Showing the patience of a saint, class, humility, dignity and style, Tiger Woods sat out a grand total of zero Masters tournaments before announcing his return. This is, of course, exactly as predicted by yours truly deep down here in the bowels of the abyss.

It was way back on Dec. 11th that Woods announced he’d take an “indefinite break” from golf to try to save his marriage. As if we needed additional evidence of exactly how much worth he places on that sacred institution.

For those who study calendars, the grand total of that “indefinite break” turned out to be about four months. Shit! Who can even remember that far back? That’s a whole whopping one-third of a year. Our memories can only go back so far, ya know?

No doubt Woods believes that the quicker he gets back into play the quicker the public’s collective memory will fade.

He probably has publicity strategists planning his every move.

Here’s a piece of free publicity advise for Mr. Woods: Keep Mr. Winky in his frickin’ cage!

Tiger, I’m available for consultations at my standard ten percent rate if you need more, and I think we all know you do.