Meet a formerly wild and crazy guy
The renaissance man in action back when he was younger, circa 1977
“Just the other day.. I went home with this girl.. and she had the best pussy I have ever seen….
AW CMON!! I was talking about her cat! You people make me sick!
[pause]
That cat was the best fuck I ever had…”
…Steve Martin (admittedly paraphrased by yours truly from memory)
It seems to me like women are all a gaga over Steve Martin these days. Comedian, author, musician, actor, screenwriter, and all-around renaissance man.
Poop on that.
Over 30 years ago I knew a different Steve Martin. One that was cutting edge and on the fringes of good taste. One that told ribald jokes. Yeah!
Then he went all soft and started making movies like “Father of the Bride” and “Cheaper By the Dozen.” Ungh. Admittedly, though, I’ve never seen either one of those movies. You can always pinpoint when someone cutting edge goes soft and gains commercial success, i.e., sells out.
Did you know that Steve Martin was inducted as a “Disney Legend” in 2005? He started working at Disneyland at the age of 10 (after school, on weekends and during the summer). He did jobs like selling programs and dressing up like a cowboy and selling lasso ropes. Later he spent a lot of time hanging around “Merlin’s Magic Shop” in Fantasyland. He learned jokes and practiced magic and made balloon animals.
I guess his status as former employee is why Disney claims him as one of their own.
To celebrate the 50th anniversary of Disneyland, Martin even appeared as a “co-star” with Donald Duck in a movie called, “Disneyland: The First 50 Magical Years.” I can’t help but wonder if he got second billing to a cartoon duck.
I wonder if Disneyland has the joke that started this post enshrined somewhere for all of the kiddies to see?
This post is basically a PSA. I just wanted all of the women in the world to know a little something about Martin’s earlier comedy stylings. Let us not forget the type of comedy he relied upon to make it to the big time. You know, back when he was really cool.
Now Martin has a new softer and gentler kind of comedy he usually employs. Here’s a recent example where he shows off his “atheist hymnal.” It’s cute but not quite like the old days.
Walking Short
I was wondering: Is it possible to pinpoint the exact moment when someone who was previously hardcore loses their ball sack? My working theory is that it has to do with starring in a Disney movie or being the voice for an overly cutesy cartoon character.
Let’s use Dwayne Johnson as an example. Sure he started out as some sort of cartoonish wrestling character, but eventually he became successful enough to pull down some “bad ass” roles in movies. I actually really liked his performance in “Walking Tall” where he grabbed a stick of lumber and cleaned up a town. Back then he had wood. It was believable. He chewed up the screen on that one.
Following up that performance, though, is “Race to Witch Mountain” and “Tooth Fairy.” Woosh! There went the ball sack and all the cred he so carefully built. 🙂
Steve Martin is someone else who lost his edge. Back in the day he was wearing rabbit ears and an arrow through the head and was joking about his “girlfriend’s pussy.” (The punchline: That cat was the best fuck I ever had.) Somewhere between that joke and “Cheaper By The Dozen” he totally lost it. Ball sack misplaced. Now he’s merely a multi-talented renaissance man that drives the ladies wild, but at what cost? He’s lost the edge that got him started.
Who else falls into this phenomenon? Eddie Murphy I think. Who else? I know one thing. Not Adam Sandler. He never had it. But I’ll bet there are lots of others who did and have since lost it. And I don’t blame them. If I was offered that kind of money for my ball sack I’d gobble it up, too.
Grumpy grandpa attacks
Grumpy Grandpa was lurking in the shadows. Grumpy Grandpa wields Walking Cane of Grumpiness. Grumpy Grandpa attacks with grumpiness and hits for 27 points of grumpy damage! You flee. Walking on Manicured Lawn bonus fades…
So. Would you rather be attacked by a grumpy grandpa or a grue? I know. It’s a tough choice that could go either way.
Ooops. I just let that cat out of the bag. Yeah, I’m a grandpa. If you are super clever, you can now safely deduce I’m at least 18 years of age or older. Approximately. Yeah, I like to be mysterious that way and keep folks guessing.
Today is also my birthday. Yawn. So the fuck what? Some people think that is a day worthy of celebration. First of all, I’m not so sure I was birthed. I have a strong suspicion I was hatched. Secondly, what’s the big deal about the number of circuits of a planetoid around a big ball of gas being an integer. How many circuits you got, Bob? Oh, about 3.14. Ha! Such a real number. It’s 4.9999 for me! I’m much closer to an integer than you. Loser.
Also, because it’s my birthday I have to make a special trip to the DMV. I’d rather have hot needles stuck in my eyeballs. So I have to write a check to renew my license, get my photo taken, and take time off work to deal with that bullshit which costs me even more money. Lovely.
Two nights ago a package from Amazon.com arrived. The ceremonial exchanging of consumer goods in honor of those circuits around the sun courtesy of Mrs. Abyss. The package sat there on the dinner table as we ate. She looked at me and asked, “Would you like to open that now?”
“Sure,” I answered. “What the hell. That’s two more days we can enjoy whatever is in there before we die. If we wait, that’s two days we’ll never get back.” I was rather pleased with myself for that one. 🙂
Inside the package were three items. A new Creed CD entitled Full Circle. I didn’t even know those chaps had a new CD out. That was quite a nice surprise. Yes, I’m an atheist who likes Creed and even though he’s an ass, I like Scott Stapp. Also in the package was a Steve Martin CD featuring banjo songs. Cool. Lastly, a hardcover edition of Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell. I recently read another book by Gladwell entitled Blink and he’s my current favorite author.
Okay, that’s enough of that crap. You kids keep off of my damn lawn or you’ll get a blast of buckshot in your ass, ya hear?!?
Shouts from the Abyss 
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