Yesterday, during my exclusive coverage of the Yahoo baby flap, I neglected to cover a key point. So exclusive team coverage continues today. Besides, most of you didn’t even notice I posted. Perhaps if I cover the same topic two days in a row I’ll have a shot.
This week, Yahoo announced the selection of their new CEO. Marissa Mayer, a long-time Yahoo employee, takes over with a compensation package that will reportedly pay her more than $100 million over five years based on performance.
Marissa takes over as CEO of the troubled company and fills the position vacated recently by former Yahoo CEO Scott Thompson. In January 2012 Thompson became the CEO. By May 2012, Thompson was shown the door after questions were raised about discrepancies on the resume he provided. On the resume was a computer degree that Thompson did not actually have.
In other words, he lied. Or in modern parlance, he “padded his resume.” Or, for the cutsey among you, “resume malfunction.”
The reaction from Wall Street was interesting.
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New Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer is pregnant. Cue the Star Wars Empire Strikes Back music.
“I am your mommy.”
For once the mainstream media gets it right with a finessed balance of coverage. I just culled these headlines, at random, from Google News. In the urn, this is the cream that rose to the top. I did not go digging or cherry pick these headlines.
- Who Has It Easier, a Pregnant CEO or a Pregnant Maid?
- Marissa Mayer hinted at what she’ll do at Yahoo — in 2010
- She’s Feeling Lucky
- Forbes writer to Mayer: You can’t have it all
- Pregnant Yahoo CEO ignites maternity debate
And last, but certainly not least:
The Pregnant CEO: Should You Hate Marissa Mayer?
It almost is enough to make one wonder, “Holy fucking shit? What the hell just happened here?”
Finally. I figured out a way we can make contraception and reproduction laws that make sense for ALL of us.
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For this experiment you will need:
* Web browser
* Internet connection
* Rubber gloves
Fire up your favorite web browser and go to http://www.google.com. You need to be on the actual home page for this because you want Google’s “auto-complete” feature to be active.
In the search box type this:
If you have followed the parameters of this experiment correctly, you’ll see that “can i get pregnant from a dog” is the #2 most popular suggestion in Google for the partially completed phrase “can i.”
Wow. Google really does help answer the important societal questions of the day. Now that I think about it, my public school education sucked. I mean, not once did my sexual education class ever cover the topic of human/dog interspecies impregnation issues. I knew they left some shit out! I knew it!
Just because I’m in an especially good mood, here is a bonus phrase. I’ll leave it up to you to discover where it leads. Remember to record your findings in your scientific journals now, students!
why does my
Can you find the secret societal phrase hidden in that list?
Be advised that the gerbil posts may now start coming like The Fast and Spurious. The fur is starting to fly.
This is a post about a guest gerbil I’ve written about in the past. For simplicity’s sake I’m going to issue him a code name. He will henceforth be known as Pooch.
What can I tell you about Pooch? Well, first and foremost he was featured in a previous post on this blog entitled “Gerbil rampage” back in February. That post featured Pooch dumping on his mother and when confronted, his only defense was, “It’s your fault. You didn’t raise me right.”
Yeah. Pooch is one classy dude.
So here’s what we know. Pooch has been categorized by our GRIPE scientists as Class A gerbil. He is 24-years old and still lives with his parents. (Our own gerbil frequently featured on this blog is a long time friend of Pooch’s younger brother. Together the three of them, our son, the friend, and the friend’s older brother Pooch form the Holy Gerbil Trinity on this blog.)
In one respect Pooch is solidly outside the normal gerbil curve – he actually graduated from high school. Even so, in most other respects he is a textbook study of gerbil behavior. He previously dated and like most gerbils found birth control extremely unpalatable. Pooch went to great lengths to avoid it while engaging in sexual behavior as much as possible. The young lady in question, girlfriend #1, thought she couldn’t get pregnant. That belief was proven to be false and Pooch and her became parents. She didn’t want much to do with the child so the grandmother became the default caregiver. Pooch, of course, also had little time for the child, even though he is unemployed and has nothing else of importance going on in his life.
Neither parent does much for the kid so the grandmother has assumed the bulk of the child rearing responsibilities.
Another distinguishing trait of Pooch is his love of marijuana. He has been caught growing plants under his parent’s garage. A major reason that Pooch is currently unemployed is due to a series of brief jobs where he was fired for testing positive for pot. Additionally his younger brother has also been featured in this blog. He recently obtained a medical marijuana card and become the inspiration for an ongoing series in my Hyppo and Critter comic strip.