Tag Archives: pregnant

Sexism? Yahoo!

Yesterday, during my exclusive coverage of the Yahoo baby flap, I neglected to cover a key point. So exclusive team coverage continues today. Besides, most of you didn’t even notice I posted. Perhaps if I cover the same topic two days in a row I’ll have a shot.

This week, Yahoo announced the selection of their new CEO. Marissa Mayer, a long-time Yahoo employee, takes over with a compensation package that will reportedly pay her more than $100 million over five years based on performance.

Marissa takes over as CEO of the troubled company and fills the position vacated recently by former Yahoo CEO Scott Thompson. In January 2012 Thompson became the CEO. By May 2012, Thompson was shown the door after questions were raised about discrepancies on the resume he provided. On the resume was a computer degree that Thompson did not actually have.

In other words, he lied. Or in modern parlance, he “padded his resume.” Or, for the cutsey among you, “resume malfunction.”

The reaction from Wall Street was interesting.
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Yahoo CEO has a baby, Wall Street has kittens

Wall Street Kitten says, “WTF? LOLZ!”

New Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer is pregnant. Cue the Star Wars Empire Strikes Back music.

“I am your mommy.”


For once the mainstream media gets it right with a finessed balance of coverage. I just culled these headlines, at random, from Google News. In the urn, this is the cream that rose to the top. I did not go digging or cherry pick these headlines.

  • Who Has It Easier, a Pregnant CEO or a Pregnant Maid?
  • Marissa Mayer hinted at what she’ll do at Yahoo — in 2010
  • She’s Feeling Lucky
  • Forbes writer to Mayer: You can’t have it all
  • Pregnant Yahoo CEO ignites maternity debate

And last, but certainly not least:

The Pregnant CEO: Should You Hate Marissa Mayer?

It almost is enough to make one wonder, “Holy fucking shit? What the hell just happened here?”

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Reproducing some thoughts about men

Finally. I figured out a way we can make contraception and reproduction laws that make sense for ALL of us.
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I Pee You

And in one moment...Ah, Facebook. Bringing me the important news of the day.

My “wall” had been updated. The thumbnail image showed a picture of a home pregnancy test.

Jumping ahead a bit, I tried to guess the category. “Things I’ve Peed On for $400, Alex!”

Nope. That wasn’t it. Actually stopping to read the comment helped.

“Guess Igor is going to be a big sister!!”

Slowly the wheels in my brain began to turn. Oh, I get it! Someone’s going to have a baby. Gosh golly gee whiz! I’m so uncited for my unfriend!

I can only hope that a printout of that Facebook entry will be saved for the baby’s scrapbook. Along with Baby’s First Flash Drive and Baby’s First iPad.

This so-called “friend” on Facebook is actually a life nemesis. Facebook sure is loose with the word “friend,” isn’t it? Why can’t we assign levels to the people we know? In addition to “friends” there should be options for: contacts, acquaintances, coworkers, fakers, posers, hosers and hoze.

To protect the identity of this Facebook friend I won’t reveal how I know her or her gender. But I will say this: I’ve blogged about her before. She’s an expert at milking (pun intended) the system. If there is a penny of government funds that she’s got coming to her, she knows how to shake that tree.

Aside from my recent $22 check for two days of jury duty, I can’t recall ever getting any government money.

She’s also one of the fake Christians I know. And she does things like “bear false witness” by taking a used discount card to the store and deliberating tricking the clerk into redeeming it twice.

Come to think of it, I’m against government being in the baby business. Why should having a baby mean that you get tax breaks? That’s bogus. If you want a baby, fine, go ahead and have one. But pay for it your own damn self.

We all know that the IRS and the tax code have nothing to do with money. It’s actually all about social engineering which is just a fancy way of saying the system is designed to get people to do what government wants. That’s the real reason why there is such an unfair and highly complex tax code.

The code is so big that politicians can’t even agree on how long it is. Title 26, the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) code totals to about 3,400,000 million words. The non-partisan Tax Foundation reports that the entire tax code with regulations in 2005 was over 9,097,000 words. To put that in perspective, the Bible has 774,746 words. The code has grown in length between 1995 and 2005 by 18.9 percent. The directions for filing a typical form 1040 totals 161 pages. The “EZ” version is 41 pages. Source.

Peeing BoySocial engineering is the reason why we’ll never have anything like a flat tax. Too bad, too, because meeting arbitrary government set deadlines and filling out forms is a violation of our right to the pursuit of happiness.

So the government wants people to pump out babies and therefore gives out tax breaks. I’ve just never been able to understand why. It might be something to do with what hyper-macho Sam Elliott talks about in that commercial for penis-shrinking Dodge Ram trucks. There’s “strength in numbers” and that’s what America wants. We wanna be a contender like China.

If I try to think about it my head feels funny. Instead let’s change gears and concentrate on Things That Get Peed On:

  • Neighbor’s car
  • Neighbor’s fence
  • The floor around a toilet
  • A fire hydrant
  • Trees
  • Ford (see Calvin sticker)
  • Chevy (see Calvin sticker)
  • Bushes
  • The lawn
  • Las Vegas
  • The bed
  • Movie theater seats
  • Bumblebees
  • Home pregnancy tests

Help me out here! Did I forget anything obvious for this very important list?

Google helps with important societal questions

Today’s happenstance discovery on Google is a good one. Ready for a science experiment, boys and girls? Let’s go!

For this experiment you will need:

* Computer
* Web browser
* Internet connection
* Rubber gloves

Fire up your favorite web browser and go to http://www.google.com. You need to be on the actual home page for this because you want Google’s “auto-complete” feature to be active.

In the search box type this:

can i

If you have followed the parameters of this experiment correctly, you’ll see that “can i get pregnant from a dog” is the #2 most popular suggestion in Google for the partially completed phrase “can i.”

Wow. Google really does help answer the important societal questions of the day. Now that I think about it, my public school education sucked. I mean, not once did my sexual education class ever cover the topic of human/dog interspecies impregnation issues. I knew they left some shit out! I knew it!

Just because I’m in an especially good mood, here is a bonus phrase. I’ll leave it up to you to discover where it leads. Remember to record your findings in your scientific journals now, students!

why does my

Can you find the secret societal phrase hidden in that list?

Good news with a twist of gerbil WTF

When gerbils do it like mammals on the Discovery Channel

Be advised that the gerbil posts may now start coming like The Fast and Spurious. The fur is starting to fly.

This is a post about a guest gerbil I’ve written about in the past. For simplicity’s sake I’m going to issue him a code name. He will henceforth be known as Pooch.

What can I tell you about Pooch? Well, first and foremost he was featured in a previous post on this blog entitled “Gerbil rampage” back in February. That post featured Pooch dumping on his mother and when confronted, his only defense was, “It’s your fault. You didn’t raise me right.”

Yeah. Pooch is one classy dude.

So here’s what we know. Pooch has been categorized by our GRIPE scientists as Class A gerbil. He is 24-years old and still lives with his parents. (Our own gerbil frequently featured on this blog is a long time friend of Pooch’s younger brother. Together the three of them, our son, the friend, and the friend’s older brother Pooch form the Holy Gerbil Trinity on this blog.)

In one respect Pooch is solidly outside the normal gerbil curve – he actually graduated from high school. Even so, in most other respects he is a textbook study of gerbil behavior. He previously dated and like most gerbils found birth control extremely unpalatable. Pooch went to great lengths to avoid it while engaging in sexual behavior as much as possible. The young lady in question, girlfriend #1, thought she couldn’t get pregnant. That belief was proven to be false and Pooch and her became parents. She didn’t want much to do with the child so the grandmother became the default caregiver. Pooch, of course, also had little time for the child, even though he is unemployed and has nothing else of importance going on in his life.

Neither parent does much for the kid so the grandmother has assumed the bulk of the child rearing responsibilities.

Another distinguishing trait of Pooch is his love of marijuana. He has been caught growing plants under his parent’s garage. A major reason that Pooch is currently unemployed is due to a series of brief jobs where he was fired for testing positive for pot. Additionally his younger brother has also been featured in this blog. He recently obtained a medical marijuana card and become the inspiration for an ongoing series in my Hyppo and Critter comic strip.

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