Baked Valaska
Head Chef
Today we feature a traditional dessert from the Abyss Recipe Cookbook that you’re bound to enjoy time and time again unless you try it on yourself.
The valaska is a long thin light axe used in past centuries by shepherds in the Carpathian Mountains, especially in Slovakia, Czech Republic, Poland, Ukraine and Hungary. The features of a valaska combine a tool with a walking stick, that could be used as a light weapon. It has symbolic historical and cultural connotations and is still used as a prop in many traditional dances, for example the odzemok.
Note: For this recipe a valaska with an ovenproof handle is a must.
You can find valaska in any quality Czech hardware/weapons store. If not available in your area, a hatchet may be used instead. The results will be similar.
Akutaq (aka Eskimo Ice Cream) is traditionally made with animal fat but you can make your own using Crisco as a modern substitute. Reindeer tallow, if you can get it, is highly recommended.
Baked Valaska
Ingredients:
- 1 valaska (see note), traditionally a little over 1 metre in length
- 4.2 pounds of akutaq (may be substituted with gelato, frozen yogurt, or ice cream)
Directions:
Serving suggestion.
Preheat oven to 450 degrees. This temperature is necessary for a cooking process known as searing.
Place the valaska in the preheated oven for about 20 minutes or until an angry crimson glow can been seen. If the valaska won’t fit, it is permissible to place the valaska with the head-piece inside and the handle sticking out. Adjust cooking time as necessary.
While baking, prep the akutaq by placing it in a large metal bowl.
When the valaska is ready, carefully remove from oven (it will be hot). Dip the head-piece into the bowl of akutaq ensuring a full equal coating. The combination of heat and cold will sear the akutaq creating a fond.
Garnish with fresh slices of human head.
Variations:
- Add eight (8) pieces of crisped bacon, crumbled, during akutaq prep
- Aim for the kneecaps
- Vegetarians: Replace akutaq with a pine nut pesto
Bon appétit!
From Grandma’s Kitchen: “Baked Valaska doesn’t kill people. People do! En garde!“
BlogFestivus – The Recap
BlogFestivus 2012 is now officially in the history books!
I’d like to thank our illustrious leader, Blogdramedy, for coming up with this fantastic idea! Now we drink. There’s rum in the eggnog, right? And raw eggs?
God bless us every one!
Like Santa on steroids I will be coming around to visit all BlogFestivus participants and share my special kind of love, but I can’t promise I’ll do it all in one night. I’m looking forward to reading all nine reindeer stories from every single person who played along.
This year’s BlogFestivus was a smashing success. My blog felt the love and I met a lot of wonderful people.
I’ve had very little time of late, but I was able to visit some of you and I liked what I saw. Good stuff! If you missed BlogFestivus, I highly recommend taking a look. In our household we also plan to engage in more traditional Festivus activities such as “The Airing of Grievances” and “Feats of Strength.”
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BlogFestivus – Day Nine: And to all a good night!
And to all a good night!
by Tom B. Taker
Just off a frantic Buenos Aires street was a small avenue no one ever noticed. It was the dog days of summer and heat was rising up from the asphalt. Along the avenue was a café where a reindeer named Rudolph sat alone at a corner table. A straw fedora was pulled low and obscured his face. He was sipping a mojito. The day’s edition of La Nación was folded across his lap.
On the table was a can of Barbasol shaving cream. No one seemed to think that was odd.
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BlogFestivus – Day Eight: The Reindeer Before Easter
The Reindeer Before Easter
by Tom B. Taker
Blixem was melancholy. Another winter and it was the same old thing. A whole year of preparing for one crazy night. He was in a rut deep enough to hang Christmas stockings. He wandered aimlessly away from Christmas Town followed by his pet, Hooman.
He trudged all night without purpose through the snow until he found himself in a forest. Then, at dawn, he stumbled into a strange grove of trees. They were arranged in a circle and each contained a door with a mysterious symbol.
“What’s this?” Blixen said. “It’s someplace new!”
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BlogFestivus – Day Seven: Lights
Lights
by Tom B. Taker
Frank Pucket was a man with a problem. After leaving for work he’d doubled back home because he’d forgotten his chestnuts. But turning onto his street he saw a van emblazoned “Dunder Electrical” already parked in the drive.
Frank pulled over in time to see Dunder himself, antlers and all, chilling on the porch chatting with his wife, Helena. That bastard reindeer had been hovering around his wife as long as he could remember. Frank couldn’t hear what they were saying but could tell that Helena’s eyes were all aglow.
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BlogFestivus – Day Six: Parallel Harking
Parallel Harking
by Tom B. Taker
We’ve all heard the stories about Cupid and know him as one of the greatest scientists of our time in spite of his handicap of being a reindeer. His commitment to logic, science, philosophy and reason has never been equalled. But not commonly as known is what transpired in the last days leading up to his famous disappearance and a surprising connection to Christmas.
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BlogFestivus – Day Five: Cometo
Cometo
by Tom B. Taker
It was snowing in the city by the North Pole. A hard snow. The kind of snow that jingled bells or even made a jolly fat man obsessed with giving toys and candy to other people’s children seem sort of not so bad. If you get my drift.
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