Philanthropy: A Wing And A Prayer
The Tom B. Taker Wing
The problem with money is that too much of it in one place creates wealth. (It’s easy to imagine if you try.)
Money, an imaginary construct born of the human mind, is better at some things than others. What it may be absolutely worst at, perhaps, is as a yardstick for measuring the worth of human beings.
My personal theory is that the more you have the less likely you are to be deserving of it. And that truly stratospheric acquisition of wealth doesn’t provide enough atmosphere to sustain life. That’s why those with that much wealth have skin that looks like the surface of the moon.
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Little Ducky Komen
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck.
Source: Wikipedia – Duck test
File this post under “E” for Editorial. Or Enema. I can’t remember which.
That duck quote is an oldie but a goodie, but there’s another verse that I added which unfortunately usually gets omitted. “And if you find yourself covered in duck guano you probably took duck verification a bit too far.” (Achievement: poop tag!)
There is a fable in Abyss land that goes something like this:
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Tiger is the Masters
Showing the patience of a saint, class, humility, dignity and style, Tiger Woods sat out a grand total of zero Masters tournaments before announcing his return. This is, of course, exactly as predicted by yours truly deep down here in the bowels of the abyss.
It was way back on Dec. 11th that Woods announced he’d take an “indefinite break” from golf to try to save his marriage. As if we needed additional evidence of exactly how much worth he places on that sacred institution.
For those who study calendars, the grand total of that “indefinite break” turned out to be about four months. Shit! Who can even remember that far back? That’s a whole whopping one-third of a year. Our memories can only go back so far, ya know?
No doubt Woods believes that the quicker he gets back into play the quicker the public’s collective memory will fade.
He probably has publicity strategists planning his every move.
Here’s a piece of free publicity advise for Mr. Woods: Keep Mr. Winky in his frickin’ cage!
Tiger, I’m available for consultations at my standard ten percent rate if you need more, and I think we all know you do.
Shouts from the Abyss 
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