One thing is certain: The longer I remain at work the greater the probability I will make certain scientific discoveries. Once again I’m here to announce new findings.

Today’s discovery is something known as the 666 Equilateral Triangle.

A triangle is a polygon comprised of three straight lines.

An equilateral triangle is a triangle where all three lines are exactly the same length.

A 666 equilateral triangle is an equilateral triangle where the length of all lines is exactly 6 feet.

Three lines that are six feet each aka 666.

Shudder.

You might be wondering? How does this pertain to my job? How indeed.

The office where I work is roughly the size of the living room in my house. Three of us humans work in that space. In a corner of that space to maximize crowding. The grouping is such that we are not arranged at minimum safe distance.

The other day, as I lamented for the umpteenth time the proximity of our positions, I realized our seats formed a perfect triangle. And I had a hunch.

I waited until I was alone, a rare phenomenon at work. I waited a long time. Finally I got my chance. I sprang from my seat and grabbed the tape measure. Yep! My hypothesis was confirmed. The distance between our chairs was six feet!

Six feet from the boss to me. Six feet from me to the co-worker. Six feet from the co-worker to the boss. Six, six, six.

I knew there was something evil about my job!

“Here is wisdom. Let him who has understanding calculate the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man: His number is 666.”
– Rev. 13:18 (New King James Version)

You might be saying to yourself, “Okay. That don’t sound so evil to me. What’s the big dealio, you friggin’ whiner.”

Well played. Point well taken.

In rebuttal, let me add this: Absolutely zero privacy isn’t really that big of deal. It’s a caffeteria-style environment all the way, and our triangle is positioned in such a way that two of seats have an optimal view of the third. (And you’ll never guess who that might be.) Yep, with an incremental nod of the head, either of them can surreptitiously watch me all friggin’ day if that is their penchant. They both sit behind me so I can’t see jack shit.

We’re not exactly the Three Musketeers. It’s more like “Two for One and One can eat shit.” Or something like that.

But that’s not the worst of it. No.

First of all, at this image suggests, there are forces at work that are external to the triangle. Assume that C is my workstation and D is the toilet. Coincidentally enough, that is also six feet away!!

And the work toilet is, of course, where the boss makes a lot of explosive noises. Words fail me to describe the phenomenon. Suffice it to say that he goes in, the door shuts, and three seconds later I wish I was dead.

But, thanks to the 666 equilateral triangle, that’s not all. The boss gives omnipresent a whole new meaning.

One thing is his labored breathing. All day long he sits behind me, six feet away, and gulps down air and wind-tunnels it back out again. It is as constant as the northern star. If you don’t find some way to divert your attention you will surely go mad.

There is also the sounds he makes when he eats. Slurpin’ and smackin’ and juicy snap, crackle and pops. Ugh. Mixed with labored breathing, of course.

That’s bad enough, but he makes those juicy smacking noises … all … day … long, whether he is eating or not. It’s amazing but true. I don’t know how he does it. He’s got some stamina.

So there I am with no privacy and struggling not to go mad from the audio onslaught.

And that’s what it’s like to work inside the 666 equilateral triangle. And by work I mean live since there is no other place in my life where I spend more time.

What geometrical shapes stalk you at work? What inscribed forms of evil do you deal with at your job?