Embedded: Twitter puts outage
Hide and seek. Did I scare you?
Earlier this week, Twitter went down. It went down hard. It was scary. I know because I was there. I now officially have the PTSD. At last, I’m finally somebody.
The duration of the outage was about 45 minutes. That’s approximately twice the amount of time Apollo 13 spent out of radio contact when it was behind the moon. I just got a double dose of what it must have felt like to be in Mission Control. And I’m a non-smoker!
It was the longest outage since Twitter’s IPO and the second crash in the last nine days.
The outage was described in the strongest possible terms as the “longest outage since the IPO.” What those two things have to do with each other I have absolutely no idea.
Some in the media took the opportunity to write quippish jokes about the mayhem. (Hint: It was too soon.) Jokes, I must say, that practically wrote themselves.
- “Twitter Suffers Outage During Biz Stone’s Panel at SXSW” – I don’t know what a “Biz Stone” is but I bet it was pissed. Source: WSJ.
- “Twitter Outage Takes Site Down for 45 Minutes, Users Stranded” – I bet a lot of them were forced to hitchhike. Source: Newsmax.com.
- “Twitter goes down, chaos and productivity ensue” – What the fuck are you implying? Source: Washington Post.
- “‘We Experienced Unexpected Complications’: The Language Of Twitter Outages” – Hey, that’s the hip new lingo. Source: Lifehacker Australia.
- “Twitter Goes Down: Something is Technically Wrong” – You have a firm grasp of the obvious. Souce: The Next Web.
- “Twitter Briefly Goes Down, Silencing Millions Of Horrible, Unnecessary Twitter Jokes” – That hurts, that really hurts. Source: Huffington Post.
Again, as your intrepid embedded reporter, I was there on the front lines. What follows are my eyewitness firsthand accounts of the action as it unfolded.
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Sand in the wound
Apparently there was some sort of sporting contest recently involving hockey. Whatever. That would be of little interest to me except that some “fans” in the losing city decided to respond by taking to the streets and engaging in acts of vandalism and destruction.
These are no longer your garden variety idiots. They have promoted themselves to criminals. Let the proclamations of innocence commence! If you ask everyone in the area, I’m sure you’d be amazed to hear that absolutely none of them would ever be caught doing anything like this. And, if you drag mom into it, she’ll be sure to say things like the boy “isn’t an anarchist or a career rioter.” Yeah, right, mom! How in the hell would you know???
The fun part, though, involves Facebook. Roger Ebert posted a screenshot of the Facebook page of “Brock Anton” who wrote a “status” update on his “wall”:
Maced in the face, hit with a Batton, tear gassed twice, 6 broken fingers, blood everywhere, punched a fucken pig in head with riot gear on knocked him to the ground, through the jersey on a burning cop car flipped some cars, burnt some smart cars, burnt some cop cars, I’m on the news…. One word ….. History 🙂 🙂 :))
In less than a minute, a responder added a comment, saying, “brockkkk! take this down!!! its evidence!”
Curious, I googled the dude’s name and found a group on Facebook entitled, “Brock Anton Sucks Dick.” That group contains two images apparently showing “Brock Anton” in his signature sunglasses near an upside-down car while the riot was in progress.
Below one of the pictures, a Facebook commenter named “Shannon King” had this to say:
what a loser! the ONLY time this moron gets laid again will be in a cell by a sexy man named Bubba and he’ll sprinkle sand on it before ramming it in loser’s ass…enjoy the deep penetration
So far Shanon’s comment has been “liked” by 19 people. I tried to visit her profile and send her my deepest appreciation but I’m not her “friend,” so apparently that is not allowed.
Thank god for sports! This all helps restore my faith in humanity.
More reading:
Outed on Facebook, alleged rioter claims innocence
Shouts from the Abyss 
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