This Is The One Where I Save Your Life
Me vs. car? I like those odds!
After three years of daily posting I was recently honored by WordPress who featured my article about China on their Freshly Pressed page. As a result of that freak accident I picked up a few new friends as subscribers. Welcome! I’m a Fresh Maker.
For all my friends, both freshly new and old/busted, today I will reveal arcane knowledge that will, if heeded, save your life. I can single-handedly make you remain a viable member of the elite group known as “still alive.”
Interested? Read on! And unlike some people, after I’ve saved your life my demands on your servitude will barely be noticeable. You won’t even know I’m here.
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Gaffe Wars
Political candidates sometimes say inexplicable things. For example, recently Barack Obama said that “the private sector is doing fine” sending some on the right into epileptic fits that were half acrimony and half nirvana.
One thing about gaffes is attempting to discern what they really are. Just a slip of the tongue? Saying the opposite of what was intended by mistake? The accidental disclosures of true feelings? The perplexing result of being a bit too clever with arguments? Or just plain and simple “fuck my mouth” moments? Each gaffe needs to be explored to hopefully determine exactly which might be the case.
Obama tried to walk back his “fine” comment by saying he meant the private sector wasn’t the problem with the economy. When that didn’t pan out, he tried to frame it as a comment about “good momentum.” Finally he admitted that it was “absolutely clear” the private sector was not fine. I’m still a little confused about the whole thing and what he was really trying to say. Either way, some on the right were at the ready to rip his comment to shreds.
So I decided to explore some other moments in recent gaffe history.
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Big Shot
OK. Hey, I’m not trying to be a big shot or anything like that, but I get my drinks half price.
(audience laughter)
Mr. MARTIN: That’s right, for every one you buy, I get two. So I can just have about as much as I want, you know what I mean? And it doesn’t affect me.
(sound of someone falling)
–Steve Martin
“Studies.” Some people say that word with utter contempt. “What the hell can studies tell us about anything? Fuck studies.”
Let’s review a few of my favorites.
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Shouts from the Abyss 
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