will melt and leak out onto the floor where they will make little shiny pools of metal. Then shiny Terminators will rise up out of those pools. And trust me, you don’t want them running around messing with productivity. They can be quite annoying.”
My point had been made in my own inimitable manner. Woot!
Fuck you, asshole
The Terminator ponders his choices
Did you know the original “Terminator” movie cost about $6.4 million to make? What a friggin’ piece of genius that was.
One scene in particular has piqued my interest today…
Cleaning Man at Flophouse: [Damaged skin on the Terminator is rotting from gangrene] Hey, buddy. You got a dead cat in there, or what?
[the Terminator visualizes: ‘POSSIBLE RESPONSE: YES/NO; OR WHAT?; GO AWAY; PLEASE COME BACK LATER; FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE’]
The Terminator: Fuck you, asshole.
Now that is a high quality screenplay!!!
Part of what makes this scene genius is that it illustrates that the Terminator Model T-800 learns. At the beginning of the movie the Terminator is sent back in time. Like all time travel in this movie franchise, the trip is made completely naked. Therefore one of the Terminator’s first tasks is to obtain clothing. He encounters some punks and says, “Your clothes. Give them to me. Now!”
The punk leader (played by a young Bill Paxton) and not knowing who he is up against responds, “Fuck you, asshole!” The T-800 then displays his surgical skills and knowledge of human anatomy by removing the punk’s still beating heart. Classic movie magic!
Later, when the cleaning man asks the Terminator about the smell emanating from his room, the Terminator runs through his decision tree, including his newly acquired knowledge, and decides how to respond. As we all know, he wisely selects, “fuck you, asshole,” and maximizes the odds that he’ll blend in. The cleaning man shrugs and moves along.
The reason I bring all this up is that I believe I have encountered the gerbil version of this phenomenon.
Today’s puzzle courtesy of The Terminator himself
Can you find what is so interesting about this letter? Mwuahahahahaha!
Shouts from the Abyss 
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