Achievement: Schrödinger’s New Year’s Resolution
I like to be different so I came up with a new way of making my New Year’s resolutions. It’s what I do.
My idea? Giving the resolutions a Schrödinger’s twist. (Also one of my favorite cocktails but that’s another story.)
What is a Schrödinger’s Resolution, you ask? Easy.
A Schrödinger’s Resolution is a resolution you can’t know you’ve achieved until you’ve either done or not done it.
I came up with the idea during my imaginary free time.
The resolution was this: Blog less and/or blog more.
Some of you (and I’m speaking exclusively to my other personalities here) noticed that shortly after January 1st something went amiss. You had a little more spring in your step. The world was a little brighter and, dare I say it, seemed a little friendlier. Your ring-around-the-collar was gone.
What happened? It turns out I had achieved my resolution. Victory! The sweet smell of success.
I went with the less is more approach. Trust me on this, it was my gift to you. No thanks are necessary. In fact, you’re so gone you’re probably not even reading this.
Back in The Beginning, everything I read about blogging was pretty straightforward. Blog about what you love. Pick a niche and stick with it. Maintain a regular schedule. Treat your readers with respect.
Pshaw!
I gleefully ignored all of those rules except one. Somehow I found the temerity of will to post on a daily basis for several long, tedious years. Yes, it’s true, I backdated a post or two to keep up the illusion. But I stuck with it. And what did it get me? Did my stats slowly grow over time? Did I earn a single penny? Did I get a press pass to the Mitt Romney for President bus? Did I even get a simple bucket of dead hair?
No. My stats plateaued then cratered. And I thought I was doing something different by volunteering for the one-way mission to Mars. I’m already a Pathfinder. It was about as successful as a fart in a hurricane. Then I went screaming naked down a beach but that’s another story.
So now I blog less than I did before. It’s amazing how quickly I adjusted to that new reality. The Streak is done. Gone. Zip. Nada. Bupkis. And you know what? I’m okay with it.
Don’t worry. Stay tuned. I’m sure I’ll be back here pounding the keys again the next time a bit of undigested beef brings me visions. When that happens, be ready. I may have a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, or even a fragment of underdone potato with your name on it.
From here on out it’s nothing but gravy.
It’s alright – I’m a blogger!
Heart Attack Grill in Chandler, AZ
It’s amazing how fast a crowd can form.
One moment the restaurant hustle and bustle was completely normal, then there was a wild shriek and everything went completely to hell.
A man had collapsed to the floor and a crowd formed around him instantly.
I leaped to my feet and pushed my way through the throng. “Excuse me! Make way, make way!” I said authoritatively. “Come on,” I extolled, “let me pass!”
Breaking through, I saw that no one was even helping the man yet. Jesus Christ, I thought. This is gonna be grizzly.
I moved to get in closer but hands reached out and stopped me.
“It’s alright,” I said. “I’m a blogger!”
As the man lay there choking, I snapped off a few shots with my camera (always at the ready) and jotted down some notes in my handy little book. This is going to make an awesome post, I told myself.
Then some damn doctor showed up to help the man. Shit, I lamented, there goes the story. But it turned out it was a only a false alarm. The man had merely seen the menu and was reacting to the prices. Quite understandable, really.
Luckily I didn’t fall for it. What a lame post that would have been. Good thing I was able to avoid it.
A cool tip to improve your online writing
Here’s today’s thought-provoking tip for writing online. (This alleged “tip” is pretty much useless on typewriters and such.)
Tip: Never use the number eight followed by a right parentheses. Ever. Somewhere down the line some device or web site or widget will turn that character sequence into the “cool” smiley.
Case in point: http://broadsideblog.wordpress.com/2010/09/28/ten-ways-to-seriously-improve-your-writing/
Just look at that little bastard there, all smiling and shit, feeling oh so proud of himself! I found the unexpected presence of the cool smiling in a post about improving your writing just a little ironic. 🙂
If you must number things, use “ordered lists.” (If you are in HTML.) WordPress provides a little icon for that in their online editor. If not, then try using periods. They seem less susceptible to involuntary smiley replacements.
🙂
Shouts from the Abyss 
WordPress tagging
Do you use them? Give them any thought at all? Do you ever go exploring blogs by tag?
No great insights here. I haven’t studied them that much yet. But I did notice that recently I was #1 for the poop tag. Still am! I have to admit that made me very happy. There is nothing inherently “negative” about poop but somehow it became a fixture around here. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Did you know if you have the “tag cloud” enabled on your blog, clicking a tag link there will show posts with that tag from your blog only? But that if you click the tag in the post’s header (or footer, depending on the theme) it will take you, instead, to the page for all WordPress blogs with that tag? It’s pretty neat.
I’m still not sure how to tweak my tags for maximum results. Should I use the plural version of the word, the non-plural version or both? I do know that as far as WordPress is concerns the plural and non-plural versions of the same tag are treated as two different things.
What else have you learned? What is your experience? Got any funny stories? Maybe you’ve been #1 for a tag a lot? Or maybe you have questions about tags, too? If so, let me know.
Tags a lot!
Note: I know this is a super-lame post. I waiting too long and gave myself about four minutes to write it. Epic fail!
Edit: By the way, I just noticed this is my 500th post. I guess that puts me knee deep in the hoopla!