Tag Archives: quotes

Boss Wisdom

And the fourth method of learning wisdom, often neglected, is real life examples from the boss.

Wisdom is a deep understanding and realization of people, things, events or situations, resulting in the ability to apply perceptions, judgements and actions in keeping with this understanding. It often requires control of one’s emotional reactions (the “passions”) so that universal principles, reason and knowledge prevail to determine one’s actions. Wisdom is also the comprehension of what is true coupled with optimum judgment as to action. Synonyms include: sagacity, discernment, or insight. (Source: Wikipedia.)

This morning I found a sticky note on my desk. It contained ideas for some possible blog posts. I’m always on the hunt for that next big idea, so when I think of something, I like to write it down before it is forgotten forever. Most ideas come around only a single time.

The blogging creative process works a little like this: Ideas are recorded in various ways. Sometimes they become voice memos in my iPod. Sometimes I update a file called “notes” in my computer. I used to carry a little notepad around with me where I put my tiny chicken scratch for all time. And sometimes the ideas go on sticky notes.
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Relationship advice you want, hmm?

Is there anything Star Wars can’t do? Not I think because I believe in the Force, and an ally powerful it is, yes? Hmmmmm.

Also, relationships are hard.

Suddenly it occurred to me. Star Wars can help. In fact, it’s easy. All you have to do is speak nothing but Star Wars quotes incessantly. Viola! Relationship all better.

Yes, it’s just that simple.

Let’s see some examples of this powerful technique in action.

Partner: Do I look fat in this? I’m thinking about going on a diet.
Jedi Knight (You): One thing’s for sure. We’re all gonna be a lot thinner!

If that doesn’t put a fun spin on serious issues, nothing will.

Help yourself to these freebie tips. Use them as appropriate when your relationship needs saving.
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Boss Said That #challenge #contest

A contest!

You could win this action figure – some dude from The Simpsons cartoon I think – and only previously mauled by a cat.

The premise for the contest: Boss said that!

Rules: Post a comment on this post or a tweet at @shoutabyss on Twitter to enter. The entry must contain an actual boss quotation.

The winner will be selected by the Abyss Editorial Board by the end of November. The winning entry will be selected based on a strict criteria consisting of some combination of unparalleled excellence of the following: pith, assholiness, negativity, futility, moronitude, doublespeak, obliviosity, ineptness, greed, deception, lack of ethics, obfuscation, pointlessness, drooling, criminality and/or hypocrisy.

The winning entry will be announced on this blog and on the official Abyss twitter feed.

Disclaimer: To claim the prize, the winner grants reprint rights to the Abyss.

The prize will be sent via the United States Postal Service to locations within the United States. Estimated value of prize: 42 drachmas or one-tenth of one cent, whichever is less. Odds of winning: 100% (based on a single entrant). Additional entrants will lower odds of winning accordingly.

To get things started, here’s an example of actual words uttered by a prickholio of a boss:

I have spoken.

This particular example was spoken three months after a suggestion was called stupid by the boss, right after the boss said the idea would be implemented as his idea. Fuck nut.

Enter early and enter often. There can only be one winner, the rest of you will be dinner. Good luck!

My next big idea

You try to find a copyright-free Star Wars image!

I may have already revealed that my first kiss was at church camp with a girl named Tex, but here is something I don’t think you know about me yet:

In 8th grade I wore Star Wars t-shirts every day for an entire year. Yup. Every day. Entire year. I had quite the wardrobe back then and I hope it isn’t too self-centered to say, it has only improved since then.

With my penchant for coming up with stupid t-shirts (you can find some on this blog) it suddenly hit me:

What if there was a way to combine two of my greatest loves – Star Wars and inappropriate t-shirts.

If you’ve seen what the “cool” kids are wearing on their shirts lately,  you already know that freedom of speech has more than stomped the bound of good taste once and for all. The excellent sociology web site, PeopleOfWalMart.com, has documented many examples of this phenomenon.

My goal was a little scaled back from some of the trendsetters found there. Simply stated it is this: Take unaltered verbatim quotes (changing punctuation is okay) from Star Wars and reprint them on shirts and let people’s dirty minds do the rest.

I give you some of my ideas for a new line of inappropriate and/or negative Star Wars t-shirts:

  • Look at the size of that thing!
  • I don’t like you either.
  • We seem to be made to suffer.
  • Don’t everyone thank me at once.
  • Obeys your commands.
  • Let go your conscious self and act on instinct.
  • Let’s blow this thing and go home.
  • I don’t care what you smell.
  • What an incredible smell you have discovered.
  • Get on top of it!
  • Here, hold this.
  • Your powers are weak.
  • Don’t get cocky.
  • You’re my only hope.
  • The approach will not be easy.
  • Skim the surface to this point.
  • The shaft leads directly to the reactor.
  • I’m going in!
  • Let me know when you’re going in.
  • I have you now.
  • I’m going to regret this.
  • I’m ready for anything.
  • Maybe you’d like it back in your cell.
  • Sorry about the mess!
  • He’s the brains, sweetheart!
  • I can imagine quite a bit.
  • I take orders from just one person: me.
  • Give us a few minutes to lock it down.
  • I know a few maneuvers.
  • Here’s where the fun begins.

I guess this the part where you call me a geek and point and laugh.