Emperor OS
I gave my computer some instructions and walked away. Bad move. Does not compute. Syntax error. Non sequitur.
“How dare you show your back to me!” the computer raged indignantly but passive-aggressively. That must be why it remained silent. It knew damn well what it was doing.
Working. Commit. Execute. Hey, little girl. Wanna see my update?
I don’t know why my computer calls me “little girl” but whatever. I kind of like it.
Guru Comic: Enlightenment
Well, sheeet. I guess you all know what I look like now. Special shouts at Erik Reichenbach for giving guru a total makeover.
The Great Vain Snobbery: Area Effects
Our scientists have identified three distinct phases of Christmas: Before, During and After.
We all know about The Before. This is the land of advent calendars, interminable waiting, day-based countdowns and dropping hints. Not much else of interest here.
The During, of course, is sublime. This is what it’s all about. Ripping open presents and experiencing that fleeting moment of glee. This phase usually lasts less than 20 minutes.
So, what’s left? Just The After. This is where boredom sets in. Shiny objects have a luster half-life akin to that of beryllium-8 aka 81.9 seconds. This is also the domain of “only 364 days until next Christmas” and “you’re already late on buying Valentine’s Day candy.”
There is, however, one saving grace of The After. I’m talking about, of course, snubbery, snobbery and bragissimo. Let’s compare our gifts!
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A tweet from the wife
Didn’t I just bitch the other day about the misery of forgetting things in the morning?
Earlier today I began to get a feeling of worry regarding my kitty cats. (Don’t worry. This ends up well.) Specifically, I was wondering if I had unplugged the coffee pot. I had no memory of doing it.
I asked my wife if she could swing by and check on the kitties. In my mind I was imagining a big ball of fire and little kitty ghosts that hated my guts. Something like, “Damn you for trapping us in this fire hazard!”
The wife works closer to home, gets an hour lunch, and was going to be driving anyway, so she did me a solid and checked it out.
Yes, the coffee pot was still on. Curse this organic-based vehicle I’m forced to occupy!
This would have made an awesome tweet (hence the title of this post) but there was no way it would fit along with the backstory. But I still wanted to share.
This is what she wrote:
The pot was still plugged and the kitties were sitting at the dining table sipping coffee. I joined them for a cup. They were not amused.
Smart ass!
My cats may be irritated but at least they’re okay! And I think they may be planning a coup. 🙂
Shouts from the Abyss 
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