I’m always up to my net high-jinx. Without further ado, I’m pleased to announce my latest project, the creation of a new television network. It’s called F.A.N. which stands for the Feckless Abyss Network. I even spared no expense and made the logo all by myself.
I like to hire cheap.
It’s my hope that FAN will become a household name. Our slogan is “FAN. You know what hits us.” And we hope you will, too. Regularly.
I’m still working out the kinks in the lineup but likely shows to be canceled during our first season may include:
- Weapons of News Destruction
- News With Spews
- Leave It, It’s Beaver
- Know Your Enema
- P.S.I. – Pounds Per Square Inch
- Death Island
- Termination Tuesday – Sudden Death
- The Last Least Loser
- The Dr. Philly Show
- Celebrity Rebar
For sponsors we are actively seeking banks, credit cards, pharmaceutical companies and fast food. That is, everyone except you, Chick-Fil-A.
Of course, the sitcom will be a mainstay and we have many exciting ideas for fresh and exciting content. Read on.
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This morning I said to myself, “No damn politics on the blog! Enough!” I then sat back, cleared my mind and let my consciousness wonder. The tweet above was the result. My brain came up with the idea of marshmallows and chocolate bars having a rumble in the street. Random, I know! From this the lame and grisly thought above got expressed. Too bad Twitter doesn’t have a retroactive time warp function.
Then I checked my “recent drafts” on WordPress to see if there was anything worthy of being finished. Weird, but none of the 267 candidates there showed promise.
So, here’s a totally random post about music.
Back when I worked in the Big City, a group of guys would get off work and head over to Bennigan’s for $1 draft beers and munchies. Yes, this is also the site of the famous Night to Dismember. But that’s another story.
One day I went to the jukebox. It played CDs. Not records. And it had the option to play an entire CD from start to finish. So, when no one was looking, I selected Clint Black. An album called Put Yourself in My Shoes. And I played the whole damn thing. It cost money but it was worth it. Back at the bar everyone was bitching. Who the hell was the asshole? I lamented along with the rest of them, playing along, but inside I was laughing my ass off. For some reason a bar full of young posers becomes really upset about country music.
I like music. I like it a lot. And I have varied and eclectic tastes. My collection ranges from death goth metal to bluegrass. Gilbert and Sullivan show tunes to gospel. Rap, soft hits, Air Supply, Alan Parsons, The Beatles, Elvis, folk, etc. Some genres (like rap and gospel) I am very, very picky but some still find there way into my collection.
Like Ricky Skaggs. I’m a superfan. It seemed like there would also be at least one hardcore religious song per album. I didn’t care. I’d sing along with those songs just as much as the rest of them. “Sinners don’t wait before it’s too late / He’s a wonderful Saviour you know / Well I fell on my knees when I answered my pleas / Hallelujah, I’m ready to go.” Singing songs like that can also be useful for freaking out your friends.
Sometimes you come across albums where you lik every single song. Even the ones that never went on to become hits or even get played on the radio. I often wonder how these things got decided when there were better songs on the album than the ones that got released as singles. Back when I was a kid, we bought albums, not individual songs. If you only go for the promoted singles you’ll be missing out on a lot. Anyway, if every song rocks, then I call it a “Super Album.”
So what is a “Forever Album?” I personally have known two.
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