A Link To Centuries
All I want for Christmas is a “no soliciting” sign. I had one before but a solicitor stole it from my door. I know because I was inside ignoring them when it happened. And, true story, they were selling for the company where I worked. Unbelievable.
In the meantime…
It was a Saturday afternoon. My wife and I were hanging out in the living room with the cats. I wasn’t wearing pants. Suddenly, there came a sound from the door. The cats ran away. The moment was lost.
You know that knock? The one that says, “Hey, it’s me.” It goes like this:
Knock knock!
Knock knock knock knock knock knock.
Knock knock!
I heard that sound and cocked an ear. “Who the hell can that be?” I gasped.
No worries. It was a just a salesperson.
Talocruralpantaloonlocophobia
They called her Clean-Fingers McGee. She never missed. They said you could bet your life on her fingers being clean. Come to think of it, if you ever shook hands with her, that’s pretty much what you were doing.
Although not generally known, McGee had a secret. When using public restrooms, she would pull up her pants before exiting the stall and making her way across the tile of questionable cleanliness to the sinks to wash her hands.
You see, McGee was deathly afraid of shuffling across public restrooms with pants around her ankles. This condition, which is more common than most people think, is known as talocruralpantaloonlocophobia.
Curious, we decided to conduct a study.
One thing we know for sure: When it comes to restroom habits the concept of sequencing is of vital importance. Fact: Persons exiting restroom stalls with their pants up and belts secured are doing it wrong.
Continue reading →
The Quest for Truthiness: Study Conclusions
For this study I used PolitiFact.com as an existing data source. For Mitt Romney and Barack Obama, I looked at the 20 most recent ratings, as issued by PolitiFact, on statements each person had made.
Possible ratings are: True, Mostly True, Half True, Mostly False, False, and Pants on Fire.
To simplify things a bit I grouped the ratings as follows:
True: True, Mostly True
Half True: Half True
False: Mostly False, False, Pants On Fire
On now to the study results and conclusions.
Continue reading →
Lie Hard II – Lie Harder: How The Presidency Was Won – Obama Edition
This is part two of my pseudo-scientific examination of truthiness in presidential politics. It was prompted by this vague feeling of dread that Romney and Ryan were lying a lot. I was desirous of quantification (and hopefully confirmation) of my feelings. So like any good empirical scientist, I set off on an expedition to prove what I already felt was true. I found me a data source and produced some pie charts.
Methodology: I did an existing data study to produce the pie chart graph shown on the right. The data set consisted of the last 20 “Truth-O-Meter” responses to statements by Barack Obama as evaluated by PolitiFact.com.
I did not “cherry pick” the source data. I merely used the 20 most recent statements by Barack Obama at the moment I happened to look. I then counted each type of rating and produced the chart.
Additional analysis and source data is provided after the jump.
Continue reading →
Humble Lie Pie: How The Presidency Was Won
For today’s science experiment I wanted data to support a hypothesis: Mitt Romney isn’t a very honest person.
Methodology: I did an existing data study to produce the pie chart graph shown on the right. The data set consisted of the last 20 “Truth-O-Meter” responses to statements by Mitt Romney as evaluated by PolitiFact.com.
I did not “cherry pick” the source data. I merely used the 20 most recent statements by Mitt Romney at the moment I happened to look. I then counted each type of rating and produced the chart.
Additional analysis and source data is provided after the jump.
Continue reading →
A night to dismember
Can I get you something to nibble on? Some pizza shooters, shrimp poppers, or extreme fajitas? / No, just one of everything on the drink menu. / Oh. Sounds like someone has a case of the weekdays.
One time I was given some really good advice from another blogger. “Don’t make it about yourself.”
“Ah,” I responded. “Blogging tips. I love those.”
“What? No! This is no tip. I’m just trying to do the world a favor.”
Ahhhh. Well played!
I’m here to tell you that the truth hurts. And that I’m about to break that rule and talk about myself, perhaps for the first time ever. (What are the odds?)
If you’ve eaten in the last two hours this is your chance to get away. You would be well-advised to not make the jump.
Continue reading →
Underwear Goes Inside the Pants
Image Source: Wikipedia
The internet is buzzing that Greg Geraldo, one of the judges on Last Comic Standing, has died of a prescription drug overdose. If true, that fucking sucks. The dude was fucking funny.
RIP, Greg!
Here is Greg’s comedy featured in the song Underwear Goes Inside the Pants by Lazyboy. Enjoy.
Shouts from the Abyss 
Recent Comments