Priced as marked
“This post doesn’t have a price tag? It must be free, right? Ha ha ha ha ha ha!”
In response, the Abyssian customer service associate doesn’t lose his shit and calmly points at the the wall. “Clearly you did not see our sign.” It reads:
“The next customer to crack the ‘it must be free’ joke on an unmarked item will be stabbed in the eye. Thank you for shopping Abyss Inc.”
–Our humorous sign (patent pending)
And no, this post is not free. By reading this far, per our implied EULA buried on some other page you’ve never visited, you already owe me $2.99. I’d immediately quit reading if I were you.
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Flash Friction: Marshmallow Armageddon
Not all marshmallows burn in the fire. Some end up here.
I noticed a trend. My posts filled with vile hate and bitterness haven’t been getting much love. I thought to thine own self I was supposed to remain true? I think what Shakespeare must have meant was to try that, at least until the comments start to go down. So this morning I woke up resolute and ready to do something different. I was going to write something happy, uplifting and full of joy. The following piece of Flash Friction is the result. Enjoy! –Ed
It was a day that started much like any other. My friends and I were chilling, as always, in The Bag.
Things with the wife were in a state of flux. I wasn’t quite as stay puft as I used to be. Of late the relationship was getting a bit stale.
Like often happens in times of melancholy, I found myself in my special place. I admit I was feeling a bit roasted. It was the far corner of The Bag and the place where the Holy Ingredients were listed. I’d been here so many times I’d long since memorized them all, and my eyes had long ago adjusted to the backwards printing.
… sugar … corn syrup … water … gelatin … dextrose … vanilla flavorings …
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Shouts from the Abyss 
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