Tag Archives: spoilers

Spoilers a Spoilin’ to Spoil the Spoils

ridiculous-car-spoilers-01

Spoiler alert.

Welp. I finally did it. I went and saw the Star Wars.

I think I waited the right amount of time. There were only 12 people in the theater including one annoying brat. These days that qualifies as the best moviegoing experience of all time. Even so, we still defied the odds and had one of the glowing-screen folk in our midst. Who says you can’t have it all?

If you haven’t seen the movie yet you might want to leave now. And hates you, I do.

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To Boldly Not Go: Everything you need to know about the new Star Trek series

aggro-gatordotcom32938It was announced today that Star Trek is coming back to the small screen in 2017. Yes. Finally. A new Star Trek series. That’s exciting news. But wait. What’s the catch?

CBS.

Mothafukas! So much for that shit.

My operatives have obtained the writer’s and director’s guide for this new series including an advance copy of the script. This humble blog is the exclusive source for this information on the internet.

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The Crustacean

martian-2Spoiler alert: For astronaut Mark Whatney, former Martian, it was a bad trip. Upon his safe return to terra firma he tossed his helmet away, breathed deeply and said, “Fuck space.”

He was still an adventurer, though, so two years later was exploring the depths of the deepest oceans on Earth when he was accidentally left behind.

There he was forced to grow seaweed and sea cucumbers and survive on oxygen he derived from shells and Bunsen burners.

Mark Whatney had become The Crustacean.

I won’t spoil that ending, either, but he did eventually return to space travel.

Venus: Whatney daringly visits the second planet in our solar system and his faceplate is briefly blown loose during an EVA. Yes, you guessed it. He becomes The Venetian Blinded.

His eyesight eventually returned and he went on to visit Uranus, but I have absolutely nothing to say about that trip.