Self Serving Portions
Wow. My boss must be moonlighting as a copywriter for food processing companies. Enjoy the observational humor and wit. “Serving suggestion.” That cracks me up.
“This is only a suggestion, mind you, but we recommend it puts the product in its mouth. Masticate and swallow as necessary. Repeat these steps until product is all gone gone.”
I hope this wisdom will be preserved so thousands of years from now when future archeologists are studying us they’ll be amazed at what we came up with.
Don’t try eating that meat with a spoon. No, no, no. That won’t do at all.
In the Taker household, late at night, basking in the warm glow of the television set, cries of “Treat, treat!” can often be heard.
Household policy dictates that the person who didn’t make dinner (that would usually be me) is in charge of rounding up and serving the evening dessert. Additionally, the person who is receiving the treat gets to make the choice between the two servings. This ensures fair distribution of product. It is strictly prohibited to give yourself a giant bowl of ice cream and pawn off a tiny bowl on your mate. Bad form.
Sometimes, though, when one is feeling particularly cruel and devious, the notion of “servings per container” may come into play. That’s when things really get dicey.
HFCS. High-fructose corn syrup.
I was just subjected to an ad by these motherfuckers as payment for watching a YouTube video. Gag me with a spoon!
OK, HFCS. You got my attention. You want to play? Let’s play!
First things first. The ads say they are paid for by the “Corn Refiners Association.”
WTF #1 – Corn can be refined? Now that’s something I didn’t now, and didn’t want to know. Ever!
Technically the ad I saw was paid for by The Center for Consumer Freedom. Ah, freedom! Such a noble concept. Who could ever object to something like “freedom,” right?
So who is this Center for Consumer Freedom, anyway? According to their official web site:
The Center for Consumer Freedom is a nonprofit coalition of restaurants, food companies, and consumers working together to promote personal responsibility and protect consumer choices.
Am I reading that correctly? It seems they are saying that those who use their products are irresponsible but that we should have the freedom to be irresponsible like that if we want.
Not quite the most compelling inducement of all time. Heh!
The commercial I saw had an ear of corn in a police line up with a sugar cube and a bottle of honey. It made the following points:
- All three have the same calories.
- All three are processed by the body in the same way.
As my body double Chris Farley was often wont say, “Well, La-Dee Frickin’ Dah!”
Let’s assume the claims in this ad are true. What has been proved? Is HFCS healthy? No. They make no such claim. If anything, the ad can be interpreted as saying, “Hey, don’t pick on us. We’re just as bad as these other guys.”
But that’s not where my beef lies with these folks. (Did I mention they hate PETA, too?)
Try This at Home Science Experiment
It’s time for a science experiment, boys and girls. One you can even do yourselves!
For this experiment you will need:
- The ability to read
- A grocery store
Step 1 – Go to a grocery store.
Step 2 – Find the soup aisle.
Step 3 – Pick up a can of Campbell’s Tomato Soup.
Step 4- Read the label and find the ingredients.
Step 5 – Identify the third ingredient listed, by volume. (Per U.S. labeling laws.)
Well, what did you come up with?
If you found “high-fructose corn syrup” you are a critical thinker and first class scientist! Well done! (For my photograph above I used Brand X and HFCS was the second ingredient. It went: tomato, HFCS, then water. Mmm mmm good food, eh?)
According to the label on the can, that’s 24 grams of sugar carbohydrates per “serving.” And we all know what a “serving” is, right? About 1/4 of what a typical American will eat. 🙂
It’s not just tomato soup, either. HFCS can be found in a dizzying array of surprising products. Why is that, you think? Americans have quite the sweet tooth. Even our non-dessert foods need to be sugary.
Now the people who brought us plan to rename their product. Instead of “high fructose corn syrup” it will be “corn sugar.” Their goal? Obfuscation! It seems HFCS has a negative connotation in the minds of many consumers these days, so the solution is obvious. Rename it! That should be them some time.
The Corn Refiners Association has a high opinion of consumers. “Clearly the name is confusing consumers,” said the president of the group. (Source.)
I don’t think consumers are confused at all.
A high fructose corn syrup by any other name would smell as sweet.
A big appetite for sharing dessert
Hey. Who’s hungry? And who likes math?
I’m always hungry for math. Thanks to Mars Snackfood US, LLC, I just came across another opportunity to feature some math on my blog. Thank you, Mars. Woot!
Today we will undertake a sweet tutorial of solving a math problem. Grab your calculators and play along as we attempt to divide the rational number 3.27 by 2. Sound like fun? Keep reading!
In my grubby little fingers I’m holding a bag of Peanut M&M Chocolate Candies. The bag proudly says “Sharing Size – 2 Servings” with a quite colorful design featured prominently on the bag.
If you are clever perhaps you’ve already guessed that the bag contains delicious product in the amount of 3.27 ounces. Thar she blows!
Let’s say I want to share this awesomely sharable bag with my friend Cher. (It could happen.) How much will each of us get? Hmm. That’s 3.27 divided by two or …
1.635 ounces each!
Let’s be generous and round that up 1.64 ounces. Oh yes, that sounds like a lot more now.
You better bring your hungry man appetite for this substantial desert. 1.64 ounces? Wow. Can a human eat that much in one sitting?
Brace yourself: Those 1.64 ounces pack a punch. That’s a whopping 240 calories per serving size. Or, in terms most Americans will probably understand, that’s 480 calories per bag. For most of us the concept of “serving size” doesn’t mean a whole hell of a lot. How many of us ever eat one-half of a bag of M&M’s and then stop?
As if that isn’t enough, for added bonus there is also 20mg of sodium, or about 1% of DV. (Daily Value.) Don’t worry. It won’t fill you up too much. Probably.
Raise your hand if you feel full? Oh, I feel full alright. But not of M&M candies. What else can you be full of, I wonder? 🙂
Now that you’ve solved a math problem grab one of these small bags of M&M candies and find a friend to share half. You’ll be glad you did!