Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-do
I have another puzzle for you
Oompa Loompa doom-pa-da-dee
If you are wise, you’ll listen to me
Who do you blame when your kid is a brat?
Pampered and spoiled like a Siamese cat
Blaming the kids is a lie and a shame
You know exactly who’s to blame
The mother and the father
Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-da
If you’re not spoiled, then you will go far
You will live in happiness too
Like the Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-do
(My emphasis added.)
Like I’ve always said, parents are the absolute worst people to have children.
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My wife had surgery and I took on the role of being her one and only caregiver. (Hey, a new word for my resume.) In other words, high jinx has ensued.
A mere 24 hours ago I was so naive in the ways of the world. I had never been The Guy before. I look back in time at that previous version of me and think, “You chump.”
A lot has happened since then. Let’s get you up to speed.
I’m an employee. I don’t own this outfit. But if I did, I’ll tell you what I’d do to improve things around here:
Shut down the phones and eliminate all of the customers!
Oh yeah, then life would be good!
Not a very realistic business plan, though, eh?
Allow me to introduce Angry Customer Guy. On Day One you meet him in your store. You can tell right off the bat he’s a difficult and ornery sort. After working retail for a while you develop a sixth sense for this sort of thing.
Our business has a policy that all in store sales are final. The policy is posted in several places by the counter and the cash register. I usually mention this policy prior to making the sale just to avoid any unfortunate misunderstandings.
Even though we have this policy, we’re still flexible. We take care of customers all the time, with or without receipt, and usually no matter how much time has elapsed (within reason) as long as the product is still new and in sellable condition. We’ve even gone back years to work with customers. It works a little something like this: “I bought the XYZ Widget. I went home and shoved it in the closet for my spouse who was serving in Iraq. My spouse just got home a year later and we checked it out and it was the wrong widget.” We took care of that customer.
This customer, however, stormed in a few days later and threw his stuff down on the counter and demanded his money back. Because he bought the product just a few days ago he’s automatically eligible for an exchange or store credit. However, he wouldn’t let our service rep talk. As we tried to work with him he just got angrier and angrier. It can be hard to solve a problem for someone who won’t allow you the basic courtesy of speech.
Finally the man exclaimed that he is “a merchant in this town!” Whatever that is supposed to mean. Then he said he’s calling his lawyer. Then he said, “You guys do business on the internet, right? Well my son is an engineer at Microsoft!!!” and stomped out the front door. As the webmaster here, this comment caught the corner of my ear. Just what in the hell is that supposed to mean? I took it as a veiled threat against our web site.
Wow. It must be a lot of fun being that man. I may tend to be a bit negative, but I try to start every human interaction with the benefit of the doubt. Even if I’m angry I’ll see how I’m treated and I’ll be nice until I’m given a reason to behave otherwise.
This guy was obviously angry because his widget wasn’t working out for some reason. What that reason might be, we may never know. We were never provided with that information.
I hope this grumpy old man finds some sort of happiness before he croaks. It can’t be much fun going through life as a flaming douchebag.
Oh yeah, we were just served with his credit card dispute. It seems he is contesting the charge through his credit card company. Interestingly enough he states in his dispute, “product not as stated.” Huh? Nothing was stated. He took the thing off a shelf and bought it. Dumb ass.