Resignates Man
“Are you not intertwined?” shouted the gladiator. Then, almost as an afterthought, he added, “What we do at our job resignates in eternity.”
Yeah, it does feel that way sometimes. Luckily my craft doesn’t rely too heavily on proper grammar and fancy so-called “dictionary” words. Hey, just like my blog.
Yes, I’ve called this mandatory staff meeting to discuss resignation origami. (See inset picture.) In the spirit of multitasking this is also my ode to the Pope. To ensure professionalism at all times I hired Phil Mickelson as a consultant.
My research indicates that when it comes to quitting a job there are a few factors that are (allegedly) paramount:
- Give two weeks notice, more if possible
- Don’t burn your bridges
- Write a letter of resignation
- Be respectful
- Be diplomatic
- Be tactful
- Stay professional
- Offer to help
In other words, try to hold yourself to a standard higher than your employer ever showed you. Shit always flows downhill. Apparently, when quitting, the reverse is also true. Gold nuggets are supposed to defy gravity.
Ugh.
But, even so, behold the awesome power of a properly wielded Letter of Resignation (LoR) which automatically confers +7 intelligence and enhanced saving rolls.
More of my observations on this bit of arcane power will magically appear after the jump.
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Staff Infection Meeting
I once quit a job over a staff meeting. True story. I’m sure it’s documented here on the blog somewhere, but long story short, they made us on the 6am crew stick around for a 5pm meeting. I asked, “Is it important?” Our managers assured us it was. “You have to be there,” they said.
The meeting started and the first item of business was rolling out birthday cake for our safety director. At 5-fucking-o-clock. It’s not like most of us would be consuming dinner any time soon.
Then, for the icing on the cake, the rest of the hour was consumed by our managers reading memos to us. Line-by-line. Word-by-word. Like we were in kindergarten or something. Memos that had previously been delivered to our inboxes. Memos I had already read on my very own. It was worse than an insult to our intelligence. It was calling us babies.
After the meeting I opted to go back to my desk rather than heading straight home. I sat there and wrote out a memorandum of my own. Perhaps you’ve heard of it. It’s a classic piece of Americana called the letter of resignation. I plopped that puppy on my manager’s desk and then called it day.
Good times.
In another place and another time there was another staff meeting. This one involved the quintessential management tool known as the employee survey.
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How Will You Quit?
Hello, 80-20, my old friend. You still remember me.
Unless you’re a freak, you’ve spent a good portion of time at your current job daydreaming about how you’ll quit.
Not if or when. But how.
It is inevitable. It is unavoidable. It is your destiny.
Quitting is the winning.
–Tom B. Taker
I’m not sure about the point of this exercise, though. It’s not like I’ve ever actually done any of the things I’ve imagined. And, trust me on this, I’ve imagined quite a bit.
Worse, when quittin’ time invariably does roll around, I get all squeamish and nervous and icky and mealymouthed. I don’t enjoy confrontation. Hey! I just had an idea. Is it possible to call in sick for quitting? Now that’s some truly officer thinking.
My wife has been thinking about quitting. (News flash.) This morning she floated the idea about bringing her drumming group in with her to provide accompaniment for the experience. I had to admit that was a fine idea. Beat those drums of war, baby.
Now the wheels in my head are turning. And I want to know:
What exciting plans have you made for how you’ll quit? Even if you’re like me and a big, big chicken, at least you can share here, in the safety of pure negativity, what you would do if you had the guts.
How would you do it? I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.
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Goldman got Sachs
I’d be remiss in my duties as Chief Bellyacher if I failed to address the recent stylish resignation of former Goldman Sachs executive Greg Smith.
I will not be remiss in my duties!
With one letter, Mr. Smith achieved hero cult status here in the Abyss and came within a hair’s breadth of dethroning Rob Corddry as being “chiseled from the clay of the Gods.” (Don’t worry, though. Corddry weathered the storm.)
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Mission Control and Karen Handel’s failure to launch
Today brought a bit of good news to the world. My favorite two-faced person, Karen Handel, resigned from the Susan G. Komen for the Cure charity. In other news the sun continued to shine, puppies remained cute and the cats knocked my iPod Touch to the floor.
Yes, Virginia, there can be good days. But don’t you dare ever tell anyone I said that.
In Handel’s resignation letter she proudly had on display the style, grace and dignity that has served her so well during all of her years of hating Planned Parenthood.
Of Komen’s decision to “change its granting strategy” which led to the decision to pull funding from Planned Parenthood, she says, “I openly acknowledge my role in the matter and continue to believe our decision was the best one for Komen’s future and the women we serve.”
Komen then went on to make the arguments that “I wasn’t the only one (neener neener)” and pointed a crony accusing finger at Planned Parenthood, saying their reaction was a “gross mischaracterization of strategy.”
Apparently Handel is not one to go quietly into that good night. Whatever. Just as long as she says goodbye.
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Rebekah Brooks: Arrested and resigned
Source: Flickr ssoosay
In case you don’t know, Rebekah Brooks was the editor of the News of the World newspaper and at the helm during the phone hacking scandal. That paper is, of course, one of the many holdings of News Corp. headed by chairman and chief executive Rupert Murdoch.
Brooks and Murdoch are tight like this, yo.
So yeah, you may have heard that as a result of the scandal, Brooks was forced to resign. That’s true. She resigned as the chief executive of News International on July 15, 2011.
She was arrested on by London police on July 17, 2011, for suspicion of conspiring to intercept communications and suspicion of corruption. She was in custody for 12 hours then released on bail.
Although coverage of the News Corp. hacking scandal has died down a bit it is far from over.
Did you know that despite widespread coverage of Brooks’ “resignation” she was still on the board of directors for 22 News Corp. holdings?
Here’s the list of Brooks’ directorships:
TIMES NEWSPAPERS HOLDINGS LIMITED
NEWS INTERNATIONAL PUBLISHERS LIMITED
NEWS 2026 LIMITED
NEWSCORP INVESTMENTS
NI SYNDICATION LIMITED
NI FREE NEWSPAPERS LIMITED
NEWS INTERNATIONAL TRADING IRELAND LIMITED
NEWS PRINTERS GROUP LIMITED
NEWSPRINTERS (EUROCENTRAL) LIMITED
NEWSPRINTERS (KNOWSLEY) LIMITED
NEWSPRINTERS (BROXBOURNE) LIMITED
NEWS PRINTERS ASSETS LIMITED
NEWS INTERNATIONAL ADVERTISEMENTS (IRELAND) LIMITED
TIMES LITERARY SUPPLEMENT LIMITED (THE)
NEWS GROUP NEWSPAPERS LIMITED
NI GROUP LIMITED
NEWS INTERNATIONAL NEWSPAPERS LIMITED
TIMES NEWSPAPERS LIMITED
NEWS INTERNATIONAL DISTRIBUTION LIMITED
NEWS INTERNATIONAL ASSOCIATED SERVICES LIMITED
NEWS INTERNATIONAL (ADVERTISEMENTS) LIMITED
NEWS INTERNATIONAL SUPPLY COMPANY LIMITEDSource: Political Scrapbook
Wow. It must be nice to have someone rich and powerful like you. A lot.
In a statement, Brooks said back on July 15th, “… my resignation has been accepted.”
You keep using that word “resignation.” I do not think it means what you think it means.
The Daily Telegraph reported that despite resigning from her position, Brooks remained on the company payroll and continued to receive her salary from News International, having been told by Rupert Murdoch to “to travel the world on him for a year.” (Source: Wikipedia.)
Keep an eye on this one even if the story occasionally drops from the main street spotlight. News of the World has been accused of doing some really slimy things and she was in charge. With Murdoch as her friend and mentor, I’m sure that apple didn’t fall from the tree.
Shouts from the Abyss 
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