Tag Archives: sexting

I Text Myself

Dear Self, This is a Text.

I’m loving myself
When a text goes bing
I sent it myself
While one-handed typing
I’m searching myself
I want me nearer
Forget everyone else
My phone has a mirror


I don’t want anyone else
When I think about me
I text myself
I don’t want anybody else
Oh no, oh no, oh no!

I’m the one who is witty honey
I’ve got to hand it to myself
I never write shitty bunny
I want to make me mine

I close my eyes
And see me before me
Think I would die
If id would ignore me
If my ego could see
Just how much I adore me
I get down on those keys
I’d do anything for self whee!


I want me
I don’t want anybody else
And when I think about me
I text myself
Ooh, oooh, oooooh, aaaaaah


Quoth the Tiger, “Nevermore!”

Thank you for standing by me, Nike!

We pause today for a reading from the Book of Tiger:

“God girl. You better want to take care of me… I want to treat you rough. Throw you around, spank and slap you… Slap your face. Treat you like a dirty little whore… Hold you down while I choke you.”

The above is a portion of text messages that are allegedly attributed to Tiger Woods and released by Joslyn James, one of his mistresses. (As reported by The New York Post.)

I apologize for dirtying and cheapening your computer screen. That’s my job.

By the way, the subject line is a reference to a little known literary masterpiece by E.A. Ho:

“Horny, firm, and salacious Tiger, wandering from his Nightly whore,– Tell me what thy wifely name is on the marital shore! Quoth the Tiger “Nevermore!”

This has been a reading from the Book of Tiger. Now go take on the day!