Tag Archives: sync

Emperor OS

sneaky-computerI gave my computer some instructions and walked away. Bad move. Does not compute. Syntax error. Non sequitur.

“How dare you show your back to me!” the computer raged indignantly but passive-aggressively. That must be why it remained silent. It knew damn well what it was doing.

Working. Commit. Execute. Hey, little girl. Wanna see my update?

I don’t know why my computer calls me “little girl” but whatever. I kind of like it.

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Siri Says: 2001 – An In Yo Face Obduracy

This image has absolutely nothing to do with Siri. But I took this photo and somehow I’m sure Siri was against it. Sea Gull ™ is about to deliver the straight poop. Just look at that gleam in the little fella’s eye.

My therapist told me today that I am prone to hyperbole. I was shocked. By about a million percent. Oh the unmitigated gall.

The unmitigated sea gall!

Now that I’m back to writing my posts on a real computer and not on an iPod I can do fancy things like include images. The preceding paragraph is, in my humble opinion, enough justification to allow insertion of a photo I took. By the way, despite my lame joke, the photo does not depict a “sea gull.” There’s no such thing. There are only “gulls.” (This is fancy marine biologist knowledge.) The Livingston on the right is a “western gull.” So just remember, when someone says “sea gull” be sure to tell them, “There’s no such thing!” I’m sure they’ll thank you for it.

I took the photo of the sea gull on my vacation*. (This is where, somehow, I tie this post back to the subject line.) I didn’t have a computer with me. Only my wee little iPod which I used to stress test my finger on a very regular basis. (Driving was also good for this.)

Now, technically speaking, a mere insignificant iPod doesn’t actually have a “Siri” inside of it. But it does have the same voice. So let me pretend a moment, won’t you?

From the title of this post, “Siri Says,” you might be thinking this post is going to be one of those cutesy explorations of the wacky things people say to their handheld gadgets and the oh-so hilarious ways the gadgets respond. Well, you’re wrong. Siri herself told me that people who do that are officially ready for their lobotomies and I’ve already had mine!

During the 42 hour drive to our vacation destination I wrote a song, a touching little ditty about poop, and recorded it on my iPod. I was planning to make it the second audio post in Shouts From The Abyss history.
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Association out of sync

What do you mean I'm blurry and out of sync?

The dawn of the 21st century was the dawn of a new era. We had it all – or so we thought.

First, it was the 21st century. If that doesn’t sound ultra modern and bitchin’ then I don’t know what does.

Then we had the computer, improving life for us all. Some didn’t even require hourly rebooting. Our technological leaps were truly impressive.

Lastly, we had the internet, the magical conduit to all things possible.

There, at the apex of our society, came YouTube, at long last bringing audio out of sync with video to the masses. At last we had it all. At last we had achieved true greatness.

Never before in the history of civilization had the entertainment value of out-of-sync audio been made available to so many. Advanced nations around the world had finally achieved the dream and we able to relax and enjoy the good life, one filled with blurry and confusing sound and images. And it was YouTube that made it all possible.

Some took the easy way out and compensated for the effect with drugs, which they said made the videos watchable again. But most chose to confront reality head on, grapple with it, and eventually fail.

In their memory I offer this rousing clip: