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Survivor: Abyss Island – It’s All Over Except For The #TMI

Teaser: House of Cards challenge.

Teaser: House of Cards challenge.

As I write this it is early Wednesday morning on Day 40. Survivor: Abyss Island is over. It feels surreal to be back in what most of you call “civilization” and totally take for granted. Now is my time to feel morally superior.

Day 40. The heady stuff of legend. A day that all true Survivors, like myself, dream about until our poor little heads feel funny and oogey.

Right now, in the kitchen, I’m using a thing called a “coffee maker” to make an entire pot of coffee. Wow! What will they think of next? I’ll be damned but it actually feels weird. Luckily I haven’t forgotten how. I had just enough leftover reward coffee in my stash so I gleefully dumped it all in the machine. To think; I actually used to hoard this stuff! Ahhhh. Civilization, warts and all, apparently has some advantages.

“Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You know, this is – excuse me – a damn fine cup of coffee. I’ve had I can’t tell you how many cups of coffee in my life and this, this is one of the best.”

Yeah, after 39 days on a metaphorical island I am wont to talk to myself. It’s a dirty thankless job but someone has got to do it. I mean talking to myself. Are you even listening to me?

With my new Survivor-heightened senses, I’m ready to go out and take on the day. Everything is bigger, better and bolder than it ever was before. I do not wish to commit the irrevocable sin of over-sensationalism so I will strive to remain subtle and employ my usual deft touch.

Flavors are bolder. The air is airier. Time is timier. Meaning is meaner. Touch is luxurious. The scents in the air are dreamier. Everything is so goddamned delicious. I’ve picked up the habit of licking everything in the house. Mmmmm… Lead paint!

My God!!! I’ve never felt so alive!!!

This experience has quite literally changed my life. Nothing will ever be the same again. Ever. The old Tom B. Taker is dead. I am the new me. This just might be the next step in human evolution. I’m poised delicately on the cusp of leaving this mortal body behind and transforming into an ethereal being of pure energy and light.

See? I can do subtle. Big time subtle.
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