A contest!

You could win this action figure – some dude from The Simpsons cartoon I think – and only previously mauled by a cat.

The premise for the contest: Boss said that!

Rules: Post a comment on this post or a tweet at @shoutabyss on Twitter to enter. The entry must contain an actual boss quotation.

The winner will be selected by the Abyss Editorial Board by the end of November. The winning entry will be selected based on a strict criteria consisting of some combination of unparalleled excellence of the following: pith, assholiness, negativity, futility, moronitude, doublespeak, obliviosity, ineptness, greed, deception, lack of ethics, obfuscation, pointlessness, drooling, criminality and/or hypocrisy.

The winning entry will be announced on this blog and on the official Abyss twitter feed.

Disclaimer: To claim the prize, the winner grants reprint rights to the Abyss.

The prize will be sent via the United States Postal Service to locations within the United States. Estimated value of prize: 42 drachmas or one-tenth of one cent, whichever is less. Odds of winning: 100% (based on a single entrant). Additional entrants will lower odds of winning accordingly.

To get things started, here’s an example of actual words uttered by a prickholio of a boss:

I have spoken.
–Boss

This particular example was spoken three months after a suggestion was called stupid by the boss, right after the boss said the idea would be implemented as his idea. Fuck nut.

Enter early and enter often. There can only be one winner, the rest of you will be dinner. Good luck!